What To Do When Someone Hurts Your Feelings

When someone hurts you with their words or actions, you may feel angry, sad, embarrassed, shocked, or everything all at once. The actions you take and how you control your emotions may impact how effectively you can resolve the conflict or deal with the situation.

What to do when someone hurts your feelings

For many individuals, the initial response to hurt feelings may be to retaliate and hurt the person who caused the pain. Unfortunately, seeking revenge may create a cycle of negative behavior that might not lead to a favorable outcome. Rather than responding in haste, consider thinking about the situation and choosing to respond from a place of calmness and healthy thought patterns. There are a few ways you might choose to react to a person who has hurt your feelings. 

Have an honest conversation

This conversation may result in a variety of responses. The person who has hurt you may react angrily or tell you that they don’t care. However, they may also actively listen to your point of view and apologize. They might not have realized that they hurt your feelings in the first place. You may also find that, because you communicated how you felt, you didn't experience a buildup of resentment, which could improve your relationship with the person.

If they react poorly, you might decide that the relationship isn’t healthy for you and you don’t need to keep that person in your life. Someone else’s reaction to your communication efforts doesn’t necessarily indicate anything negative about you. Positive psychology suggests that even if you don’t want to continue the relationship, you can benefit from forgiving the person and releasing the negative feelings you have.

Journal about it

Journaling can be a way of acknowledging your feelings by writing them down. It may allow you to make sense of your emotions. Studies show that journaling often improves mental health.

Writing down what you feel and reading it out loud may give you a different perspective on your feelings. It can be helpful to have a journal that no one else reads because you may be able to be more honest when you aren’t worried about the opinions of others. 

If people hurt your feelings often or you’re experiencing a lot of mixed emotions, keeping track of how you feel in a journal may help you notice any patterns or triggers to help you avoid these situations in the future.

Set clear boundaries when someone hurts your feelings

When someone has hurt you, reflecting on what you are willing to tolerate in the relationship moving forward can be helpful. Setting boundaries can protect your emotional well-being and make it clear to the other person how their behavior has affected you. It’s important to communicate these boundaries respectfully but firmly. 

Consult your doctor

Many people might not realize that physical illness, such as high blood pressure or diabetes, can have psychological and emotional effects. If you worry that your emotional responses may be influenced by a medical condition, consider visiting your primary care physician. Be open about your feelings and how you are reacting to others. Your doctor can assess. If there may be any physical reasons for your emotions.

Engage in healthy distractions

Healthy distractions can help us cope with the pains of everyday life, such as hurt feelings, by focusing our minds on other things.

Engaging in something that distracts you does not necessarily mean you shouldn’t find a resolution for your problem. However, it may allow you to clear your mind and address the situation with more logical thinking in the future. 

Try physical exercise

Exercise can provide a number of mental health benefits. 

• Relieve stress
• Boost your mood
• Help you sleep better
• Improve your memory
• Release endorphins, otherwise known as the “happy chemicals,” which can cause a feeling of joy or euphoria
• Decrease negative emotions

Counseling for hurt feelings 

Talking to a counselor or other mental health professional could be helpful when it seems difficult, or even impossible, to let go of hurt feelings. Sometimes deeper issues may cause us to feel unable to release feelings of hurt or anger. During these times, a counselor or therapist can help you get to the root of your feelings and guide you as you learn effective coping mechanisms. They can help you identify healthy ways to respond when someone hurts you so that you don’t turn to unhealthy habits such as substance use or emotional eating.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Exploring therapy options online 

Some individuals choose to find a counselor near their home or work and engage in face-to-face sessions. Others may visit mental health clinics offering individual and group counseling. Many individuals choose online therapy, as it can allow them an exclusive and affordable way to discuss mental health concerns or feelings that arise. 

One of the most common and successful types of therapy is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Online cognitive-behavioral therapy has been proven effective in treating the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Other studies have shown that online CBT is typically more cost-effective than in-person therapy.

If you’re considering online counseling, consider a platform like BetterHelp, which offers a vast database of counselors specializing in various areas.