Feel Like Therapy Is Hard? How To Navigate The Process
Therapy is often challenging. Still, many people find it vital to stay with the process and their therapist to find the success they desire.
Finding ways to continue to push through the challenges of counseling (even when it might feel hard) can enable you to reap the benefits of treatment long-term—helping you to find peace and live a happier life.
About the therapeutic treatment process
In therapy, people may discuss topics that feel challenging to talk about—prompting many to feel as if therapy is so hard. These can include subjects such as:
- Family life
- Grief and loss
- Work
- Romantic relationships
- Stress
- Life changes
- Trauma
- Mental health concerns or conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorder, or depression
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
In therapy, you may notice that you don’t feel better after each session. Therapy is often a long-term treatment option, so there could be distressing feelings or symptoms that arise throughout the process as a part of therapy—which is sometimes painful in the moment but productive in the long term. The benefits of therapy may start to appear after a few sessions or after some time has passed. If you have questions about this phase of in-person or online therapy, you may consider speaking with your therapist regarding progress in therapy. A good therapist can work with you through the difficulties and help you to stick with the therapy sessions, embracing every area of growth as it arises.
Why does it feel like therapy is hard?
In therapy, you might start processing your feelings and life circumstances in ways you haven't before. This experience can occur across therapy types. For instance, you could have been repressing your emotions in the past and decided to attend therapy to mitigate the mental and physical health effects of doing so.
Therapy can cause you to acknowledge emotions like sadness and anger, and you may feel more vulnerable as a result. This situation might be the first time you’ve felt grief or anger about a certain topic, even if it is from the distant past. Though the eventual outcome of “feeling your feelings” can be positive, it may not always seem like you’re making progress. This is one example of what could make therapy hard.
Finding difficulties in relationships after counseling
Therapy can also be a catalyst for change in your interpersonal relationships, including romantic relationships. As a result of counseling, you may start to set boundaries for the first time, practice self-care, or communicate more effectively, for example. While often positive, changes can come with an adjustment period, and they may cause you to reevaluate your close relationships.
How to move forward when therapy is becoming hard
Therapy is sometimes challenging. Below are some tips to consider when therapy is becoming hard:
Try relaxing activities after your sessions
Soothing activities can differ from person to person. Some people might find it helpful to take a bath or shower, spend time outdoors, take a walk, engage in other physical activities, or journal after therapy. You might find it equally comforting to work on an art project, play or listen to music, or meditate.
Allow for reflection time after mental health treatment
It can be normal to feel tired after therapy. Consider keeping this in mind when scheduling therapy. Some people prefer to schedule sessions when they don't have to do anything afterward. They might do this if they want to work on topics that are emotional or challenging for them. On the other hand, if you are going through a difficult time, you may also consider having someone you can call or spend time with if you need a distraction or support later that day.
Even though it may be uncomfortable in the moment, experiencing ups and downs during therapy can be a healthy sign. It could mean you're processing the lessons you learned in your session. Your therapist may also give you homework, which some people choose to complete immediately following a session. Others may choose to do these at-home activities the following day or later in the week.
Some therapists might allow you to send messages or emails after a session to check in if you require support. This option could be beneficial if you want a quick suggestion or reminder regarding coping skills.
Take inventory of your needs
You may have heard the saying, "Most of the work you do in therapy happens outside of therapy". As you work with a therapist, you may begin to better understand your needs. These could include physical needs (e.g., going to bed early so you can get enough sleep) or emotional needs (e.g., setting boundaries with loved ones) among others. If you aren't used to asserting or recognizing your needs, this process could take time and energy. However, it may be worthwhile, and it could become easier over time.
Celebrate your successes
When topics feel tough in therapy, it may be rewarding to celebrate the successes and achievements you've made. Success in therapy can take many different forms. Examples of successes and achievements you might celebrate include:
- An increase in positive self-talk
- The ability to identify and reframe maladaptive thoughts
- Feeling more in touch with your emotions, your body, or both
- The ability to identify and name your emotions and needs, whether internally or externally
- An increased ability to reach out to your support system, including friends, family, and community members
- Improved anger management and distress tolerance skills
- An increase in participating in self-care activities
- Better communication
You and your therapist can work together to set goals and revisit them periodically. This practice could give you the opportunity to acknowledge your successes, and you can reflect on them whenever you want.
Consider seeking additional support
You might need additional support when therapy gets hard. Therapy can bring about many different internal changes, so there may be times when other forms of support could be advantageous. For example, you might sign up for a support group or attend an anger management class.
Support groups can be beneficial, and they are often free. Your therapist may be able to recommend a support group or help you look for one. Some therapists manage support groups outside of their practice. These groups might occur online or in person. You can get additional support by adding other medical and mental health professionals such as a psychiatrist or doctor to your support team.
Accept that therapy can take time
Try to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to move at your own pace in therapy. Emotional work can be challenging. It may not be uncommon to experience the following:
- A mix of difficult and exciting realizations
- A feeling that some therapy sessions are more productive than others
- Wondering if you're making progress or not
- Suddenly realizing how far you've come
- Feeling that emotions have gotten worse before they get better
Consider other modalities when it feels like therapy is hard
Treatment methods, therapists, and approaches can vary in effectiveness depending on the individual. Therapists are often trained to handle this possibility, so it can be normal to switch counselors if you decide you need to. Therapy can come in diverse forms, including:
- Individual therapy
- Group therapy or support groups
- Couples counseling
- Family therapy
For each type of therapy, there can be many different modalities that might be used. A therapeutic modality refers to the approach that a therapist takes. Additionally, therapy can be conducted in person or online.
Navigating your mental health journey with online therapy
If you’re feeling like therapy is difficult, online therapy platforms provide a convenient way of making progress on your mental health journey.
Connect with the right online therapist for you
If you are not currently in therapy or are considering switching therapists, you may consider multiple avenues of support. Those who face barriers to treatment that might make therapy harder such as finances, distance, or availability, may appreciate the availability of affordable counselling. Online therapy can be a convenient way to find, choose, and work with a therapist from the comfort of your home or anywhere else with a reliable and stable internet connection.
The efficacy of online therapy for anxiety and depression
Furthermore, internet-based therapy is backed by research and has been proven effective in improving symptoms of various mental health conditions, including depression and anxiety. Whether you want to work on interpersonal relationships, symptoms of a mental health condition, or general well-being, online therapy may be the right fit for you. Through a platform like BetterHelp, you can gain over 35,000 independent mental health professionals with a range of specialties.
Takeaway
Is therapy supposed to be difficult?
Therapy might not always be difficult, but it does involve emotionally demanding work that can be challenging.
At first, when you find a therapist who’s a good match for you, sessions might focus more on building a strong, trusting therapeutic relationship. However, therapy tends to get more emotionally challenging as you begin working on more difficult topics and issues that might make you feel defensive. A good therapist can help you lower your defenses, process your emotions, and move toward healing.
Why is therapy so exhausting?
The therapeutic process involves hard work, such as becoming aware of problematic thoughts and behaviors, considering new perspectives, and revisiting trauma. Therapy can require vulnerability and emotional work that many people are not used to doing in daily life. For some people, this can trigger fight-or-flight stress responses, which can lead to “therapy fatigue.”
Some strategies to unwind after therapy include listening to music that brings you joy, practicing body awareness and noticing how you hold tension, stretching or meditating, writing about your feelings, or spending time outdoors.
What is the hardest part about therapy?
The hardest part of therapy differs from person to person. For some, the most challenging part is signing up for therapy or attending sessions regularly. In these cases, it may be helpful to try online counseling, which tends to have higher attendance rates than in-person therapy.
For others, exploring past traumas, developing healthier coping skills, or evaluating harmful behaviors may be the most challenging part of therapy.
Why is being a therapist hard?
Being a therapist can be a very rewarding and impactful career path, but it can also be emotionally demanding. Burnout, compassion fatigue, overwhelming workloads, and vicarious trauma are some of the challenges faced by these mental health professionals.
Job burnout, which usually comes from caring deeply about work but feeling unable to affect change, is extremely common among therapists. In one study of nearly 300 therapists, about 78.9% experienced high burnout, and 58.1% experienced disengagement.
Why is therapy so stressful?
Exploring intense emotions and painful memories in therapy can trigger the fight, flight, or freeze stress response. These stress responses release stress hormones including cortisol and norepinephrine, elevate your heart rate, increase perspiration (sweating), and lead to symptoms like:
- Fight: Fight response symptoms might include hypervigilance, agitation, anger, defensiveness, or raised voice
- Flight: Flight response symptoms might include fidgeting, desire to flee, panic, avoidance, or feeling trapped
- Freeze: Freeze responses might include feeling numb, dissociating, holding your breath, difficulty speaking, or lack of focus
After the initial stress elevation of the flight, fight, or freeze response, many people experience exhaustion and fatigue. This partially explains why some people feel tired after a particularly challenging therapy session.
Why is therapy so hard at first?
Therapy involves exploring negative emotions and memories that you may have been suppressing or avoiding. When you make yourself confront things that might be easier to push aside (in the short term), you’ll have to come to terms with fear, regret, anger, sadness, and other painful feelings.
While therapy is often intimidating and nerve-wracking at first, it tends to get easier to process your emotions and practice vulnerability with time and practice.
Why do people cry after therapy?
Emotional exhaustion, fatigue, and crying are common after therapy sessions. For many people, crying is a natural way to process and release overwhelming thoughts and feelings.
When does therapy get tough?
Therapy might not always be difficult, but it can be. People often find that the first few therapy sessions are easier but that it gets more challenging once they’ve built a strong therapeutic alliance and started spending time exploring more difficult emotions.
Why is it hard to talk in therapy?
There are several reasons why it may be difficult to talk in therapy, such as social anxiety, nervousness, worrying about judgment, fear of vulnerability, or a sense of shame.
If you’re finding it difficult to discuss certain topics with your therapist, it can be helpful to discuss the mental block. For example, you and your therapist could explore exercises to help you relax into vulnerability, and consider whether you’re feeling judged by your therapist, or you feel defensive about something you discussed during your last session. By discussing your concerns with your therapist directly, they may be able to adjust their approach.
Who goes to therapy the most?
According to Statista data, people between the ages of 18 and 44 are most likely to go to psychotherapy. Decreased mental health stigma, raised awareness on social media, and increased reachability to online therapy have contributed to greater utilization of therapy services.
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