Where to find support when you're an overwhelmed working mom

Being a mom can be a full-time job. Add in work--whether it’s 40 hours a week or 10--and it can be easy to understand why moms often experience high rates of burnout. In general, 84% of women between the ages of 25 and 54 work full-time, and 32% of employed persons who identify as women are working mothers with children under 18. If you’re a working mom, you are probably faced with a never-ending to-do list of tasks you must complete at work and at home. No matter what you do or how much you invest in your family, you may question whether you’re a good mom. If you’re having these concerns, you’re likely invested in being a good parent. Knowing where to find support to ease the burden you’ve been feeling can be the first step to feeling less overwhelmed and more at ease with your current season of life. Online therapy can be an excellent and convenient resource to consider.

The cycle of parental burnout

According to the American Psychological Association, parental burnout generally has four stages. While these can happen to any parent, working moms tend to be at a higher risk of experiencing burnout and the consequences that can come with it. 

• Stage 1 - Overwhelming Exhaustion: This can look different depending on the age of your children. For moms with younger children, physical exhaustion tends to be the most common. As the children grow older, this may be replaced by the mental and emotional exhaustion of parenting an adolescent or teenager.
• Stage 2 - Distancing Yourself From Your Child: Burnt-out parents may try to save their energy by finding distance from their children, which can be physical or emotional, depending on the children’s ages.
• Stage 3 - Loss Of Fulfillment In Parenting: Because of how you’re feeling about your children, you may lose joy in your children, in your role as a parent, or both. 
• Stage 4 - Contrast With Your Previous Parenting: Guilt and shame may creep in as you compare your previous parenting to how you’re doing now that you feel completely burnt out. 

Consequences of working mom burnout

Being a working mom can make you 28% more likely to experience burnout than an employed father. Burnout has frequently been linked to mental health struggles, including depression and anxiety. It can also lead to increased alcohol consumption. 

Other signs of burnout may include the following:

• Poor self-care
• Mood changes
• Decreased productivity
• Trouble sleeping and/or concentrating

Like any type of burnout, working mom burnout can negatively impact your relationships, especially those with your children. It may cause you to:

• Feel more irritable
• Become easily angered by your children
• Participate in punitive parenting practices like yelling, spanking, and cursing
• Have suicidal or escape ideations

If you or someone you love is having thoughts about harming themselves or others or showing suicidal tendencies, reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline immediately by visiting the website or calling/texting 988.

Five places for working moms to find support

As a working mother, you will likely thrive best when you have resources and people to turn to for support. Whether it’s in person or online, there are individuals and communities who want to help you make your life more manageable so you can find peace at work and home. Try to utilize this support before you feel overwhelmed to design a more sustainable life for yourself and your family. 

Within themselves

Almost four out of every five moms have chosen to sacrifice sleep in order to care for their family, and around 80% of moms have turned down social plans because of parenting responsibilities. 

For working mothers, self-care may not look like leisurely bubble baths or solo weekends in the mountains (although it definitely could). At this stage of life, ensuring your basic physical and mental needs are met can be the best strategy to avoid working mom burnout. Working moms typically feel their best when their daily routine includes the following:

• A healthy amount of sleep (seven to nine hours a night)
• Nutrient-rich foods that meet their dietary needs
• Physical activity
• Social connection with other working moms

If you’re an overwhelmed working mom, you may also benefit from allowing yourself permission and forgiveness. Too many moms expect themselves to be able to do it all and constantly meet everyone else's needs. Over time, these high expectations may contribute to mental health struggles that can manifest as physical symptoms. Allow yourself to focus on the positive and move past the negative without letting it damage your self-worth as a mother. 

Supportive partners

According to the American Time Use Survey, employed women usually spend more hours doing housework, preparing food, and caring for children than employed men. Conversely, employed men typically enjoy more time for socializing and leisure activities than employed women do. 

Working moms are often tasked with working 40 or more hours per week and then coming home to manage most household tasks, frequently carrying an overwhelming mental load. If your partner is enjoying more leisure time than you are, you may benefit from communicating about your expectations and finding a way to better balance the workload at home. 

At work

In an ideal world, all people would have the flexibility to complete their work in a manner that works for both the employer and the employee. In October 2020, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, 71% of people who could work from home were working remotely all or most of the time. By February 2022, this number had dropped to 59%. Remote work may be just one flexible work arrangement that a growing number of people are pursuing. 

According to 46% of moms, flexible work arrangements may be the most desirable benefit a workplace can offer. Flexible work options may include: 

• Limited or no in-office days and/or flexible working hours
• Unlimited access to paid time off policies that employees are encouraged to use, including adequate paid leave following childbirth
• Access to affordable or free childcare in the workplace
• A culture of support for working moms that begins with executives and trickles down throughout the entire organization

If your job doesn’t offer flexible options for working mothers and other employees, you aren’t necessarily stuck in a less-than-ideal situation. You may speak with your manager or HR representative about possible changes to better support working mothers. Many companies now offer free or discounted access to mental health apps and services as part of employee benefits packages. If change isn’t possible, it may be worth seeking a new employer who can offer greater flexibility that benefits you and your family. 

If neither of these options is feasible, consider what choices you can make to balance work and your family. For example, you might establish boundaries with your coworkers and managers about when you are available and stick to them. In addition, you can take time at the end of the workday to record your final thoughts about the day and your plans for tomorrow. Doing so can empower you to be fully present with your kids during non-working hours. 

Other working moms

Sometimes, the people who understand the best are those who are having similar experiences. Other working moms likely know the struggle you’re having to balance work and family. You may benefit from connecting with other working moms within your company or industry. You could create a Slack channel to share encouragement or join a LinkedIn community where you can be open about your challenges and triumphs in balancing work and motherhood. 

Therapy

Nearly half of mothers may be seeking therapy to support their mental health. However, working moms may struggle to find the time to schedule therapy into their busy days, especially if it takes away from what already seems like limited time with their children. Online therapy may be one evidence-based solution that allows moms to schedule therapy when it works for them.

Benefits of online therapy

With online therapy, moms can plan to meet with a provider during a pump break in the office or schedule a session after the kids are in bed for the night. With BetterHelp, you can access one out of thousands of therapists available to meet when the timing is best for you.

Effectiveness of online therapy

In a 2021 study, half of the participants completed a weekly online therapy session with a psychotherapist for six weeks, and the other half received a weekly newsletter filled with tips to help them cope with stress. While both groups generally experienced decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression, those who worked directly with a therapist usually saw a much higher decrease in their mental health struggles. Weekly sessions with an online therapist may help you feel better equipped to manage the stress accompanying your role as a working mom.

Takeaway

Working moms often face a unique set of challenges. They are frequently expected to be fully present at work and at home, sacrificing their own needs to meet the needs of those around them. Without setting boundaries and getting support from others, working mothers tend to be prone to experiencing burnout, which can be detrimental to their mental and physical health. Other working moms, family members, and flexible workplaces can support mothers in finding an appropriate balance. Online therapy can also be a helpful place to find support.