Working Through Tough Emotions After Saying Goodbye To A Friend
Friendships are a unique form of relationship. Social connections can benefit mental and physical health; friendship is no exception. Friends can be lifelong and offer emotional support, enjoyment, and happiness to your life. However, friendships can come and go and may end when you're not ready.
Since friendships are voluntary connections, they can often change. For example, you might gain a family or a romantic relationship and forget to call or hang out. Regardless, saying goodbye to a friend can be painful, and coping with emotions afterward can be confusing. Understanding how to care for yourself during this time may be valuable as you learn to grieve this loss.
What causes friendships to end?
In some cases, like moving to a new state or country, you might not say goodbye forever, as you may still be able to talk over the phone or video chat or see one another occasionally. In other cases, your friendship may have changed in ways you feel are irreparable, even if they're no one's fault. In these cases, it may help to try to open your mind to the changes moving forward and make space for new connections.
The emotional impact of saying goodbye to a friend
Whatever the reason for losing a friendship, missing a friend after saying goodbye can be normal and healthy. You might also miss who you were when that friend was around. You may experience this loss as a part of your identity, losing the part of you that was your friend. However, it can help to know that your memories and experiences do not go away when a friend is gone.
How to cope with saying goodbye to a friend
Saying goodbye to a friend can be difficult, regardless of the reason. Below are a few ways to start coping with the feelings that may arise for you after a loss. Note that you don't have to lose a friend to death to grieve their presence in your life.
Examine your perspective
When losing a friend, you might take it personally. For instance, if a friend moves away, the initial sting of the loss may prompt feelings of hurt and maladaptive thought processes. If a friendship ends because you've drifted apart, you might blame yourself, for repeating unkind statements that may not be true. Finally, you might feel that having future positive friendships isn't an option for you.
In these cases, examining your perspective and challenging thoughts that feel maladaptive or cause you more harm than positive feelings can be valuable. People move away, friends drift apart, and people have conflicts. These situations can be standard parts of life and don't necessarily indicate wrongdoing or the need to put yourself down for what occurred.
For instance, a friend moving away may not be personal. They might have a family, new pursuits, or a desire to discover what works for them. If you both want to and find it possible, you can find ways to maintain it from a distance. They may still love you but decide to make choices based on their own separate goals, wants, needs, dreams, and hopes.
Understand the role you may have played
If someone stops being your friend because of your actions, examining your thought patterns can still be helpful. Instead of internalizing this loss and repeating harmful statements about yourself in your mind, find out what actions led to the end of the relationship. Consider how you might do better in the future, and allow yourself to feel sad about the loss. If you played a role in the friendship's ending, it may be important to take accountability to avoid future friendships ending the same way.
Try to adjust to the change
Change can be challenging, but it is often inevitable. You might feel comfortable with the current stage of your life and have a strong desire for everything to stay the same, but relationships can end, and sometimes people change. When saying goodbye to someone you love or care about, you might feel uncomfortable or experience profound sadness. You may also fear the friendships you might lose in the future.
At times, feeling the pain of loss may make people want to keep to themselves to try to prevent the hurt of losing someone again. It can make sense to feel momentarily sadness and take time for yourself. However, when you choose not to get close to people, you might miss out on rewarding connections.
Put yourself in new situations
Feeling sadness in response to change or missing someone is common, but the feeling may not last forever. The change can mean an opportunity to try new activities and meet new people, some of whom might have new ideas to teach you. Consider putting yourself out there to help boost your mood and keep yourself open to new experiences and relationships.
Practice radical acceptance
You're not alone if you've lost a friend to uncontrollable circumstances, such as death or substance use. In these cases, practicing coping mechanisms like radical acceptance can be beneficial. You can practice radical acceptance through the following steps:
- Observe how you might be questioning or fighting your reality.
- Remind yourself that your reality cannot be changed in this situation. If it can be changed but shouldn't be changed, accept that trying to change reality would be unhealthy.
- Try to note any causes for the reality without coming up with solutions.
- Practice acceptance with your mind, body, and spirit. Use positive self-talk to tell yourself you are willing to accept this situation, even if it is difficult.
- List all the behaviors you'd partake in if you already accepted this situation. Then act this way until you find it aligns with your reality.
- Cope ahead by thinking of ways to accept the situation if it worsens.
- Attend to your body sensations using mindfulness or meditation to connect with yourself.
- Allow disappointment, sadness, grief, or anger to arise if they do. Note them and do not act on them. Give them the space to exist.
- Acknowledge that life can be worth living, even when there is pain.
- Create a pros and cons list if you are resisting acceptance further.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
Seek professional support to navigate saying farewell
If you struggle to adjust to a significant change in your life, such as losing a friend, speaking with a mental health professional may help you work through challenging emotions and find ways to cope.
Losing a friend may bring up difficult emotions and sometimes prompt feelings of low self-esteem. Research has found that online therapy can be effective for many concerns, including low self-esteem. For instance, one study found that an online intervention for reducing depressive symptoms brought "immediate improvements" in participants' self-esteem and empowerment relative to control participants.
Try online therapy
When navigating the loss of a friend, intense emotions may pop up at random times, such as when you're reminded of your friend after passing a favorite coffee shop. With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you can reach out to your therapist using in-app messaging, often receiving a quick response. You can also choose between phone, video, or chat sessions.
Takeaway
How do you say goodbye to a very special friend?
Saying goodbye may not be easy, especially to a best friend. Consider thinking about your friendship and the time you've spent together and craft a special farewell message for them. People have many different relationships with their friends, which can help give you ideas on what to say or do for a great friend to whom you must say goodbye.
What is the sweetest way to say goodbye to friends?
What's sweet to you may differ from what's sweet to someone else. Consider what's sweet for your friend and try using their preferences or personality as a gauge of what would have the best impact on them. You might reflect on how you've had so much fun with each other or the moments you've shared with them.
What is the best goodbye message?
The best goodbye messages often come from the heart, and they're tailored to the unique relationship people have with their best friends. You might not want to focus on the pain of saying goodbye but rather the moments the two of you had together throughout knowing each other. You may want to avoid formal or impersonal farewell messages that include lines such as "dear friend" or "dearest friend" and instead talk to them the way you've always talked to your friend. Casual and genuine sentiments tend to impact those closest to you most.
How do you write a meaningful goodbye?
It can be challenging to know how to say goodbye to a friend in the most meaningful way or express yourself in a way that conveys how much they mean to you. In addition to telling them how they've impacted your life and how much the two of you have been through together, you can also support them by showing your excitement for their future and that you'll always be there for them even if you can't be there physically.
How do you say goodbye in simple words?
If you're good friends with someone, there may be so much to say that it can be hard to pick the simplest words to express how you feel. The simplest goodbyes may include how much they mean to you, gratitude for how they've impacted your life, the good and bad times you've both been through and supporting their future while reassuring them that you'll always be there when they need you.
What are some farewell words?
If you're having a difficult time finding the right words to say goodbye, you can search for "farewell quotes" or "goodbye quotes" to get some ideas on what you can personally say to your friend.
How do you write an emotional goodbye letter?
You may want to let them know how much you love them or how they've made your life better by knowing them. A letter is something they can keep forever to remind them of all the good times the two of you have had, and they can read it whenever they're missing you.
What do you write in a goodbye card for a friend?
The nice thing about goodbye cards is that they can provide a template for you to express yourself and say something sweet and simple to your friend. A card may come with a funny goodbye quote or something more heartfelt. It also allows you to write something personal or use your own quote.
You can say something profound like "So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good" by Helen Keller. Or you can keep it short and use Dr. Suess's quote: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
How do you say goodbye without actually saying it sad?
It's not always easy or enjoyable to say goodbye, especially to a close friend. While you both may feel sad over parting ways, it can be an opportunity to relive some of your greatest moments together, laugh over jokes, share final adventures, and celebrate your time as friends.
What is better than saying goodbye?
You can show your friend how much they mean to you by taking them out to dinner, doing something the two of you have always dreamed of doing, or hanging out and doing what you've always done. There are so many ways to celebrate your friendship without saying anything. You can also bypass a goodbye and say "See you later" because true friends, regardless of distance, will always be connected by their bonds.
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