Anticipatory Grief: What It Is And How To Manage It
When faced with an upcoming loss, it’s not uncommon to experience an array of complicated feelings related to the transition between life, dying, death, and, ultimately, the impending absence of a loved one. This experience is known as anticipatory grief and can be a time of significant mental and emotional stress and upheaval.
Exploring anticipatory grief, including characteristics, examples, and common signs and symptoms may help you understand this experience more profoundly. You might also consider several proactive coping strategies to navigate this challenging period with greater resilience and find growth in bereavement.
What is anticipatory grief?
While often painful, anticipatory grief may sometimes mitigate the pain of loss. Unlike a sudden or unexpected death, an anticipated death can give individuals time to say their goodbyes, make amends, begin planning funeral or memorial services, and mentally prepare for life without them. However, this factor doesn’t take away from the emotional pain or grief a person feels, and this type of grief can be as strong as other types for some individuals.
Characteristics of anticipatory grief
While the main difference between anticipatory grief and conventional grief lies in the timing of the experience, there are a few other distinctions to be aware of:
- Anticipatory grief can be felt by the person facing death and their loved ones.
- This type may accelerate, rather than diminish, with time.
- This type of grief has a definite endpoint (i.e., death).
- Anticipatory grief can include periods of hopefulness.
- Those experiencing anticipatory grief cannot yet take on the role of a bereaved person.
These differences make anticipatory grief somewhat more complex than conventional grief—those experiencing it may feel as if they are in a state of “limbo” between normalcy and bereavement. However, this form of grief can also be beneficial, allowing individuals to prepare mentally and emotionally for the upcoming loss.
Examples of anticipatory grief
Anticipatory grief can occur in response to any future loss. While most commonly associated with the impending death of a loved one, grief can accompany other types of loss as well. This type of grief is commonly seen in the following situations:
- Terminal illness of a loved one
- Health deterioration of an aging family member
- Progression of a loved one’s Alzheimer's disease
- A non-viable pregnancy
- Ending of a long-term marriage or relationship
- Upcoming major surgery with uncertain outcomes
- Aging and declining health of a pet
- Upcoming life changes, such as a move
Signs and symptoms of anticipatory grief
Like the experience of conventional grief can differ depending on individual characteristics and the nature of the loss, so can the situation for someone when they experience anticipatory grief. While the emotional terrain may look different for each person, the following symptoms are commonly seen in those facing an upcoming loss:
- Profound sadness and sorrow
- Shock, disbelief, or denial
- Emotional withdrawal
- Anger or hostility, often toward medical staff or caregivers of the loved one
- Preoccupation with memories
- Imagining future scenarios that will not occur
- Anxiety about the future separation from their loved one
- Guilt or regret
Proactive coping strategies for anticipatory grief
Facing a significant loss and preparatory grief can be uniquely challenging, and the thoughts and feelings that arise during such times can be some of the most complex and painful experiences humans encounter. However, researchers studying grief, mourning, and bereavement have identified coping strategies that tend to lead to better outcomes for individuals faced with loss. The following tips may be helpful as you navigate this period.
Reframe the upcoming loss
Despite the sorrow you may be feeling, consider reframing the pending loss not as a threat but as a challenge to overcome. Research indicates that people who adopt a positive mindset when confronted with an obstacle tend to fare better in overcoming adversity, and those experiencing anticipatory grief may find resilience in adopting a pro-growth mentality.
Seek support
Social support is known to be one of the most important predictors of post-traumatic growth. Don’t hesitate to contact friends, family, neighbors, and others in your community for assistance, whether emotional support as you contend with your grief or practical help with day-to-day tasks.
Use open communication
Though it can be difficult, open communication between you and the person who is dying may be beneficial for both parties. Talking about dying with a person who is terminally ill can offer relief from stress and anxiety, while expressing feelings, recounting memories, and sharing hopes can help mitigate the possibility of feeling regret or guilt when they pass. However, respect the individual’s wishes if they don’t want to talk about their own death. You might help them talk about their own life and their favorite memories, instead.
Maintain self-care routines
Maintaining day-to-day routines can be especially difficult when experiencing grief, stress, and sorrow. However, you may find coping easier if you do your best to maintain your physical and mental well-being. Try to get adequate sleep, eat nutritious foods, and get a bit of exercise each day. Going on a walk in nature may be helpful, as spending time in nature is linked to mental health.
Practically prepare and plan
Making arrangements for future needs may prevent stress and empower you as you take positive action. Preparedness could include organizing important documents, such as wills and medical directives, making necessary financial arrangements, and discussing end-of-life wishes with your loved one to ensure their preferences are respected.
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness practices can be beneficial for some people when coping with anticipatory grief. While death can lead to ruminating on the past or worrying about the future, techniques like meditation, deep breathing exercises, and mindful journaling may keep you grounded in the present moment and help you maintain a sense of calm.
Get professional help in grief counseling
A mental health professional who specializes in grief, prolonged grief disorder, and supporting people who feel anticipatory grief can provide valuable support, helping you navigate difficult emotions, develop healthy coping strategies, and prepare for the period of mourning and bereavement to come. A grief counselor might also be able to offer practical communication strategies for having difficult conversations with your loved one or other family members.
If you face barriers to therapy in your area, you might also try an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. With online therapy, you can connect with a grief counselor licensed in your state and attend weekly counseling sessions from home or anywhere else with an internet connection. This option may be preferable if you are currently spending time with a loved one in their final days, allowing you to receive support without attending a face-to-face appointment. In addition, you can access online support groups.
Online grief counseling is known to be as effective for helping individuals manage the symptoms of grief as face-to-face options and may be a source of ongoing support as you navigate the emotional complexities of loss and bereavement.
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