Clarifying The Definition Of Grief: What You Need To Know

Grief is an often overwhelming emotion that nearly everyone experiences at some point in life. It typically refers to the acute pain that follows a loss, such as the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or another major life change. 

Grief can be seen as a natural reaction to loss that tends to vary from person to person. Grief can involve deep distress, sadness, confusion, and even physical symptoms like fatigue. Some may experience intense grief that affects their ability to carry out daily tasks, while others might find they can manage their emotions more easily. In some cases, it may be necessary to work with a licensed mental health professional to cope with grief and loss.

Defining grief

Grief is often defined as deep sadness experienced after a significant loss. This emotional response usually involves not only a sense of sorrow but also physical reactions. Headaches, gastrointestinal issues, physiological distress, separation anxiety, and nervousness about the future may all occur during the grieving process.

Types of grief

Grief can come in different forms, each with its own characteristics and challenges. 

Anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief generally occurs before an expected loss, often when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness. People may begin to mourn ahead of time, which can bring a mix of emotions. They might experience sadness, anxiety, or anger as they prepare for what’s to come. Family members may experience this type of grief as they see their loved one gradually decline. It may be a way for people to begin the process of acceptance.

Delayed grief

Delayed grief typically appears long after the actual loss occurs. Sometimes, people might not show immediate reactions due to the initial shock or because they think they must stay strong. They might suppress their emotions, only for them to resurface much later, often triggered by another event or milestone. It can be a confusing experience, as the grief often seems to come out of nowhere, sometimes making it hard to recognize.

Abbreviated grief

Abbreviated grief is generally short-lived. It can happen when the emotional response to a loss is brief and seems to resolve quickly. This might occur when someone is not very emotionally connected to the loss or thinks they must move on quickly. Some people might mistake abbreviated grief for a lack of caring, but certain individuals may simply process their emotions more quickly than others.

Inhibited grief

Inhibited grief can happen when someone avoids expressing their feelings about a loss. They might push these emotions down or refuse to talk about the pain they’re experiencing. This type of grief may lead to physical symptoms, like headaches or stomach issues, as the body holds on to the stress. 

Complicated grief

Complicated grief usually lasts much longer than typical mourning and interferes with daily life. When grief causes great distress and prevents a person from being able to function as is typical for them for more than a year, it may be classified as prolonged grief disorder (PGD). Even years after the loss, the person might seem to be “stuck” in their grief. They might struggle with intense longing or persistent thoughts about the deceased, and normal routines may become overwhelming. 

Cumulative grief

Cumulative grief can occur when someone experiences multiple losses in a short time. The constant barrage of grief may be exhausting and can make it hard to cope. Each new loss may add to the burden, potentially making it difficult to fully mourn any one event. This type of grief can lead to emotional numbness as a defense mechanism against the overwhelming pain.

Masked grief

Masked grief may occur when individuals do not recognize their behaviors and emotions as grief-related. Instead of visible mourning, they might engage in risky behavior or display unexplained mood swings. Masked grief can often affect mental health and relationships because the underlying grief is usually not properly addressed. 

Different types of grief may require different management strategies, as each may come with specific symptoms that vary in severity and duration. 

Typical stages of grief

The stages of grief, although not necessarily universal, can help people understand the emotional journey they may experience after a loss. These stages usually include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Denial

Denial is often the first stage of grief. It usually involves trouble accepting the reality of the loss. People may find themselves numb or in shock. They might think, "This can't be happening to me." This reaction can be a way for the brain to safeguard itself from the immediate pain.

During this time, life can seem meaningless and overwhelming. The confusion that comes with denial can lead someone to have trouble concentrating and performing everyday tasks. They may try to live life as if nothing has changed. In many cases, this stage essentially acts as a buffer against the intense anguish of the loss.

Anger

After denial, anger often sets in. This emotion can be directed toward oneself, others, or even the person who has passed away. The anger may come from a sense of helplessness and powerlessness in the face of the loss.

Anger can sometimes isolate individuals, contributing to a sense of distance from their family members and friends. A person might think, "Why did this happen? It's not fair!" Anger can also manifest in irritability and bitterness.

Bargaining

In the bargaining stage, people might dwell on "what-if" scenarios. They might think about ways the situation could have been different or strategies to somehow reverse the loss. Phrases like "If only I had..." or "What if we had..." can be common.

Bargaining often involves a lot of guilt. Individuals might believe they could have done something to prevent the loss. They might promise to change their behavior if only the loss could be undone. This stage can bring a lot of confusion as the person tries to make sense of the sorrow they’re experiencing.

Depression

Depression is a stage that normally involves deep sadness and despair. It may seem like life will never be normal again. People in this stage might withdraw from activities they once enjoyed and isolate themselves from friends and family.

Common symptoms include changes in sleep patterns, extreme weight changes, and lack of energy. A sense of worthlessness or guilt can also be common, as well as restlessness or agitation. 

Acceptance

Acceptance does not necessarily mean forgetting the lost loved one or the pain of the loss. Instead, it usually means acknowledging the loss and finding a way to live with it. Life may begin to seem less disrupted, and the person can start to form new routines.

This stage typically allows people to look back on memories with a mix of sorrow and joy. The sharp edges of pain might soften, although the loss may never be entirely gone. Acceptance generally involves adjusting to a new reality and finding meaning as one moves forward.

Grief vs. bereavement

Grief and bereavement are terms often used interchangeably, but they have distinct meanings. In general, bereavement refers to the state of having lost someone to death. It can involve the entire experience of losing a loved one, including the emotional, physical, and social effects. 

Researchers suggest using bereavement to refer specifically to the fact of the loss, while grief may describe the emotional responses to that loss. Grief is not limited to the death of a loved one. It can also occur in response to other kinds of loss, such as the loss of youth, opportunities, or functional abilities. Mourning, which is a term sometimes used alongside grief and bereavement, typically refers to the outward expression of grief through customs, rituals, or personal acts. 

Support options for managing grief

Managing grief can be challenging, but several support options may offer relief and guidance. One potential method is online therapy, which can provide individuals with access to professional help from the comfort of home. 

The accessibility and flexibility of online sessions may make it easier for people to find the support they deserve without added stress. BetterHelp is one platform that can assist people in finding a licensed therapist who meets their needs and preferences to help them move through grief. 

Research suggests that online therapy can be a viable option for those living with grief. According to a 2021 study, individuals who undergo online grief counseling often experience notable improvements in their mental health.