"Grief Is Love With Nowhere To Go”: Honoring The Memory Of A Loved One

After losing a loved one, some may find that they struggle to find an outlet for the love they still have for that person. Quotes about grief sometimes offer insight into how grief works and may provide comfort in times of loss. One such quote is, “Grief is love with nowhere to go.” Some people use this sentiment to channel their love and affection into positive self-care activities and actions that honor their loved one’s memory.  

“Grief is love with nowhere to go” and other grief quotes 

Your unique experience with grief is valid, and you’re not alone as you navigate this journey. Reading through grief quotes may be one way to see that other people are having or have had experiences similar to yours. Below are some popular quotes to consider:  

• “Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.” –Orson Scott Card  
• “I will not say: Do not weep; For not all tears are evil.” –JRR Tolkien  
• “What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” –Helen Keller  
• “As long as I can, I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can, I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, and I will pray to the stars for both of us.” –Sascha  
• “Grieving doesn’t make you imperfect. It makes you human.” –Sarah Dessen  
• “Life has to end. Love doesn’t.” –Mitch Albom  

Understanding grief  

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), grief is “the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person.” While it can manifest very differently depending on an individual’s personality, circumstances, culture, and other factors, grief is emotionally and even physically painful, potentially causing symptoms like:  

• Mood swings 
• Frequent crying  
• Chest pain
• Anxiety and worry 
• Self-blame or blaming others for the death 
• Denial of the events that lead to the death  
• Headaches 
• Stomach aches and changes in appetite 
• Social withdrawal  
• Confusion  
• Shock  
• Symptoms of trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) 
• Difficulty with daily functioning and self-care (Swapped – “ daily functioning and self-care”)
• Feeling Overwhelm
• Muscle soreness  
• Dissociation  

In some cases, when grief is related to a traumatic or unexpected loss, a person might be diagnosed with prolonged grief disorder or complicated grief, which can cause extended and severe symptoms that may not improve without treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms of prolonged grief disorder, such as prolonged and significant disbelief of the death, intense emotional pain, emotional numbness, thoughts of hopelessness, and identity disruption, consider seeking support from a grief therapist for support.  

How to honor the memory of a loved one  

If you believe your love has nowhere to go after loss, you might find it helpful to use these feelings to honor the memory of your loved one in the following ways.  

Consider establishing rituals or anniversaries  

Having rituals you engage in to honor your loved one may give you the sense that you are connecting with their memory or spirit. For example, you might try the following:  

• Lighting a candle on their birthday or the anniversary of their death 
• Writing and then burning a letter to them  
• Writing poetry about your love for them  
• Having a dinner in their honor each year on their birthday or the anniversary of their death 
• Keeping one of their favorite items on display in your home 
• Listening to their favorite song  
• Planting a tree or flowers in their honor 
• Donating to their favorite charity in their name 

Not everyone decides to honor their loved one’s memory in these ways. In some cases, doing so may be too painful. Instead, you might honor your loved one’s memory in daily life through mindfulness, self-care, and the desire to cultivate in yourself all the positive qualities you admired in them.  

Write them a letter of closure  

Some people find that creating closure gives them a sense of safety after loss. If you had a lot of unspoken words you wanted to say to this person, consider writing them a final letter with everything you wanted to tell them. Even if you have some complex feelings about their loss or how they died, you can include these in the letter.  

Let yourself feel how you feel and validate your own emotions. The letter is for you, and it can also be a way to get out the thoughts that you aren’t sure what to do with instead of keeping them inside. No one has to see the letter; you can burn it, hide it, or rip it up after you write it if that feels right.  

Channel your emotions into art and action  

Research suggests healing from grief may be facilitated by art––especially art therapy, which allows clients to create art in a safe environment with the guidance of a specially trained therapist. Creativity allows individuals to channel their emotions into an external object or activity. Some people might create DIY projects, paintings, sculptures, or other art forms.  

Those who do not identify as artistic or aren’t interested in this method might instead channel their emotions through writing, exercise, volunteer work, and other forms of action. Finding an outlet can be a helpful way to believe your love “has somewhere to go” instead of keeping it inside.  

Connect with community 

Community is essential for reducing the potential risks of isolation, which can include illness, inflammation, and a shortened lifespan. Although it may seem that others don’t understand your grief or aren’t able to comfort you, even being around other people without speaking about the loss or engaging in different activities in each other’s vicinity may be helpful. Find ways to include others in your life and try to allow others to support you. If you aren’t looking for advice, let them know how they can help and what you need at this time.  

Share your love  

If you can’t offer your love to your loved one, you might be able to show love to others through activities like the following:  

• Saying “I love you” to those you love 
• Volunteering for and with vulnerable people in your community  
• Donating to a charity  
• Going to a grief support group and offering support to others 
• Showing love to your pets 
• Practicing self-love by taking a break to care for yourself 
• Giving hugs  
• Singing love songs 
• Asking for affection and care when you need it  
• Sharing positive and loving quotes on social media 
• Sending loving thoughts toward nature or the universe 
• Praying, if you are religious or comforted by religion  
• Practicing your spirituality  
• Sending loving energy to your loved one’s spirit, if it aligns with your beliefs 

Love is often considered an expansive emotion, so you can give unlimited love to all people and situations around you. Try to find beauty in daily life and accept love from others. Giving love to other people does not replace the memory or place of your loved one in your life.  

Talk to a grief therapist 

Grief can be complex, and some people may struggle to cope with its impacts on their own. Talking to someone about your experiences and receiving advice or a listening ear may help you through and remind you that you aren’t alone.  

If you struggle to find an in-person therapist, you can meet with an online grief therapist through a platform like BetterHelp. This way, you can attend therapy from home via phone, video, or in-app messaging, which might be helpful if your grief makes it difficult to leave the house. 

Studies indicate that online therapy may be effective in treating complex grief. For example, a 2021 meta-analysis of seven studies suggests that online therapy reduced depression, grief, and post-traumatic stress in clients and that user satisfaction was high.