How To Find Grief And Bereavement Counseling

Each person processes grief in their own way and on their own timeline. The American Psychiatric Association defines grief as “the anguish experienced after a significant loss.” While grappling with a sense of loss and deep sadness, communicating what you're experiencing with friends and family may be helpful. Similarly, speaking to a professional may be beneficial. When dealing with grief, a supportive environment often produces a more positive outcome. Choosing a counselor who is familiar with or has training in the grieving process can offer another layer of support when experiencing the stages of loss. 

By focusing on your mental health and well-being with the help of a counselor, you can learn new coping strategies, implement advice, and receive treatment to more effectively navigate this difficult time. You can meet with a counselor either in person or through online therapy options. When examining your options, you may also consider group therapy or bereavement support groups. Keep reading to learn more about where to find grief and bereavement counseling.

What is grief counseling?

While loss can happen to anyone, the way each person experiences loss is individual and unique. Dealing with the loss of a loved one can be a very personal experience. Counseling for bereavement or the loss of a loved one offers a way to move through the natural grieving process healthily by supporting people through their grief. A therapist recognizes that the death of a loved one may prompt a range of emotions that may be experienced at different times. It's not uncommon for emotional numbness, fatigue, anger, and guilt to accompany a major loss, for example, and such feelings can sometimes overlap, according to human neuroscience.

A bereavement counselor may act as a guide as you process emotions and adjust to the change of no longer having a loved one around. At the same time, counselors recognize the importance of attachment to the person who has passed.

The grieving process can take place not only after the loss of another human, such as a family member, but also after the loss of a beloved companion animal. Many people develop a deep bond with their animals and feel very strongly about their loss. It can be normal to experience deep emotional pain and intense grief after experiencing a significant loss or going through a traumatic event.

No matter the nature of your grief, professional counseling and support can be an invaluable tool in your recovery. A grief counselor is a licensed mental health professional who can provide professional support. Counseling services may vary, but therapists generally support their clients in working through their feelings and developing helpful coping strategies. Some services offered may be individual therapy, family therapy, or narrative therapy, for example. A licensed professional may work with a larger organization or company, or be part of an individual practice. 

The five stages of grief

In the 1969 book On Death and Dying, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross examined and set a model of the grieving process, which is broken down into five distinct stages of grief. Initially, these stages were outlined as the sequential process a person tends to experience after learning they have a terminal illness. With time, the model became applied to all sorts of losses, not just the impending loss of one's own life. Understanding grief can be difficult, but this framework can be helpful.

Countless people have found it helpful to consider the stages of grief set forth by this seminal book as they experience loss. The author recognizes that the grieving process can vary among individuals and came to realize that the stages of grief are not necessarily experienced sequentially, as feelings tend to fluctuate in intensity and vary over time. Still, the five stages listed below can help individuals understand some of the negative thought patterns and forms of emotional expression that can take place when experiencing grief.

The Kubler-Ross model

According to Kubler-Ross' model, the five stages of grief are as follows:

• Denial: Perceiving or acting as if the loss hasn't occurred is a defense mechanism that allows a person to safeguard themselves from the pain and shock associated with the loss. In this stage, the reality of the loss and new situation hasn't fully set in.

• Anger: In the anger stage, one may experience anger toward themselves, the deceased, the cause of death, healthcare workers, family, or others. Underneath anger, there may be feelings or senses of vulnerability and powerlessness. 

• Bargaining: People often bargain in an attempt to perceive a greater sense of control. Bargaining involves ruminating about what could have been done or what wasn’t done before the person died. This stage may include thinking "what if" or "if only" statements in hopes circumstances could return to a previous state where pain could be avoided. 

• Depression: People experience feelings of depression when the present reality of the loss fully sets in. Feelings of emptiness and intense sadness typically accompany this stage, which is not seen as a symptom of mental illness but a natural part of the grieving process. 

• Acceptance: At this stage, a person begins to accept their newfound reality without their loved one. This stage indicates the person may be integrating the loss into their life and beginning the healing process. At the same time, grieving isn't a linear process, so someone may experience acceptance at times, and then revert back to another stage of grieving at others.

Exploring complicated grief and its effects on mental health

Those who are struggling with complicated grief may experience some or all of the following symptoms and difficult emotions:

• Refusal to accept that their loved one has died
• Extreme anger or guilt about the death
• Intense longing for the person who has died
• Intrusive thoughts that have to do with the death

Complicated grief, or logistical issues after loss, can also worsen mental health conditions like anxiety and trigger panic attacks. Young people may be particularly affected by grief if they have not experienced it before or have not yet developed helpful coping mechanisms. Some bereavement counselors specialize in working with those who are experiencing complicated grief and the other emotions and mental health issues that can come with it, such as substance use.

Options for grief and bereavement counseling

When it comes to choosing the right counselor for you, there are several options you might try for therapy. This process can take time as you may need to look into various options. These include:

• Employee-assistance programs: If you have a benefits package with your employer, you may be entitled to a certain number of free counseling or therapy sessions with a grief counselor. This may or may not cover family therapy options in which you attend therapy with family members as well. Family counseling is often helpful for grief, as loss tends to affect multiple people at once.
• In-person practices: Local resources such as a medical center, counseling center, or online search for "in-person counseling near me" may connect you with a counselor in your area. 
• Online counseling: There are many affordable online counseling options available, where sessions can be conducted anywhere with an internet connection. Online counseling allows you to meet with a therapist through phone calls, video chats, or in-app messaging, according to your preferences.
• Hospice agencies: For those whose loved one received care in a hospice, the family may be entitled to receive grief counseling for some time after the loss. Some hospices also provide bereavement services to individuals in the community. 
• Colleges and universities: Colleges often provide free counseling to students who are grieving a loss. They may also offer community counseling given by therapy students at a discounted rate. Schools may sometimes also offer the service of a licensed clinical social worker. A clinical social worker can provide many of the same services as a professional therapist. 
• Vet Center Bereavement Counseling: This service is available for those whose loved ones served in the military. The U.S. Department of Military Affairs provides free bereavement counseling to impacted individuals and families alike. If you’ve experienced loss, bereavement, or traumatic grief related to a loved one in the military, this may be a helpful option for you.
• Faith-based organizations: By reaching out to your pastor, rabbi, priest, or other faith community person, you may be able to receive help in your local area. In some cases, these services may be provided at a free or reduced cost.  

Additional help through support groups 

In addition to counseling, support groups may also help those who are grieving. Some groups are facilitated by a social worker, others by a rabbi or priest, while others are secular. Groups can meet online or in person. Support groups for those who are grieving include live online groups that meet via Zoom, live chat support groups for specific kinds of loss, such as that of a child, as well as forums and email support groups. Support groups may help those going through both intuitive grieving and instrumental grieving. They may help individuals with targeting behaviors that aren’t healthy as they work through chronic grief, and they may also aid people in adjusting their negative thoughts related to grief.

Finding support through online therapy

If you're exploring how grief counseling can help you navigate your feelings, yet you don't want to go to a therapist's office, you may consider online therapy. An online grief counselor can support you and help you build healthy coping skills. Grief therapy techniques can come in many forms, such as acceptance and commitment therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and other forms, and online platforms can make it easy to find a professional using the grief counseling techniques that may be the most effective for you.

A platform like BetterHelp can match you with a licensed therapist, with whom you can meet from the comfort of your home. A therapist can offer support during the transitional phases of grief and bereavement and give you coping skills should you experience symptoms of depression or other mental health concerns. Being able to remain at home during your sessions may make the process feel safer and more comfortable.

Researchers have found that online counseling can be equally effective as in-person counseling and may be applied to various types of therapy, including grief and bereavement. In one study, researchers found that internet-based therapy may effectively treat symptoms of grief in bereaved adults. Participants in this study experienced significant reductions in symptoms of grief, depression, and posttraumatic stress.