How To Deal With Grief: Approaches To The Grieving Process

Grief is a natural response to a loss, whether the death of a loved one or the loss of a marriage, a job, or another aspect of life that is important to a person. In some cases, people may experience anticipatory grief in advance of an expected loss, such as after being diagnosed with a terminal illness and contemplating their own mortality. Grief is often present for months to a year after loss. When grief is more severe or long-lasting, it may be classified as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder.

Grief and complicated or prolonged grief involve a mix of emotional symptoms and physical symptoms. A grieving person may feel depressed, angry, or guilty at different times. They may also experience trouble sleeping, fatigue, and muscle tension. There is no right or wrong way to cope with grief. However, managing grief in healthy ways may help a person avoid maladaptive ways of managing grief, like substance use (previously called “substance abuse”), as well as reduce the chances of grief contributing to more serious mental health challenges. 

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Ways to cope with grief healthily 

Grief is complex, and what helps one person might not help others. However, a few common coping strategies are generally effective, including the following. 

Spend time with others

In some cases, individuals get an urge to withdraw from support systems while grieving. While taking time to grieve and contend with your emotions alone can be valid, social isolation often worsens one’s risk of depression. Emotional support during the grieving process can be key to reducing this risk. 

At other times, you may not want to talk or think about your loss. In those instances, spending time with others instead of isolating yourself can still have mental health benefits. However, you might consider reaching out to people who are distanced from your loss, giving you a break from your grief instead of pushing you to discuss or think about it. 

Practice healthy habits

Grief can cause insomnia symptoms and may make a person more likely to engage in alcohol use or other substance use. Maintaining or beginning healthy habits at this time might seem daunting, but they may protect you from a downward spiral in physical and mental health.

Try to practice healthy sleep habits by going to bed and waking up at the same time every day. If you are having trouble falling asleep quickly, avoid digital devices and bright lights in the hours before sleep. Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, opting for meals with adequate protein and vegetables. Try to engage in physical activity regularly, even if it is a shorter activity, like a walk after dinner. 

If you are tempted to have an alcoholic drink, stick to the expert guidelines. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), men should drink no more than two alcoholic drinks per day and women no more than one alcoholic drink per day.

Read about others' grief

Reading about other people's grief experiences may be comforting. Turning to books or articles on grief may help you know you’re not alone and clarify that what you're going through is a normal response to loss that many others have also experienced. Learning about how others moved through their grief may also give you more ideas for how you can cope with your own.

Turn to spiritual sources of support

Some people report that their spirituality acts as a source of comfort during grief. Spirituality or religion might alleviate symptoms of grief in multiple ways. For example, beliefs about the afterlife could bring someone peace after the loss of a loved one, while a spiritual community could provide support.

There is no specific type of religion or spirituality that a person must practice to find a sense of comfort during their grieving. Consider turning to the beliefs you were raised with or those that seem compelling to you. Prayer, meditation, or other spiritual practices or rituals may ease your distress as you move through grief. Strengthening your spiritual beliefs during this time may also help, as people with stronger spiritual beliefs have been found to move through grief more quickly.

Join a support group

Consider joining online or in-person support groups for people who are grieving worldwide. Some groups support people going through any type of grief, while others are more specific. For example, some support groups are for parents who have lost a child or people going through divorce. If you believe no one understands what you're going through as you grieve, seeking out others through support groups may provide relief. 

Search for grief support groups online. Think about whether you'd prefer meeting face-to-face at in-person meetings or online through phone calls or video chats. Each type of support group may have its own pros and cons.

Express yourself

Expressing one's feelings related to grief may be part of why support groups and spending time with loved ones often move the grieving process forward. However, not everyone has easy access to these forms of support or are comfortable regularly making themselves emotionally vulnerable to others. While not a substitute for emotional connectedness to others, expressing yourself in other ways may be an additional option for clarifying and contending with your grief-related emotions.

Self-expression is personal and can take many forms. Journaling your thoughts and feelings may be an option. You could journal whatever comes to mind or find specific journaling prompts if you're stuck deciding what to explore in your writing. Creative outlets also often allow people to move through complicated feelings of grief through self-expression. Try writing fiction or poetry, dancing, or taking up a visual art like painting, drawing, or pottery.

Try grief counseling

Grief counseling is another way in which a grieving person can express themselves and process their emotions. A grief counselor provides a safe space to discuss loss. Remote therapy may be an attractive option since it allows you to attend sessions from the safe space of your home or your chosen location. Through an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, clients can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions and access weekly support groups and worksheets. 

Researchers are still examining the benefits of remote therapy for grief. A systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials explored how therapy can help people who are experiencing grief. While the studies reviewed had mixed results, the authors concluded that therapy can effectively treat grief in adults. Many of the studies reviewed found that therapy reduced grief symptoms, and these improvements lasted over time.