Navigating The Cycle Of Grief

The emotional pain accompanying the loss of a loved one or a life-altering change can be one of life's most difficult challenges. Because grief can be a highly personal experience, some people also believe they are alone in navigating their cycle of grief. However, while everyone experiences grief in their own way, there are often commonalities in the grieving process. Learning about what to expect may help one know they aren’t alone and be better able to accept their feelings and process, and in doing so, find ways to navigate the stages of grief as they occur. 

The five stages of grief model 

The grief model, which stemmed from a qualitative and experiential study, outlined grief stages that may or may not occur. How each stage manifests can be highly subjective and personal, and one may not necessarily move from one stage to another sequentially. However, these stages are intended to explain a pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving that may accompany the process of loss, which may help you make sense of your changing experience. Because this model is only a theory, some people may not relate to it at all, and there are many other theories about grief to explore. The five stages of grief proposed by Kübler Ross include:

Denial

Denial involves a lack of acceptance of the situation. As a defense mechanism and part of the grieving process, denial can be seen as an attempt to defend oneself from experiencing the depth of emotions associated with the loss of a loved one. An example of denial would be changing the subject whenever someone mentions the loss. 

Anger

The second stage following recognition of loss may be feelings of anger, which can be directed toward oneself, family members, friends, doctors, a higher power, and the person who died or is no longer present. While some people may not readily accept anger as a valid response, the emotion is a common manifestation of grief. Some may feel angry at God for acting unjustly or blame themselves, frequently losing their temper with others or believing that others are insincere or superficial in their words of support. 

Bargaining

This stage of grief occurs when one bargains or compromises with oneself or a higher power in exchange for experiencing less pain or having the situation turn out differently. Bargaining can be recognized by "what if" or "if only" statements. For example, a person might say to themselves, "If only I hadn't been late, they might still be with us," or "What if we hadn't fought that day?" 

Depression

Sadness may settle in during the depression stage. Whereas bargaining, anger, and denial can offer some defense from full awareness of the loss, one may experience a sense of deep sadness or depression following a loss. Depression symptoms may manifest as sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, regret, loneliness, agitation, restlessness, lack of interest or enjoyment in daily life and activities, and feelings of worthlessness or guilt, among others. 

After a loss, depression symptoms are common and can affect one's functioning for some time. However, if the pain does not subside and impairs functioning after a year or more, a person may be living with complicated grief, a depressive disorder, or prolonged grief disorder. If you believe you may be living with a mental illness or your symptoms persist and are severe for weeks or months, reach out to a therapist or primary care physician for a screening. 

Acceptance

Considered the final stage of grief in this model, acceptance refers to a stage in which one comes to terms with the reality of their loss. This stage is associated with gaining distance from the more acute or challenging periods of grief, allowing a person to make plans for the future, celebrate the life of their loved one, and revisit memories without distress. Within these stages, one may experience grief in one stage more than once, spend more time in one stage versus another, and experience other feelings that may not be mentioned above. 

Seven stages of grief model  

Since the introduction of the five stages of grief, other models have also been explored, including an expansion of the five stages. The seven stages of grief include:

• Shock and denial: This stage involves a sense of emotional numbness and denial.
• Pain and guilt: In addition to a sense of overwhelm, one may feel guilty for having certain feelings and needs if they affect others. 
• Anger and bargaining: A person experiencing this stage may revolt against a higher power or themselves and bargain for relief from the situation.
• Depression, sadness, reflection, and loneliness: This stage may involve a period of seclusion and loneliness in which one reflects upon the loss and experience. 
• The upward turn: Once the feelings associated with the painful phases of grieving subside, one may experience a more calm, relaxed state. 
• Reconstruction and recovery: This stage involves gradually rebuilding a life and moving forward. While you may still experience unsettling emotions, you may be moving toward acceptance of the way life could be in the future.  
• Acceptance and hope: At this stage, one may gradually arrive at a new understanding and more positive thoughts about the future. Acceptance may come and go and isn’t necessarily an “end” stage. 

Therapy to navigate grief

Reaching out for help is often the first step in learning to navigate difficult experiences. While therapy cannot keep you from experiencing your loss, speaking to a therapist may be grounding as you navigate the grieving process, as they can support you in managing unsettling feelings and symptoms of depression. 

Since not everyone finds it convenient to attend in-person therapy, some people may find online sessions more accessible. Online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp allows you to have sessions with a licensed therapist by phone, video, and live chat. This ease of communication can be helpful when you're finding it challenging to get through the day and would like your therapist to get back to you promptly. 

A systematic review and meta-analysis investigated the effectiveness and feasibility of internet-based interventions for grief after bereavement. The review, which included the evaluation of seven studies, noted significant symptoms of grief, depression, and post-traumatic stress in the studies' participants. The review's findings suggest that "internet- or mobile-based interventions might constitute an effective treatment approach against symptoms of grief in bereaved adults." However, the researchers also noted that further studies are warranted to support their findings.