Types Of Grief and How to Cope

The way people cope with grief can depend on several factors, including their religion, culture, support system, personality, and mental health history. While grief tends to be a common experience, nobody experiences it in the same way. Frameworks like the commonly used five stages of grief model, which includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, may help individuals contextualize their experiences. However, it can be important to note that some people may move through the stages of grief linearly, while others may move back and forth between stages or skip stages altogether. If you’re having trouble coping with symptoms of grief, consider seeking mental health care online or in person. 

Types of grief

While almost everyone experiences grief at some point in their lives, it tends to be a unique and individualized experience. Not everyone follows the same pattern or experiences the same type of grief. 

Here are seven types of grief you may experience, as well as why they may occur and how they might affect you.

1. Normal or common grief

Normal or common grief affects most people who have experienced a loss. It typically begins soon after the experience, and symptoms may slowly fade over time. In general, someone experiencing common grief accepts the loss and continues moving forward with life, although it may be difficult at times. 

People going through normal or common grief may experience bursts or pangs of grief that last approximately half an hour. This intense distress may arise in response to holidays, the anniversary of the person’s death, or memories of the deceased, although these grief pangs can also occur for no particular reason. 

Symptoms of common grief can include shock, disbelief, emotional numbness, and denial. Those experiencing this type of grief may have anxiety about being separated from their loved ones and get lost in thoughts about them. Normal grief can lead to periods of anger, sadness, and guilt, and it may contribute to changes in sleeping or eating patterns. 

Generally, symptoms of normal grief decrease in frequency and severity over a period of six months to two years.

2. Anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief usually happens leading up to someone’s death. It may be experienced by a person with a terminal illness or their friends and loved ones. Research has found that about a quarter of patients with incurable cancer experience anticipatory grief, and it may be more likely to occur if the patient or their loved ones do not accept their impending death.

Anticipatory grief may help some people come to terms with the death and prepare to move forward. However, others may still experience conventional grief after the death, with anticipatory grief neither preparing them for the death nor helping them move forward.

3. Delayed grief 

Delayed grief can occur when a person’s reaction to a loss occurs weeks, months, or years after it initially happens. This type of grief may result from dissociation, in which the mind and body may block painful thoughts and feelings because they would be too overwhelming to process. People may experience delayed grief because they are occupied with other aspects of the loss, such as making funeral arrangements, going through the deceased's belongings, or managing the estate. After everything is settled, they may sense that they have time to grieve properly.

4. Disenfranchised grief 

This type of grief can be thought of as grief that isn’t considered acceptable by society. Some people may experience this type of grief after a miscarriage, the death of a pet, or any other situation in which they may be told that the sadness they are experiencing is out of proportion to what they “should” be feeling.

5. Collective grief 

Collective grief can occur when the members of a society, town, community, or country experience a significant loss. It can occur after tragic events like natural disasters, war, mass casualty events, or the loss of a leader.

6. Complicated or prolonged grief

Also called traumatic grief, complicated grief can involve long-term mental and physical symptoms, including anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, heart disease, post-traumatic stress disorder, substance use disorder (previously called substance abuse), or alcohol use disorder. 

Someone with prolonged grief disorder may be preoccupied with the person they lost and experience intense longing for them. This type of grief can lead to problems performing daily activities at work, home, or in other areas of life. It usually affects day-to-day functioning in a way typical grief does not. 

To be diagnosed with prolonged grief disorder, the loss must have occurred at least a year ago for adults (six months for children and adolescents), and the person must experience at least three of the following symptoms nearly every day for at least a month before the diagnosis:

• Identity disruption
• Avoidance of reminders about the death
• Difficulty reintegrating into their life (having problems pursuing interests, engaging with friends, or planning for the future)
• A marked sense of disbelief about the death
• Intense emotional pain related to the death
• Emotional numbness
• Persistent loneliness
• Believing that life is meaningless

As much as 10% of bereaved adults may experience persistent symptoms of prolonged grief disorder. Some people may be at a higher risk of developing this mental health condition, including older adults and people with a history of bipolar disorder or depression. Individuals who acted as caregivers for the deceased may also be at greater risk.

7. Absent grief

Absent grief can be described as a form of complicated grief in which a person shows few, if any, signs of distress about the loss of their loved one. According to the American Psychological Association, this pattern of grief may be the result of “impaired response resulting from denial or avoidance of the emotional realities of the loss.”

People with this type of grief may, in fact, be grieving, but they may not be aware of it as they may not experience typical symptoms like guilt, sadness, or regret, at least initially.

How to cope with grief

Grief can be complicated to manage, but there are some things you can do to work through it, including the following:

• Reaching out to friends or family members for support
• Connecting with local or online support groups
• Exercising to release endorphins and reduce stress
• Giving yourself the time and space to heal
• Taking care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating nutrient-dense meals, and engaging in self-care activities

If you are finding it challenging to manage your emotions, consider working with a therapist or grief counselor. A licensed mental health professional can help you work through grief, offering a safe, non-judgmental space where you can talk about your emotions and learn healthy coping skills. 

There are many ways to seek the help of a therapist, including online treatment. When you sign up for an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can attend one-on-one sessions from the comfort of your home at a time that works for you. There are more than 30,000 providers available on the platform, and you can change therapists at any time until you find one who is a good fit for you.

Research has found that online therapy can be an effective way to manage grief. A 2021 review of nine studies found that online treatment could be a safe, efficient approach to managing grief symptoms. 

Takeaway

Nearly everyone experiences grief at some point in their lives, but it tends to be a unique, individualized experience that comes in many forms. Some may work through the grieving process and move forward on their own, while others may struggle to cope with the painful emotions that can accompany the grieving process. If you could benefit from help managing the physical or emotional symptoms of grief, consider reaching out to a therapist in your local area or through an online therapy platform.