What Are the Seven Stages of Grief And Who Do They Apply To?

The term “grief” generally describes the experience of coping with and moving through loss. Although not everyone experiences grief in the same way, many experts have outlined various stages and coping strategies that are frequently involved in the healing process after loss. In this article, we focus specifically on the seven stages of grief model, which includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, guilt, acceptance, and meaning. (Suggestions: Please include some reputable links to the 7 stages of grief as this will be a new concept for most and apparently some sites say there are more than 7 and some say there are a different 5. Adding a primary source would add continuity) If you’re struggling to cope with the mourning process, talking to a licensed mental health professional may be helpful.

Who goes through the seven stages of grief?

Often, people discuss the stages of grief as if they only apply to people who have faced the death of a loved one. However, people can experience grief after any major loss, such as the loss of a pet, job, marriage, home, or friendship.

People can also experience anticipatory grief, during which they may grieve a loss that hasn't yet occurred. For example, a person may grieve after they or someone they love receives a terminal illness diagnosis, even though the loss hasn't yet happened.

The seven stages of grief

The seven stages of grief model is one of many theories about grieving. It stems from the five stages of grief model. In 1969, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published the concept of the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying. These stages included denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The five stages model is often called DABDA, which is an acronym for each stage. 

Kubler-Ross described the five stages of grief as the process a person goes through prior to their own death, but other experts quickly began to apply the process to all forms of grieving. In time, various experts and researchers began adding other stages to the model. 

Currently, the grief stage model is both widely used and widely contested by experts. While experts seem to agree that there is usually a grieving process after loss, it seems that everyone experiences grief differently, and that not everyone proceeds through a set of stages in a step-by-step, linear fashion. 

If you search for information on the stages of grief, you will find five-, six-, seven-, eight-, and even ten-stage models. To confuse things further, there are multiple models with the same number of stages, but differences in terms of what those stages are. 

1. Denial

In the denial stage of grief, a person usually copes with immense loss by rejecting it. They may not believe that the loss happened or, if it's an anticipatory loss, that it's going to happen. For example, a person diagnosed with a terminal illness may insist that the diagnosis is incorrect and refuse treatment or seek out additional testing. 

When a person is facing the loss of a loved one, they may resist moving forward with funeral arrangements or sorting through the person's belongings due to a sense that the person may still return, even if they know this is illogical. During the denial stage, a person may feel stunned, numb, or in disbelief that the loss has occurred.

2. Anger

People who are grieving often enter an anger stage, during which they may blame others for causing the loss. If a loved one died in a hospital, for example, a person in the anger stage of grief may feel anger toward the hospital staff and blame them for the death, assuming the person could have lived if the healthcare providers had done something differently. 

The anger experienced during this stage isn't always rational and could be about any subject even tangentially related to the loss. A person in the anger stage may lash out at loved ones, become especially irritable, or accuse people of wrongdoing that didn't occur. They may feel angry at not only those around them, but at authorities, politicians, or even a higher power. This stage typically involves an attempt to make sense of the loss and find an explanation for why it occurred, even if there is no clear answer.

3. Bargaining

While grieving, a person may engage in psychological or actual external bargaining in an attempt to gain control over what is often an uncontrollable situation. If a person is facing the loss of a job or marriage, this bargaining may look like begging or pleading for another chance and outlining what they would do differently if given the opportunity. When facing a terminal illness or the loss of a loved one, a person may bargain with God or any spiritual presence in which they believe.

Others talking to someone in a bargaining stage may perceive that the person grieving is engaging in magical thinking. The person grieving may talk about things they are thinking or doing to prevent or reverse a loss that cannot be prevented or reversed.

4. Depression

The depression stage of grief is not necessarily the same as clinical depression, though there can be many overlapping symptoms. While the early stages of grief — denial, anger, and bargaining — are often attempts to defends oneself from the immense pain of the loss, depression usually involves facing and feeling the pain. Sometimes, a person experiences physical symptoms during this stage, such as insomnia, fatigue, or physical aches and pains.

In the depression stage, a person may feel deeply sad and miss the person, relationship, or situation they have lost. Someone experiencing the depression stage of grief may cry or isolate themselves. They may believe that nothing can make them happy, and everything may seem to remind them of their loss. Some also call this stage “mourning.” While mourning, a person may experience a sense of emptiness or question the purpose of life without the person or situation they've lost.

While the depression stage of grief tends to be one of the most challenging to experience, it can signal that a person is moving toward acceptance of the loss.

5. Guilt

The guilt stage was not included in Kubler-Ross's initial five stages of grief. Sometimes, guilt is described as a subset of the depression stage of grief, while other experts view it as a stage in its own right. 

Grief-related guilt can take many forms. If a person loses a loved one, they may feel guilty and regretful about not having spent more time with their loved one while the person was still alive. Similarly, they may find themselves mentally replaying situations they went through with the person in which they wish they had acted differently. When guilt is taken to an extreme, a person may begin to blame themselves for the loss, even if it wasn't within their control.

In some cases, people experience a phenomenon called survivor's guilt. Survivor's guilt is often associated with a traumatic event or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but different people may use the term “survivor's guilt” differently. At its most basic level, survivor's guilt can describe the experience of a person feeling guilty that they are still alive when someone about whom they care has died. For example, if two people are in a car crash and one dies, the other may experience guilt and believe they should've died instead.

6. Acceptance

In the acceptance stage, a person usually begins to recognize that the loss is final. While they may still feel sad about it, they are generally no longer in denial, feeling anger or blame toward others, bargaining, or experiencing depression. Since people do not necessarily move through the stages linearly, a person may reach acceptance for a period of time, and then return to a previous stage of grief before gaining long-term acceptance.

Being in the acceptance stage often makes it easier for a person to take care of any plans or tasks required by the loss. For example, acceptance may make it easier to plan a funeral for a loved one, write a will for oneself, or hire a divorce lawyer.

7. Meaning

Kubler-Ross's original five stages of grief ended with acceptance (Suggestion: acceptance on this list is number 6, not 5 and guilt was added which is not part of the original 5 stages), but since then, some experts have argued that meaning or meaning-making could be considered the final stage of grief. When a person begins to make meaning of the loss, they may develop a new narrative around it. Instead of viewing the loss as an inexplicable tragedy, they may begin to see how it could lead to growth.

Making meaning around a loss doesn't necessarily mean ignoring or trying to avoid the more painful stages of grief. Rather, it usually involves moving through them and fully experiencing them until one can see things from another perspective. For example, a person could be deeply upset that they lost a loved one to lung cancer, but they could later make meaning of the loss by viewing it as the catalyst for their positive decision to quit smoking.

Remote therapy for grief

Grief can be seen as a completely normal process, but because it tends to be deeply painful, many benefit from professional support to help them move through it. When grief is severe and long-lasting, it may be called complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder. In these instances, a person may be diagnosed with a mental health disorder and could likely benefit from the help of a mental health professional.

Remote therapy is one option available to support people and their mental health as they move through grief. With remote therapy, a person can attend therapy sessions from home or the location of their choice. BetterHelp is a remote therapy platform that can connect people with therapists who specialize in grief. 

Researchers haven't extensively studied the efficacy of remote therapy for grief. However, a peer-reviewed article discussed the potential of remote therapy for grief. The study authors outlined how cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based treatment for grief. They discussed the possibility of engaging in CBT for grief remotely, through phone calls or video chats, and said they were "cautiously optimistic" about the benefits of remote therapy for grief.