What Does Inhibited Grief Look Like?

When you lose someone or something important to you, your first instinct might be to ignore the loss. Grief can involve painful feelings, and pushing these feelings away might seem easier than facing your grief head-on. However, suppressing (or “inhibiting”) your grief may actually make it harder to process your loss and move forward. 

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What is grief?

Grief is a cluster of symptoms and emotions that are common after a major loss, like the death of a loved one or the end of a long-term relationship. Intense sadness is perhaps the most well-known symptom of grief. However, in the weeks and months after a loss, you might also notice symptoms like:

• Numbness, shock, or disbelief
• Other strong emotions, such as anger, guilt, or hopelessness
• Muscle aches
• Loss of appetite and/or digestive issues
• Confusion
• Trouble sleeping
• Loneliness
• Fatigue
• Symptoms of depression

In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five distinct “stages” of the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, not everyone goes through all five of these stages in the same order—or at all. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), research suggests that most people do not grieve in stages. Generally speaking, everyone has their own grieving process, and there is no single “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. 

Understanding inhibited grief

Symptoms of grief typically improve on their own within a few months to a year, but challenges can arise if you don’t allow yourself to fully process your feelings after a loss. When you avoid facing your grief altogether, this is called “inhibited grief.” Inhibited grieving can look like:

• Ignoring your grief
• Pushing your emotions away
• Not letting yourself think about the loss
• Avoiding showing outward signs of grief
• Acting as if the loss hasn’t affected you
• Distracting yourself from your grief with work, hobbies, or substance use
• Feeling the need to “put on a brave face” around people you know
• Avoiding activities that remind you of what or who you lost

Facing the emotional pain of grief can be challenging, but taking the time to feel your sadness and mourn your loss is often the first step in moving forward. When you avoid coming to terms with it, symptoms of grief may still appear in other ways. For example, you might start experiencing panic attacks or anxiety for no obvious reason. You might also notice physical symptoms, like headaches, indigestion, trouble sleeping, or unexplained aches and pains. 

Is inhibited grief the same as disenfranchised grief?

You may have heard the terms “inhibited grief” and “disenfranchised grief” used interchangeably. These two forms of grief can sometimes overlap, but there are a few key differences to understand.

Inhibited grief is grief that you don’t allow yourself to feel or express fully. In contrast, disenfranchised grief is grief that society limits, judges you for, or looks down upon. Consciously or unconsciously, you might receive the message that certain types of grief aren’t valid or socially acceptable, even if the pain you’re feeling is real. 

The death of a pet is a common example of disenfranchised grief. Losing a pet can sometimes be as painful as losing a family member but often isn’t viewed the same way as a human loss. You might be told to “get over it already” or “just get another pet.” Depending on your culture and social support system, other examples of causes of disenfranchised grief can include:

• A divorce
• A life-altering illness or injury
• The death of a neighbor or coworker
• The death of an incarcerated loved one
• The loss of your home
• The loss of your job

When you experience losses like these, you might stifle your emotions to avoid stigma and judgment. This reaction is an example of how disenfranchised grief can develop into inhibited grief. However, the two do not always occur together. 

Tips for processing your grief 

Although it may not be possible to avoid grief altogether, you may be able to make the grieving process easier by taking care of your overall well-being. That’s why, as you work to come to terms with your loss, you may find it helpful to:

• Spend time around friends, family members, or other loved ones and avoid self-isolating
• Avoid making major life decisions or changes—like moving, changing jobs, or having a child—while you grieve if possible
• Practice mindfulness meditation, breathwork, or journaling to connect more deeply with your emotions
• Maintain balanced eating patterns
• Avoid using alcohol or drugs to numb yourself
• Get regular physical activity, even if it’s just a daily walk or a few minutes of stretching
• Aim to get at least seven hours of sleep per night
• Attend local meetups or support groups where you can connect with others who are grieving

These self-care strategies may help support your mental health as you wait for your grief to become less intense. If you’re struggling to come to terms with your loss or would like extra support navigating the grieving process, you might also want to consider therapy. Speaking with a grief therapist may make it easier to work through your emotions and find healthy ways to grieve. A therapist may also be able to suggest strategies for managing stress and adapting to life after your loss. 

Struggling to come to terms with a loss?

Get guidance through the grieving process

Opening up to a therapist can be a deeply personal experience, especially if you’ve recently lost someone important to you and are feeling vulnerable. Online therapy may make it easier to find a therapist you feel comfortable exploring your emotions with. Platforms like BetterHelp match you with a licensed therapist based on your unique needs and mental health concerns as shared in a brief questionnaire. You can also change therapists at any time, for any reason, at no extra cost. 

Research suggests that online therapy may help people who are in the process of grieving. In a 2020 review, for example, researchers analyzed seven studies on internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy. Their findings indicate that online therapy may lead to improvements in symptoms of grief.