How To Process And Cope With Pet Bereavement

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant, LMHC
Updated June 19, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

For many people, pets are close companions that bring love, enjoyment, and happiness, fostering an intense emotional bond. Losing an animal that has been part of your family can provoke profound sorrow and grief. However, many people feel unprepared for the strength of their grief after a loss. Although grieving a pet might be overlooked by some, pet grief is real and can cause intense emotions and distressing symptoms. 

In many ways, the death of a beloved animal may be similar to grief after losing a human loved one. Though your relationship with a pet may not have been as complex as your human connections, you've lost a living being you cared for. Understanding how to cope with these experiences may help you move forward and honor your pet after a loss.

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Discuss your feelings about your pet with an online therapist

You're not alone 

Losing a pet is a painful process involving intense feelings. Knowing you're not alone can be beneficial when grieving a pet. Psychological research has revealed that it's common for people who have lost a beloved animal to experience a grieving process similar to mourning a human. 

Though the level of distress might not be as severe for everyone, the types of emotions that surface are similar, with respondents in the study expressing feelings like:

  • Numbness

  • Losing part of themselves

  • Disbelief

  • Being drawn to reminders of their companion

  • Preoccupation with the loss

These feelings can be worsened by a sense of guilt and regret among those who had to have their pets euthanized. They might wonder about their pet’s quality of life throughout the dying process. In addition, the circumstances surrounding the decision might cause pet owners to feel guilty, thinking they've betrayed their animal companion's trust. 

Many may feel ashamed after their pet dies. Along with loneliness, embarrassment is one of the most commonly reported emotions among those who have lost a non-human companion. Many worry they'll be perceived as "overly dramatic or sentimental" if others realize how strongly they feel. Some grieving pet owners hide their loss from those around them, attempting to maintain a stoic appearance despite the tumultuous emotions under the surface. 

If you've experienced pet loss and you're feeling conflicted about the intense sorrow you feel, it may be worth remembering that what you're struggling with is common. In addition, someone in your life may relate to your grief, as pet loss is a common occurrence due to the shorter lifespan of many pets. 

How long does pet grief last?

While you may have expected to feel some sadness after an animal friend dies, you might be surprised by how long it persists. This persistence can contribute to the feelings of embarrassment many owners feel. You may wonder if it's normal to continue experiencing heartache months after your loss.

The timeline of pet bereavement can vary from person to person. It may be influenced by factors ranging from the suddenness of the death to whether you live alone. Research in the Clinician's Guide to Treating Companion Animal Issues indicates that about 25% of people reported intense grief lasting three to 12 months after a pet's death, 50% felt that way for 12 to 19 months, and 25% for 12 to 24 months.

Can the loss of a pet’s life affect your mental health?

The stress of life changes, like the death of a loved one, can sometimes pose challenges for your mental health. There's evidence that mental health challenges can happen even when the loved one is an animal. For example, research shows that the stress of pet loss can be a risk factor for depression. 

The effects of pet bereavement may be magnified when the animal's death is unexpected or traumatic as opposed to being caused by a terminal illness. Researchers interviewing people forced to leave behind animals during hurricane evacuation found that they experienced increased symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression. This effect was statistically significant even after accounting for the effects of the other losses and disruptions participants had undergone.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. For more resources, please see our Get Help Now page.

Young people may be particularly susceptible to the impact of a pet's death. A UK study reported that children seven and younger had a heightened risk of depressive symptoms following pet bereavement. For some children, This effect persisted for as long as three years. 

An animal companion's death could also mean the loss of a source of emotional support for those already living with mental illness. Numerous studies have found that people with psychiatric conditions often derive comfort and well-being from the presence of their pets. 

Animal companions may decrease feelings of loneliness, encourage exercise, offer comfort during panic attacks, and serve as a source of meaning and purpose for their owners. If your pet has been helping you manage your symptoms, it's understandable that maintaining mental health might be more difficult after their loss.

How to cope with and process a pet’s death

Pet grieving is often a complex and non-linear process. Despite the popularity of models like the five Kübler-Ross grief stages, there may not be a universal roadmap to navigating bereavement. However, you can take a few steps to work on coping with this loss, including the following. 

Be gentle with yourself

It's common for people who have lost pets to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or otherwise conflicted about their grief. If you've internalized the idea that it's "silly" to feel sorrow for your companion's death, you may benefit from being gentler with yourself. Researchers have identified self-compassion (forgiving yourself for perceived weakness or failure) as a beneficial factor in maintaining grief following a pet's death.

Self-compassion may also be helpful if you're dealing with guilt after euthanizing an animal. You might remind yourself that you made the best decision to minimize your pet's pain and recognize that there are often no easy answers when caring for an animal. Many people must make difficult choices for their pets, so remind yourself of the ways you supported and loved them throughout their life. 

Talk with others who understand pet grief 

Mourning the loss of a loved one can often be a social process, and strong networks of emotional support appear to defend against depression among bereaved people. Yet finding a sympathetic ear can feel challenging since the prevalence of intense grief after the death of a pet is not as widely understood. 

It may help to seek out the company of fellow animal lovers or people who have lost a pet who may be able to empathize with your feelings. In addition to talking with others in your social circle who have lost pets, you may be able to find pet loss support groups in your area that can provide a sense of community.

Create a mourning ritual

Many cultures guide individuals toward rituals like funerals, wakes, and burial rites to express grief when a beloved human dies. However, many people don't have similar frameworks for mourning their pets, which can deprive them of a sense of closure. 

Creating a grieving ritual might help you say goodbye to your pet and help you work through your sorrow. One option is to arrange a funeral in which you bury their remains or scatter their ashes, either by yourself or in the company of a few friends who knew them. 

You may find some solace from minor gestures like lighting a candle, singing a song, or setting aside time to recollect treasured memories, as well. Any action that allows you to mark the transition between life with your pet and without them could help you further process your loss.

Honor your beloved pet's memory

Another potentially helpful way to grieve is by creating a tribute for your fallen friend. Though reminders of your pet may feel painful, making space in your life to celebrate the time you had together can help you constructively process their death. You might try the following ways of honoring their memory: 

  • Placing a framed photo of your pet in a prominent spot

  • Preserving one or two of their favorite toys

  • Creating a marker for their grave and leaving flowers or mementos there

  • Donating in their name to an animal-focused charity

  • Creating a piece of artwork that reminds you of them

  • Making a small scrapbook of photos together

Consider adopting a new pet when you’re ready

When a pet dies, it's perfectly normal to experience a wide range of emotions, from feeling angry to losing interest in daily activities. The grief process can also lead to physical symptoms as your body and immune system react to the emotional stress. Looking at past photos or considering adopting a new animal from a humane society may be part of coping with losing a much-loved pet. 

Acknowledging the death of a pet may also provoke thoughts about your own mortality and the impermanence of life. While it's key to give yourself time to grieve for your deceased pet, engaging with other animals or considering new pets when you’re ready may help in the healing journey. Remember, every horse owner, pet lover, or person who has lost a beloved person or pet goes through grieving differently, and seeking support through this time may be a helpful step forward.

Discuss your feelings about your pet with an online therapist

Speak with a therapist

Having a dedicated person to talk to about your emotions in the wake of your pet's death may also be beneficial. Many mental health professionals are familiar with the dynamics of mourning and can offer suggestions about how to process what you're feeling without judgment. 

If you're struggling with embarrassment about your grief, connecting with a therapist online could be helpful. Remote, internet-enabled therapy can offer a sense of discreetness by allowing you to talk through text chat, voice calls, or video conferencing. The resulting feelings of control and distance help many people feel more comfortable discussing their emotions.

You might expect that a sense of distance would reduce the efficacy of therapy, but the research says otherwise. Evidence suggests that counseling can be as effective online as in person. In randomized trials, internet-based techniques for grief management showed significant improvements in mental health outcomes. Compared to control groups, participants in these programs had fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as an improved ability to face and mentally process their loss. 

Takeaway

Pet bereavement can result in a sense of loss comparable to the death of a beloved companion. The distress of bereavement could be compounded by struggling to impart your grief to those around you. However, social support, mourning rituals, self-compassion, and therapy may help ease your path through grief.
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