How To Process And Cope With Pet Bereavement
For many people, pets are close companions that bring love, enjoyment, and happiness, fostering an intense emotional bond. Losing an animal that has been part of your family can provoke profound sorrow and grief. However, many people feel unprepared for the strength of their grief after a loss. Although grieving a pet might be overlooked by some, pet grief is real and can cause intense emotions and distressing symptoms.
In many ways, the death of a beloved animal may be similar to grief after losing a human loved one. Though your relationship with a pet may not have been as complex as your human connections, you've lost a living being you cared for. Understanding how to cope with these experiences may help you move forward and honor your pet after a loss.
You're not alone
Losing a pet is a painful process involving intense feelings. Knowing you're not alone can be beneficial when grieving a pet. Psychological research has revealed that it's common for people who have lost a beloved animal to experience a grieving process similar to mourning a human.
Though the level of distress might not be as severe for everyone, the types of emotions that surface are similar, with respondents in the study expressing feelings like:
Numbness
Losing part of themselves
Disbelief
Being drawn to reminders of their companion
Preoccupation with the loss
These feelings can be worsened by a sense of guilt and regret among those who had to have their pets euthanized. They might wonder about their pet’s quality of life throughout the dying process. In addition, the circumstances surrounding the decision might cause pet owners to feel guilty, thinking they've betrayed their animal companion's trust.
Many may feel ashamed after their pet dies. Along with loneliness, embarrassment is one of the most commonly reported emotions among those who have lost a non-human companion. Many worry they'll be perceived as "overly dramatic or sentimental" if others realize how strongly they feel. Some grieving pet owners hide their loss from those around them, attempting to maintain a stoic appearance despite the tumultuous emotions under the surface.
If you've experienced pet loss and you're feeling conflicted about the intense sorrow you feel, it may be worth remembering that what you're struggling with is common. In addition, someone in your life may relate to your grief, as pet loss is a common occurrence due to the shorter lifespan of many pets.
How long does pet grief last?
While you may have expected to feel some sadness after an animal friend dies, you might be surprised by how long it persists. This persistence can contribute to the feelings of embarrassment many owners feel. You may wonder if it's normal to continue experiencing heartache months after your loss.
The timeline of pet bereavement can vary from person to person. It may be influenced by factors ranging from the suddenness of the death to whether you live alone. Research in the Clinician's Guide to Treating Companion Animal Issues indicates that about 25% of people reported intense grief lasting three to 12 months after a pet's death, 50% felt that way for 12 to 19 months, and 25% for 12 to 24 months.
Can the loss of a pet’s life affect your mental health?
The stress of life changes, like the death of a loved one, can sometimes pose challenges for your mental health. There's evidence that mental health challenges can happen even when the loved one is an animal. For example, research shows that the stress of pet loss can be a risk factor for depression.
The effects of pet bereavement may be magnified when the animal's death is unexpected or traumatic as opposed to being caused by a terminal illness. Researchers interviewing people forced to leave behind animals during hurricane evacuation found that they experienced increased symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression. This effect was statistically significant even after accounting for the effects of the other losses and disruptions participants had undergone.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. For more resources, please see our Get Help Now page.
Young people may be particularly susceptible to the impact of a pet's death. A UK study reported that children seven and younger had a heightened risk of depressive symptoms following pet bereavement. For some children, This effect persisted for as long as three years.
An animal companion's death could also mean the loss of a source of emotional support for those already living with mental illness. Numerous studies have found that people with psychiatric conditions often derive comfort and well-being from the presence of their pets.
Animal companions may decrease feelings of loneliness, encourage exercise, offer comfort during panic attacks, and serve as a source of meaning and purpose for their owners. If your pet has been helping you manage your symptoms, it's understandable that maintaining mental health might be more difficult after their loss.
How to cope with and process a pet’s death
Pet grieving is often a complex and non-linear process. Despite the popularity of models like the five Kübler-Ross grief stages, there may not be a universal roadmap to navigating bereavement. However, you can take a few steps to work on coping with this loss, including the following.
Be gentle with yourself
It's common for people who have lost pets to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or otherwise conflicted about their grief. If you've internalized the idea that it's "silly" to feel sorrow for your companion's death, you may benefit from being gentler with yourself. Researchers have identified self-compassion (forgiving yourself for perceived weakness or failure) as a beneficial factor in maintaining grief following a pet's death.
Self-compassion may also be helpful if you're dealing with guilt after euthanizing an animal. You might remind yourself that you made the best decision to minimize your pet's pain and recognize that there are often no easy answers when caring for an animal. Many people must make difficult choices for their pets, so remind yourself of the ways you supported and loved them throughout their life.
Talk with others who understand pet grief
Mourning the loss of a loved one can often be a social process, and strong networks of emotional support appear to defend against depression among bereaved people. Yet finding a sympathetic ear can feel challenging since the prevalence of intense grief after the death of a pet is not as widely understood.
It may help to seek out the company of fellow animal lovers or people who have lost a pet who may be able to empathize with your feelings. In addition to talking with others in your social circle who have lost pets, you may be able to find pet loss support groups in your area that can provide a sense of community.
Create a mourning ritual
Many cultures guide individuals toward rituals like funerals, wakes, and burial rites to express grief when a beloved human dies. However, many people don't have similar frameworks for mourning their pets, which can deprive them of a sense of closure.
Creating a grieving ritual might help you say goodbye to your pet and help you work through your sorrow. One option is to arrange a funeral in which you bury their remains or scatter their ashes, either by yourself or in the company of a few friends who knew them.
You may find some solace from minor gestures like lighting a candle, singing a song, or setting aside time to recollect treasured memories, as well. Any action that allows you to mark the transition between life with your pet and without them could help you further process your loss.
Honor your beloved pet's memory
Another potentially helpful way to grieve is by creating a tribute for your fallen friend. Though reminders of your pet may feel painful, making space in your life to celebrate the time you had together can help you constructively process their death. You might try the following ways of honoring their memory:
Placing a framed photo of your pet in a prominent spot
Preserving one or two of their favorite toys
Creating a marker for their grave and leaving flowers or mementos there
Donating in their name to an animal-focused charity
Creating a piece of artwork that reminds you of them
Making a small scrapbook of photos together
Consider adopting a new pet when you’re ready
When a pet dies, it's perfectly normal to experience a wide range of emotions, from feeling angry to losing interest in daily activities. The grief process can also lead to physical symptoms as your body and immune system react to the emotional stress. Looking at past photos or considering adopting a new animal from a humane society may be part of coping with losing a much-loved pet.
Acknowledging the death of a pet may also provoke thoughts about your own mortality and the impermanence of life. While it's key to give yourself time to grieve for your deceased pet, engaging with other animals or considering new pets when you’re ready may help in the healing journey. Remember, every horse owner, pet lover, or person who has lost a beloved person or pet goes through grieving differently, and seeking support through this time may be a helpful step forward.
Discuss your feelings about your pet with an online therapist
Speak with a therapist
Having a dedicated person to talk to about your emotions in the wake of your pet's death may also be beneficial. Many mental health professionals are familiar with the dynamics of mourning and can offer suggestions about how to process what you're feeling without judgment.
If you're struggling with embarrassment about your grief, connecting with a therapist online could be helpful. Remote, internet-enabled therapy can offer a sense of discreetness by allowing you to talk through text chat, voice calls, or video conferencing. The resulting feelings of control and distance help many people feel more comfortable discussing their emotions.
You might expect that a sense of distance would reduce the efficacy of therapy, but the research says otherwise. Evidence suggests that counseling can be as effective online as in person. In randomized trials, internet-based techniques for grief management showed significant improvements in mental health outcomes. Compared to control groups, participants in these programs had fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as an improved ability to face and mentally process their loss.
Takeaway
How do you deal with pet bereavement?
Mourning the loss of a pet often involves accepting the death of a cherished family member; the grief produced by a pet’s life ending is not much different from that which comes after losing a human family member. Pet bereavement is a grieving process like any other, and pet owners frequently humanize their departed pets regarding emotions, needs, and legal rights.
Techniques for coping with grief will likely be helpful. Grief is a powerful emotion, no matter who the loss is felt for. Here are a few tips for managing grief that you may find helpful:
- Accept your feelings. Feeling a range of emotions like sadness and anger is normal and completely acceptable. Your feelings are legitimate, and you do not need to suppress them.
- Remember your pet’s best days. Allow yourself to remember what made your pet special and unique. However, try not to focus too much on their final days, especially if their death was traumatic or unexpected. It is sometimes easy to ruminate on negative memories, which can make grief harder.
- Reach out to others. Reach out to friends and loved ones for support during your grief. You can also contact your local human society to inquire about a pet loss support group or reach out to the Pet Compassion Careline to speak to an empathetic listener.
- Give your pet a memorial service. If your pet was cremated, consider scattering your pet’s ashes somewhere that was special to them or gathering others who loved the pet to tell happy stories. You can do any sort of memorial ceremony that aligns with your personal beliefs.
- Keep up on self-care. Grief is a major distraction, and it can sometimes be easy to fall out of healthy routines while grieving. Make sure you take care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, and staying active.
How long does pet bereavement last?
As with all grief processes, the exact length of pet bereavement will differ for everybody. Evidence suggests that symptoms of acute grief typically last for one to two months, which accounts for the most significant emotional pain in the grieving process. Some symptoms of grief may last up to a year, but these are typically less severe than in the first month or two.
It is important to note that there is no time limit on your bereavement; everyone handles their own grief and their own pace. However, there may be some things to consider if your mourning becomes prolonged.
If a period of grieving has an acute phase that lasts less than two months, it likely is what’s known as uncomplicated grief. In contrast, complicated grief has a longer acute period and can potentially last indefinitely. Complicated grief affects about 10% of all bereaved people, and it is likely possible for complicated grief to arise following the loss of a pet.
If it has been several weeks since the loss of your pet and you still feel overwhelming grief or your mourning interferes with daily life, consider reaching out to speak to a mental health professional. You may be overcoming complicated grief, which may seem daunting, but complicated grief is highly treatable. A therapist can likely help you move past your loss, develop pet loss coping strategies, and return to a normal routine.
What defines pet bereavement?
Pet bereavement refers to the feelings of grief, loss, and mourning following the death of a pet. Owners tend to humanize their pets following their death, and grieving for them as one would for human family members is common. Pet bereavement is a common and normal process following the loss of a pet. It is normal to grieve, and that grief often feels similar or identical to the grief one feels after losing any other loved one.
Is it normal to mourn the loss of a pet?
Mourning the loss of a pet is a normal process that most pet owners go through. The grief one feels after a pet passes away is similar to what one feels when losing a family member; many humans mourn their pets as though they were any other beloved person. It is also normal for other grief processes that often apply to humans to apply to pets, such as anticipatory grief, which is grief that occurs as a pet approaches their final days.
Reaching out to others who understand what you are going through may be helpful. While some people consider grieving the loss of a pet to be abnormal or unwarranted, the feeling of grief that comes from the loss of a pet is as real as any other. Don’t hide your grief or downplay it; try to find people who will support you and empathize with the loss you’ve experienced. Similarly, don’t attempt to placate your grief by getting a new pet too soon.
How do you comfort a grieving pet owner?
The loss of a pet causes feelings of grief similar to the loss of any loved one. Helping someone who is mourning a pet is nearly identical to helping someone overcome any type of grief. Here are some tips for helping someone who is grieving the loss of a pet:
- Validate their feelings. Some people consider the grief from losing a pet less legitimate than other types. Make sure to let the person you are supporting know that you affirm and validate their right to mourn the loss of their pet.
- Help with surviving pets. If the person has other pets besides the one that died, offer to help them take care of those pets while they are grieving.
- Talk about their pet’s happy times. Encourage the person to talk happy memories and stories about their pet. Try to help them focus on happy memories over sad ones, especially surrounding their pet’s last days.
- Be a good listener. A person who has lost a pet may need to vocalize or discuss their grief several times as they process it. Try to remain as engaged as possible, and don’t cut the person off if they tell you something they already have.
- Don’t give advice or judgments. Don’t tell the person how to grieve for their pet unless they request your advice. Similarly, don’t pass judgment on the person’s grief or how they are managing it.
Why is grieving a pet so hard?
Grieving the loss of an animal companion is likely difficult because pet owners tend to humanize them in the grief process. Evidence suggests that many pet owners tend to perceive their pets no differently from humans in terms of emotions. Grief from the loss of a pet is just as legitimate as any other type of grief, and it is important to recognize that a person who has lost a close pet is likely to experience a significant mourning period.
Evidence suggests that the acute grieving period after losing a pet - when grief is its strongest - typically lasts around one to two months. In 90% of cases, the symptoms of acute grief start to recede after a couple of months at most, but less significant symptoms of grief may last for up to a year. In contrast, roughly 10% of bereaved people develop complicated grief. While uncomplicated grief is defined by an acute period lasting less than two months, the acute stage can last much longer when grief becomes complicated.
If you’re struggling to grieve the loss of a pet, consider contacting a therapist for help. Whether your grief is complicated or uncomplicated, a mental health professional can likely guide you. Even if your grief is severe or seems unrelenting, treatment is possible, and you will likely be able to move on from your feelings of mourning.
Why do we never get over the loss of a pet?
Most people get over the loss of a pet in a year or less, with the most significant symptoms of grief beginning to dissipate a month or two after the pet’s death. However, in some cases, complicated grief can develop. While uncomplicated grief is defined by an acute phase lasting less than two months, complicated grief has an acute phase that lasts much longer, potentially indefinitely.
If you are struggling to get over the loss of a pet that occurred weeks or months ago, it may be worthwhile to seek professional help. Complicated grief can be difficult to manage by yourself, but treatment is possible with the help of a therapist.
Why did I not feel sad when my pet died?
If you were fond of your pet and didn’t feel sad when they died, it doesn’t mean you’re not grieving them. Numbness is a common symptom of grief, and it is possible that you aren’t at a stage in your grieving process where you are ready to feel sad. If you’re worried that you aren’t processing your emotions or that your grief is not progressing, consider reaching out to a therapist for assistance. Grief can sometimes be difficult to overcome solo, and a qualified mental health professional may be able to help you get back on track.
Why is losing a pet so traumatizing?
Many people likely find losing a pet traumatizing because many pet owners humanize their pets. The grief a person feels at the loss of a pet is often the same grief they would feel if they lost a human loved one. Grief is grief; losing a pet is a valid reason to mourn, and it is normal to feel like you have suffered a significant loss when a pet passes away. Try to spend time with people who understand how difficult losing a pet can be. Remember, your grief is valid, and it is important you seek support if you need it.
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