How Guilt And Forgiveness Can Transform The Past Into Growth

Have you ever said or done something you wish you could take back? In the aftermath, one of the lingering emotions you might be feeling is guilt, which may arise after going against your moral code. This is where forgiveness can come in. Through forgiveness—the act of letting go to move forward—you may be able to release the weight of guilt and learn from it. 

Guilt and forgiveness can often play an important role throughout your journey of personal growth. Feeling guilt, while uncomfortable at first, can at times be a useful force in prompting us to develop more positive behaviors. It can allow us to see how our behavior went against our values; paired with forgiveness for ourselves, this can help us gain clarity on how we want to act in the future. Continue reading to learn more about how to grow from guilt through forgiveness. 

Why we might experience guilt

Guilt is a feeling we might experience when we think we've done something wrong according to our own moral compass. According to the American Psychological Association, guilt is a “self-conscious emotion” in which this painful awareness of having done something wrong is often also accompanied by an eagerness to do something to fix this perceived wrong. Guilt is different from shame, as shame involves the added layer of fearing that other people will find out what you’ve done, resulting in judgment. 

While guilt can feel painful and uncomfortable, it can also be positive in some ways, as it can help us maintain relationships with others and stop us from repeating the same mistakes. In fact, researchers who have studied guilt have found that it can help people focus on behavior and even be moderately preventive for harmful behaviors. 

For instance, a recent study, published in 2018, found that “guilt-proneness was consistently associated with the routine use of defensive behavioral strategies during episodes of alcohol intake.” In other words, the study found that guilt can offer a defensive function against unhealthy behaviors. 

Guilt can come up for all kinds of reasons. Maybe you said something without thinking, and it hurt someone's feelings. Maybe you didn't lend a hand when you could have. The intensity of guilt you feel can depend on many things, like the gravity of the mistake you think you've made, what your own personal values are, and the situation you're in. Sometimes, you might even feel guilty just for setting boundaries or taking time to look after yourself. Feelings of guilt might also occur if you’ve been particularly hard on yourself.

Situations in which you might feel guilty may include:

• You lied to someone you care about. 
• You didn't help out a friend when they needed you, even though you could have. 
• You did something that goes against what you believe in. 
• You hurt someone else, through words or actions. 

These are just a few examples. If we can figure out what leads us to feeling guilty, it may be easier to manage those feelings. We can then learn from what happened and make changes to do better in the future.

How we can grow from guilt through forgiveness

Even though guilt is a natural feeling that can come up from time to time and help us recognize our mistakes, it can be valuable to learn how to manage it in healthy ways. That way, you can get past feelings of guilt and move forward, rather than letting it linger or consume you. One way to do this is by forgiving ourselves and being kind to ourselves. Self-forgiveness can help us learn from our mistakes and use them to grow.

To help you grow from guilt and embrace forgiveness, there are several practical steps you can take. These steps might help you be kinder to yourself and turn guilt into opportunities for growth and self-improvement. Here are seven key steps that may help you practice self-forgiveness:

1. Accept your feelings

First, try to recognize and accept that you're feeling guilty. Rather than pushing these feelings away or pretending they're not there, try to remind yourself that it's natural to feel guilty sometimes. It's part of being human.

2. Take responsibility

If you have done something that you know was wrong, owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions can be an important part of moving forward. Taking responsibility for what you’ve done may help you  learn from your experiences, which can be a key part of growth and self-improvement.

3. Practice self-compassion

Throughout this process, try to treat yourself with understanding, kindness, and support. We all make mistakes, so try to give yourself some grace. Though it can be hard to recognize at first, these mistakes can help us grow emotionally and become stronger.

4. Express remorse

If you have done something to hurt someone else, apologizing can be a necessary part of this process. This can show that you know you've made a mistake and want to grow from it, and it can be important for mending the relationship. 

5. Make amends

If possible, try to fix any damage you've caused. By making amends, you can show that you're truly sorry and eager to right the wrong. This may also help strengthen your commitment to not making the same mistake again.

6. Learn from the experience

To grow from this experience, try to think about why you made the mistake and consider the lessons it has taught you. You can then use these lessons to create a plan for how you can grow and avoid making similar mistakes in the future.

7. Focus on the future

While it can help to learn from your past mistakes, dwelling on them too much can be counterproductive. Once you have acknowledged the mistake, made amends, and learned from it, try to allow yourself to move forward. Rather than stewing on a past wrong, you can focus on the improvements you've made and the positive changes you can make in the future. By learning to forgive yourself and treat yourself kindly, you can move forward and keep growing. 

Overcoming guilt and finding forgiveness with online therapy

Figuring out how to process guilt and practice self-forgiveness can often be much easier said than done. If you would like support in this process, online therapy may be a useful tool to help manage feelings of guilt and learn self-forgiveness. If you’re feeling guilt and its related emotion—shame—it may seem difficult to confront these emotions in a face-to-face setting. Being able to have these conversations remotely may be easier and more comfortable for some people; with online therapy, you can have therapy sessions wherever you have internet, including the comfort of home. 

Research shows that online therapy can be effective for concerns including self-compassion, which, as noted above, can be a key component of practicing self-forgiveness and moving forward from guilt. A 2016 study examined the effectiveness of an online self-compassion program for reducing psychological distress and increasing self-compassion and happiness, and it found that participants in the online program reported “significant increases in self-compassion and happiness and significant decreases in depression, stress, and emotion control difficulties.”