Setting Boundaries Without Guilt And Other Self-Care Techniques

Do you feel guilty when you set boundaries (or try to set boundaries) with others? Feeling guilty about setting boundaries can make it difficult to say “no” to others or prioritize your own mental health, well-being, and daily tasks. But it doesn’t have to be this way. 

Boundaries allow you to establish and communicate to others the standards of treatment you expect. Committing to self-care and learning to set healthy boundaries can make it easier to safeguard your well-being without feelings of guilt, shame, or resentment. It takes practice to set a boundary in a healthy way, but over time, boundary setting will become a bit easier. 

This article will detail how you might enforce boundaries, incorporate practical self-care into your routine, and use supportive and effective methods like online therapy to maintain healthy relationships.

What is self-care?

Self-care involves purposefully engaging in activities to maintain and enhance your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, extending beyond basic necessities for survival. Establishing clear boundaries is a fundamental aspect of nurturing healthy relationships with partners, friends, coworkers, and family. Daily self-care can look different from person to person, but consistent and robust self-care can contribute to personal growth and physical and mental health.

What are the benefits of self-care? Physical and mental health benefits

Self-care emphasizes the significance of addressing your personal needs. Consider, for instance, that your mind and body not only require but truly deserve sustenance and regular exercise to operate at their peak. Integrating self-care into your daily routine enables you to prioritize these needs and discover approaches that contribute to your happiness, health, balance, and overall life satisfaction.

Numerous studies have clinically proven the benefits of self-care routines, which:

• Reduce or eliminate symptoms of mental health conditions like anxiety and depression.

• Increase feelings of happiness, self-confidence, and other beneficial emotions.

• Decrease stress levels.

• Enable smoother and calmer adaptation to change.

• Encourage a solutions-focused mindset.

• Promote stronger, healthier, and more satisfying relationships.

• Bolster resilience in the face of stress.

Taking steps to eliminate unnecessary stressors in your life can reduce barriers to self-care.

Why do some people feel guilty about practicing self-care?

Researchers at the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) suggest that some people feel guilty for prioritizing their needs over others’. Guilt can become a major interference in setting and maintaining boundaries. If you tend to neglect your own needs for this reason, try to remind yourself that you will be better able to care for others when you are rested, healthy, and emotionally balanced. This may also extend to feeling guilty when setting boundaries.

A quote from “Why You Struggle With Self-Care” sums up many people’s experiences of attempting to incorporate self-care into their routines.

Setting boundaries

Establishing personal boundaries is a part of every healthy relationship. Consistently practicing self-care is key to being and feeling your best. This likely means communicating your boundaries to others clearly. It may not be easy to initiate these conversations, but recognizing that it's not wrong to prioritize your needs can be crucial for your progress.

If you want tips for setting boundaries, consider the following approach to communicating your boundaries to others and overcoming feelings of guilt that might impede your commitment to self-care:

• Approach the situation with a solution-centered outlook.

• Turn off electronics and focus on in-person communication.

• Accept that the conversation may be difficult and cause uncomfortable feelings like remorse, guilt, or shame.

• Ask to have a quiet discussion about setting boundaries.

• When speaking, focus on remaining calm and avoid raising your voice.

• Use “I” statements to express concerns and boundaries without accusing the other person.

• Make clear, straightforward statements to express your boundaries and needs.

• Frame your requests in terms that emphasize behaviors you want to see rather than those you wish to change.

• Expect resistance, but don’t back down. Try not to feel bad or go on a guilt trip about standing up for yourself. 

The tips above are designed to be practiced over time, as establishing boundaries is not a one-time thing. Consistently enforcing boundaries can support self-care by ensuring you discuss your limitations with the people in your life so you can separate yourself from unhealthy or harmful people and situations. Boundaries guard your self worth and personal space and let others know what you find acceptable. For example, boundaries are there to help you someone makes you feel uncomfortable. Healthy boundaries allow you to build thriving, reciprocal relationships that meet the needs of everyone involved. 

Healthy boundaries and authentic relationships: How to set boundaries

Researchers suggest communication is generally at the heart of healthy relationships. Setting boundaries requires communication and, likely, compromise. The result? Both partners may feel safe, understood, and trusted. When you tell your partner how you want to be respected and are willing to be treated, you are taking steps to establish a healthy bond that meets your needs and accommodates theirs. 

In the process of establishing healthy boundaries, you may need to express and acknowledge the word “no.” This means being willing to decline certain requests or commitments that could potentially compromise your well-being or overwhelm your capacity. Some people may feel guilt at saying no, especially if they are a people pleaser. It can be beneficial to take steps to reduce guilt that you feel when setting a boundary and practice greater self compassion. 

Understanding and embracing the power of saying no is an essential aspect of maintaining personal boundaries. It signifies a commitment to self-respect and a conscious effort to avoid overextending yourself, fostering a balanced and healthier approach to interpersonal relationships and personal responsibilities.

Limits give you a framework within which to address conflicts and make it easier to work through potential issues together. It may be uncomfortable to discuss in the moment, but it just might end up strengthening your relationships. While a healthy boundary can improve relationships and well-being, weak boundaries can lead to conflicts and resentment. 

Ways to practice self-care

Boundaries are just one part of self-care. Your self-care routine may include some or all of the following evidence-based practices below.

Stay well-rested

Getting a proper amount of rest daily is crucial to your health and well-being. Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention state that honoring consistent bedtimes and sleeping in a dark, quiet environment support healthy sleep hygiene.

Fuel and exercise your body

Your body has extensive nutritional needs, and ensuring you eat a nutritious, balanced diet can help your body and mind function at their best. Exercise is still one of the first recommendations doctors make for maintaining overall health and fitness. 

Avoid overcommitting yourself

There are only so many hours in a day, so it’s important to carefully prioritize time commitments. Wherever possible, remember to prioritize the things that matter most to you alongside your personal and professional responsibilities.

Develop coping skills

Coping skills are strategies employed to manage both daily stressors and more challenging situations, including negative emotions and complex circumstances. Engaging in self-care often entails developing a set of coping skills to navigate and overcome the diverse challenges you encounter in your day-to-day life. 

Devote time to what makes you happy

This might look different for everyone. For one person, it might mean weekend excursions to the countryside. For another, it might be connecting with others. Taking part in the little things that give you joy — like nurturing a budding garden or walking your dog in the afternoon — can make a significant difference.

Practice emotional control

When stressed, try using sensory input to help manage your feelings and achieve emotional balance. Develop your sense of emotional intelligence, awareness, and literacy to help you recognize your feelings, understand how they impact your mood and behavior, and express what you feel to your loved ones.

You might also use relaxation and mindfulness techniques like meditation and yoga to help you connect with your emotions, improve your concentration, and achieve a sense of calm. Consider challenging instances of negative thoughts by instilling a conscious practice of gratitude or positive self-talk. 

How therapy helps you build boundaries and healthy relationships

Many people find difficulty in setting boundaries and finding time for other modes of self-care, and facing feelings of guilt for wanting to is common. Having significant trouble setting boundaries without feeling guilty, or not having guilty feelings when engaging in other forms of self-care, may warrant further assistance. Some circumstances can also interfere with your ability to set boundaries, such as dysfunctional families. Some may experience emotional abuse where boundaries are not respected or not treated like a “big deal,” and some parents may have trouble respecting boundaries set by their adult children, such as needs for peace and independence. 

If you have trouble prioritizing your needs and building healthy relationships, whether due to feelings of guilt or difficult circumstances, consider working with a licensed therapist through an online platform like BetterHelp. Setting boundaries in a healthy way can be important, and you deserve to feel safe and respected. 

Online therapy can help you explore and articulate your limits to your partner, family members, friends, or coworkers while teaching you to identify, understand, and express your needs and emotions. The structure of online therapy is also conducive to people learning how to set boundaries because the flexible scheduling empowers users to lean into their agency. They can book virtual appointments with their online counselor at convenient times instead of sensing pressure to sacrifice other essential needs or priorities.

Therapists often use treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help patients examine the connections between how they think, feel, and act, allowing them to recognize unhelpful or maladaptive patterns. Recent studies show that online and in-person CBT offer similar outcomes. However, patients often report a more comprehensive network of licensed providers, shorter wait times, and more cost-effective pricing scales using teletherapy platforms.