What Is The Impact Of Guilt In Social Relationships?

Guilt is an emotion people may feel when they perceive they've hurt or upset someone else. Guilt in social relationships can be complex, as this emotion can be damaging to the mental health of those involved. However, guilt may also sometimes help individuals become better friends, family members, and classmates because it can help them understand how other people feel and remind them to make healthy decisions. 

Guilt can look different for everyone. For instance, maybe after you've hurt a friend’s feelings, you notice that you can't look your friend in the eye or start having negative thoughts about yourself. Some people may try to fix wounded relationships repeatedly, even when they've already been forgiven. It might cause stress or strain in your relationship if you struggle to shake your guilt. Understanding how guilt impacts relationships can help you move forward healthily.  

What might cause guilt in social relationships?

There can be various signs you feel guilty in relationships with friends, family, or classmates, including but not limited to the following. 

Unresolved conflict

One common cause of guilt is past conflicts that haven't been resolved. For example, maybe you had an argument or misunderstanding with a friend and never talked about it or came to a resolution. You might feel guilty if you know you were heavily involved in the argument or didn't do your best to fix the relationship. 

Miscommunication

When people don't understand each other's words or actions correctly, it could lead to confusion and unintentional hurt. For example, if you accidentally hurt a friend because of a poorly timed joke, you might feel guilty, even though you didn't mean to cause any harm.

Guilt-tripping 

In some cases, guilt comes from other people trying to make you feel bad on purpose, a tactic known as "guilt-tripping." This tactic is often used in situations in which others try to get what they want by pressuring someone else to feel guilty. For example, a person might try to make you feel guilty for something you did or didn't do to manipulate you into acting in a certain way. 

Worry 

You might also feel guilty if you're worried about your friends getting into trouble or suffering, even if it's not your fault. It can be natural to care about your friends and their well-being. However, you might start believing you are responsible for the unfortunate events that happen to them, even if you didn't cause those problems. Accepting that you may not have control over the situation can be helpful. However, if you didn’t act in misalignment with your values, there may not be a concrete reason to feel guilty. 

What are the negative effects of guilt on relationships?

Guilt can prompt you to reflect on your behaviors, which can come up for different reasons. On the positive side, guilty feelings may encourage prosocial behaviors or behaviors that benefit others, particularly in relationships between two people. However, prolonged, excessive, or misplaced guilt can have a range of adverse effects on social relationships, including but not limited to the following.  

Strained interactions

Ongoing guilt might make your interactions with others uncomfortable or tense. When you're feeling guilty, you might become overly worried about what you're doing and how others are seeing you. As a result, your conversations and interactions could seem forced or awkward. 

On top of these experiences, feeling guilty may make you more guarded with your feelings and how you communicate, which could prevent you from genuinely connecting with others. You might then experience tension or strain in your relationships.

Shame and low self-esteem

While some guilt may benefit behavior, the related emotion of shame is often thought to have a range of more negative effects. Guilt most often occurs when you have made a genuine mistake and are viewing your behavior negatively, while shame may prompt you to consider your entire self negatively, resulting in low self-esteem and challenges in social interaction. Guilt is a moral emotion. Moral emotions are based on your social morality and moral sentiments. 

The two concepts are distinct, but guilt and shame may occur together depending on the situation, and guilt may bring on a sense of shame. When you're frequently feeling guilty, you might start to see yourself in a negative light, causing you to believe you are unworthy or incapable. Low self-esteem can make you question whether you can have healthy relationships and may also prevent you from trying to make or keep connections with others. If judged, guilt can also turn into shame due to emotional and communicative behaviors in social circles that ultimately shape human societies. 

Manipulation and control

In some unhealthy relationships, guilt might be used to control or manipulate people. If one person can make another person feel guilty frequently, they might try to leverage that feeling for their own advantage. This person might try to make the person who feels guilty believe they must constantly show that they’re dedicated to keeping the relationship going or make up for their supposed “mistake.” 

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Ways to manage guilt in relationships

While guilt is a natural feeling that may arise in relationships, it can be helpful to know how to manage it so that it doesn't get in the way of healthy and positive connections. You may also benefit from working through shame as another oriented moral emotion. 

Exploring ways to handle guilt in relationships can be helpful, including understanding yourself and your feelings, improving your communication skills, and setting boundaries. These strategies may help you find the right balance between getting along with others and caring for yourself, which may lead to healthier and more satisfying relationships.

Self-reflection and awareness

One potential step in resolving guilt is understanding your emotions and why you're feeling guilty. Instead of participating in repeated social bargaining games, consider deeply thinking about the situation to understand why your feelings have arisen. Ask yourself if the guilt you're feeling seems reasonable, given the facts of the situation. 

A more significant awareness of your own feelings may help you understand how much guilt you're feeling and why. Understanding your feelings better may also help you distinguish between guilt and other emotions, such as shame and regret. When you recognize and accept your feelings, you can start to resolve underlying concerns healthily. 

Communication skills

Communication can be a crucial aspect of any relationship. When it comes to guilt, talking about your feelings with the other person involved may be helpful. Talking openly about your feelings of guilt may lead to better understanding and help your relationship grow stronger.

Showing understanding to others and expressing your feelings may also help you solve problems and avoid conflicts. For example, if you’re stressed about a project at work, openly communicating with your coworkers about your workload and explaining why you might miss the team lunch may help you build understanding and empathy.

Setting boundaries

In some cases, guilt comes from trying so hard to get along with others that you may forget to set personal boundaries. Boundaries can be essential for healthy relationships because they may prevent feelings of guilt or resentment from building up.

Consider thinking about your limits or making a list, and let your friends, family, or partner know about them. Keeping your boundaries clear may help you be more confident in your relationships and stop you from feeling guilty when you haven’t made an error. 

Professional support options

While the above strategies may be helpful for managing guilt, some people may benefit from additional support with this process, as doing it on their own can be challenging. Therapy can offer a way to work through guilt and improve social relationships with the help of a trained professional. 

Therapy is available in person and online, and for some people, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be beneficial for concerns like guilt, as you may be more comfortable talking about your feelings from the comfort of your home rather than having to confront these feelings in a face-to-face office setting. In addition, online therapy platforms often offer extra resources, such as journaling prompts, group sessions, and articles to read through.  

Studies have shown that online therapy can be effective for a range of concerns, including those relating to guilt. For instance, one study examined the efficacy of an internet-based compassion-focused intervention for high levels of self-criticism. The study found that online intervention was effective in reducing depression and anxiety symptoms and increasing self-compassion.