How To Avoid The Happiness Trap?
On the surface, happiness may not seem complex. You might associate it with smiles, optimism, and positivity. However, happiness has a few myths surrounding it. Research shows that happiness is a temporary emotion, not a state of being. Thus, some ideas about happiness may cause individuals to have harmful expectations for themselves. These expectations and the complexities of happiness might be referred to as "the happiness trap."
What is a happiness trap?
A "happiness trap" is a limiting belief an individual may carry regarding happiness. The term was popularized in the best-selling book, "The Happiness Trap," by Russ Harris. In it, he teaches acceptance and commitment therapy techniques to help readers build genuine happiness. He also offers an 8-week happiness trap program.
Limiting beliefs
Some of the limiting beliefs people may carry regarding happiness may include thoughts like:
- "I can only be happy if _____ happens."
- "I will only be happy if I get ______."
- "My happiness cannot last forever."
- "If I am happy now, I should always be happy."
- "I have no reason to be upset, so that must mean I am happy."
- "It takes a lot of work to find happiness."
- "Happiness is easily taken."
- "Happiness does not exist."
- "I should be happy all the time."
- "I do not deserve to be happy."
- "I do not know how to be happy."
- "Happiness is a state of being that lasts forever."
Underlying beliefs
Holding underlying beliefs about your feelings might open you to specific challenges, such as:
- Criticism of emotions
- Fear of emotions
- False accounts of emotions
- Misunderstanding of emotions
If you have a rigid idea of what happiness looks or feels like or strict beliefs about when it can and cannot exist, you may be experiencing the happiness trap cognitive distortion. Happiness is an emotional state. Studies show that most emotions do not last longer than ten minutes. Researchers in the study believed that people think they last longer because emotions can be recurring throughout the day, prompting a sense of long-term emotions. Understanding how genuine happiness occurs can be a step toward challenging cognitive distortions.
How to avoid the happiness trap
Forming your ideas about happiness might seem vague. However, understanding what "happiness" means as a concept to you can help you avoid a happiness trap and have a more meaningful life. Many people use "happiness" as a synonym for the following:
- Success
- Excitement
- Long-term peace
- Long-term satisfaction
- Love
- Closeness
- Financial gain
- Completing goals
Although these can be occurrences that cause happiness, happiness is an emotion. To understand what might help you avoid a happiness trap, consider the following options.
Learn about yourself
A lot of how we think about ourselves may come from other people. Our parents, friends, teachers, and bosses could shape our perception of what we think we should and should not be. Because of this, you might learn that your beliefs about happiness come from people in your life. Learning about yourself is one way to start drawing the line between your truth and someone else's.
There are many ways to discover who you are, such as:
- Journaling
- Completing a personal inventory
- Creating art
- Meditating
- Finding/committing to your interests
- Making a list of priorities
- Setting aside time for something you love
- Talking with a therapist
Connecting with your ideas can help you build your self-esteem. Once you gain a firm idea of who you are, you may start to decide what happiness looks like to you. With a solid personal definition of happiness, the myths of your happiness trap might feel less pressuring.
Be flexible
Change can be a part of life, and change might not only happen to external circumstances. You can choose to change yourself, your thoughts, and your ideas. Looking back at yourself from five years ago, you may feel that you have already made profound changes. If you think about happiness the same way you used to, it might signify a happiness trap.
The process of self-discovery can be more than a one-time event. Try to find new and exciting things that make you, you. It is possible that the less of a box you put yourself in, the less limiting your ideas of happiness may be.
Escape the happiness trap: Take time for yourself
Setting time aside for yourself may help you increase moments of joy in your life, which could remind you how happiness works on a chemical level. What do you enjoy most about spending time with yourself? Do you like your creativity, eye for detail, or desire for peace? Lean into that and see where it brings you. Everyone may recharge and spend their free time in their own way. While some people want long, quiet retreats, you might find that a few moments each day feels rewarding to you.
Consider the following activities:
- Reading a book
- Listening to music
- Meditating
- Enjoying a meal alone
- Listening to audiobooks/podcasts
- Taking a short walk
- Trying yoga
- Sitting alone
- Relaxing in a way that feels comfortable to you
The more time you spend with yourself, the easier it might feel to follow your voice. As your inner voice becomes more confident, your ideas about happiness may also become more positive. Additionally, studies show that activities like mindfulness and meditation can improve self-compassion.
Create an environment that supports your happiness through acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)
Because other people and surroundings may easily influence cognitive distortions about happiness, find an environment that complements who you are. ACT encourages mindful awareness of how environments impact our thoughts and emotions, helping us make intentional choices about where we invest our energy. When you find a social circle or physical space that speaks to you, you might feel free to express your definition of happiness.
Finding your place can be challenging. It could feel simple to settle on a group of friends because they have been around for a long time or are nearby. You might also act a certain way or stay stuck in a particular physical space out of obligation, fear, or contentment. However, the more your space aligns with your individual beliefs, the easier it may feel to exist on a level that does not challenge your definition of happiness.
Fight negativity and avoid the happiness trap
Negativity can come in several forms. At times, it stems from external sources like people around you with poor attitudes or unkind behaviors. Other times, it might stem from worries about personal situations you aren't sure you can control.
Eliminating external sources of negativity can require setting boundaries and advocating for yourself. Think of boundaries as a firm brick wall between who you are and the negative influences that affect you. While external influences like these can be a significant source of negativity, you might also notice this negativity from a voice in your head or your thoughts.
Your inner voice might tell you what to do, who you are, and your place in the world. In some cases, people experience a negative inner voice. Challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with facts or positive ideas can be beneficial and important to build genuine happiness.
Setting boundaries with external influences and challenging your negative thoughts may help you replace causes for unhappiness and negativity with opportunities for joy. Happiness and unhappiness might have a hard time co-existing in the same space. Unhappiness could inhabit the same emotional space as guilt, doubt, and obligation, fueling ideas in many people's happiness traps.
Get professional support
You may have to challenge negative thought patterns associated with your happiness traps multiple times. Changing beliefs can be complex. However, it can be possible to see joy, happiness, and success in a new light. In some cases, happiness traps might be a symptom of an underlying concern, such as a mental health condition, and using free resources may not be enough support. Some individuals experiencing depression or anxiety might feel that they lack moments of joy within their lives altogether. In these cases, reaching out for help from a therapist might be beneficial. They can provide one-on-one help through methods like acceptance and commitment therapy.
If you're feeling depressed or experiencing a lack of happiness, it might feel challenging to get out of bed or leave home for an appointment. In these cases, you can still receive support from a professional through methods such as online counseling. Online commitment therapy can allow you to receive care from a licensed therapist through phone, video, or live chat sessions. Additionally, you can partake in sessions from any location with an internet connection. Studies show that online therapy is especially effective in treating symptoms of depression and anxiety.
If you're interested in trying this therapy modality, consider reaching out to a counselor through a platform like BetterHelp. Moments of joy may be obtained through the proper treatment plan and compassionate support.
Takeaway
The happiness traps that each person experiences may differ. However, they are often harmful to mental health. Replacing negative or false beliefs with positive and research-backed ideas about happiness can be rewarding. If you struggle to experience happiness after attempting to challenge these thoughts and work through them, you may also benefit from speaking to a counselor for further guidance.
What is The Happiness Trap theory?
The happiness trap describes the limiting beliefs about happiness that one might apply to everyday challenges. Unrealistic expectations of what should make us happy, what kind of happiness we "deserve," and what we need to do to acquire happiness can sabotage our ability to find it. The Happiness Trap is based on the theories behind acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), an empirically based type of treatment using mindfulness and acceptance strategies along with behavioral change practices to increase one's ability to remain flexible in challenging situations and address them according to one's values.
Is The Happiness Trap worth reading to avoid the happiness trap?
The best-selling book "The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling and Start Living" by Russ Harris may be worth reading, depending on your unique needs. It introduces the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which encourages mindfulness and acceptance of difficult emotions rather than pursuing constant happiness. It might be an excellent complement to therapy if you have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety, depression, or other mental conditions. It can be helpful if you're struggling with worry or stress in everyday life or simply want to learn more about some of the unhelpful ways people think about happiness that affect their ability to be happy.
Is The Happiness Trap good for anxiety?
Research does suggest that ACT, the therapeutic method behind The Happiness Trap, can relieve anxiety and depression symptoms and help individuals gain greater psychological flexibility in handling daily challenges.
What is The Happiness Trap, and how does Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offer the secret to being freed from it?
The Happiness Trap, as defined in the book, refers to the harmful beliefs that some individuals hold about the nature of happiness. For example, one may hold rigid beliefs that one must get or achieve something to be happy. Some may think they should always be happy or don't know how to be happy. The overarching idea is that such misconceptions about happiness create a "trap" for people.
The book introduces Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as a psychological method that offers practical techniques for addressing and overcoming these false beliefs. According to the book, becoming "free" from the Happiness Trap requires mindfulness and self-exploration about the unrealistic beliefs we hold about happiness. It requires learning about your core values and how they shape your views about happiness. It also requires learning flexibility and acceptance of the painful thoughts and feelings we all have sometimes.
Is The Happiness Trap good for OCD?
A comprehensive body of research indicates that ACT, the therapeutic intervention behind the happiness trap theory, can "bring about clinical improvement in OCD." Many psychotherapists use ACT for treating OCD and other mental health conditions because of its research-backed efficacy.
Can happiness reduce stress?
Research shows there can be a bi-directional relationship between stress reduction and happiness; that is, reduced stress can lead to greater happiness, and happiness can help reduce stress.
What truly defines happiness?
People tend to define happiness differently depending on personal experiences, culture, and viewpoints. Some people think of happiness as an overall satisfaction with one's life, while others think of it as a feeling in a specific moment. Some might use synonyms like joy, cheerfulness, glee, delight, and pleasure to describe happiness, while others might think of it in terms of contentment and gladness. In psychology, it might be described as a state of overall well-being. Your definition of happiness will most likely differ from someone else's. Take time to reflect on the things that bring you pleasure and what happiness means for you.
Why do people desire happiness?
There are several factors that might explain why humans crave happiness—here are a few examples:
We have a biological drive
Whether or not people are designed to seek happiness is a debated subject; however, there does seem to be some consensus among researchers that our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The brain's reward system, primarily driven by neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, rewards behaviors that promote survival with feelings of pleasure or happiness.
We have a psychological need
According to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, once a human's basic needs (like food and safety) are met, they will naturally seek happiness and realization of their full potential. Research also shows that happiness and positive thinking contribute to our overall resilience and mental health.
We are influenced by our culture and upbringing
While the definition of happiness can vary across cultures, most frame happiness as a desirable state. Societies often promote the pursuit of happiness as a central life goal, especially in contexts where individual well-being is highly valued, such as in modern Western societies.
We have a philosophical and existential drive toward happiness
Some people view happiness as the ultimate purpose of life. Philosophers from Aristotle to modern thinkers argue that happiness, or "eudaimonia" (flourishing), is the highest good and that achieving happiness is an expression of living a virtuous, meaningful life. Happiness is often seen as the opposite of suffering, which humans are naturally inclined to avoid. The pursuit of happiness is thus also a pursuit of freedom from pain, stress, and dissatisfaction.
What is the true secret of happiness?
The "secret of happiness" is a subjective concept, as happiness means different things to different people. However, there are a few common themes that might suggest common key elements contributing to lasting happiness. These may include:
Contentment and gratitude
A common perception of happiness is the idea that it doesn't come from acquiring more but from appreciating what you already have. Some also feel contentment from living a simpler life free from material things and societal expectations.
Purpose and meaning
True happiness might come from leading a life that feels meaningful and aligned with one's values. This could be through pursuing passions, contributing to society, helping others, or striving for personal growth.
Human connection and relationships
Most cultures believe that close, supportive relationships are among the most vital contributors to happiness. Interpersonal relationships give people a sense of belonging, emotional support, and fulfillment. Happiness may be cultivated by helping others or contributing to another's well-being.
Acceptance and resilience
Some paradigms of thought (such as the theories driving ACT ) site resilience and acceptance as keys to happiness. Happiness is impermanent, and individuals who can adapt to that reality and face the challenges that come with it have greater resiliency. Such people can bounce back from setbacks without losing their optimism and happiness.
Life balance
Some think that the balance between a healthy mind and body is the foundation for happiness. One part of the balance is caring for our physical health with regular exercise, quality sleep, and a nutritious diet. The other involves caring for our mental health by cultivating social connections, managing stress, and doing things we enjoy.
Like balance in the body and mind, long-term happiness might be achieved with a balance between responsibilities (such as work or academic pursuits) and leisure time. Overworking or neglecting relaxation can lead to burnout, but taking the time every day to play and rest restores energy.
Growth and learning
Happiness often comes from progress and growth—not necessarily through achieving material success—but through developing as a person. This might include learning new things, building new skills, and evolving emotionally and intellectually. An attitude of learning and growth might also mean embracing challenges rather than avoiding them.
- Previous Article
- Next Article