How To Be Happy Single: Mental Health & Happiness Outside Of A Romantic Relationship
Interpersonal relationships can have a profound impact on mental health. For example, toxic relationships can cause significant harm, whereas supportive connections can be highly uplifting and motivating. Similarly, a person's romantic relationship status can also affect their emotional well-being. For some people, being single can be difficult at times, potentially impacting mental health. Below, explore statistics about being single in the US today, learn about what it can mean to find happiness, and discover tips for caring for your mental health while single.
Single vs. partnered: Statistics on romantic love, sex, and relationships in the US
The diversity of the single experience
Many elements of popular culture aim to prioritize romantic relationships. From fairy tales to romantic comedies, people are often faced with the messaging that being in a committed, long-term romantic relationship should be a key goal in every person’s life, and that singlehood is an undesirable waiting period until that happens.
However, people can have widely varying reasons for being single and a range of feelings about it. For example, a person might be single because they're divorced or widowed, because they're healing from an abusive relationship, because they’re asexual or aromantic, or because they prefer being single. A person can be single and casually dating, single and seriously dating, or single and not dating—either for a while or indefinitely.
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One person might find the single life to be largely empowering, freeing, and satisfying, while another might feel lonely, upset, or undesirable when single. These feelings can also stem from various sources. Someone who feels upset about being single may be experiencing the effects of societal pressure to be in a relationship, worrying that they’ll never find the type of partner they’re looking for, or concerned that they lack close social connections, whether romantic or otherwise. Regardless of the reason, negative emotions related to being single can be challenging to handle and have the potential to impact mental health.
How not having a romantic partner can affect mental health
The way a person engages in interpersonal relationships and how those relationships make them feel can vary significantly from one individual to the next. In addition, it’s not only possible but typical to experience mixed feelings about a topic as broad and nuanced as interpersonal relationships. For some people, not having a romantic partner can provide them with the space to develop their own personal identity and explore their interests. Being single may help them build self-esteem and confidence, and encourage them to cultivate deeper relationships of other types.
For others, not having a romantic partner can lead to feelings of loneliness and sadness. A person may be sad that they have no one to rely on, or they may believe they’re inadequate for wanting but not yet finding the type of romantic relationship they're looking for. In some cases, concerns about dating and low self-esteem about being single can lead to social anxiety. Those who experience isolation and hopelessness as a result of being single may also be at an increased risk of depression.
How having a romantic partner can affect mental health
You may also take a brief look at how having a partner can affect mental health. Those who are in sync with their partner in a healthy relationship may find that the connection provides them with a sense of stability and a source of emotional support. Being able to feel connected and close to someone else may also enrich their worldview and help them grow as a person. However, some romantic relationships can be harmful, such as in cases of codependence, abuse, misaligned values or goals, or frequent conflict. Comparing the mental health impacts of having and not having a romantic partner may help a person remember that there are both joys and challenges to be found in many life circumstances.
What does it mean to be happy or find happiness?
People and societies have been considering and exploring the question of what it means to be happy for millennia. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines happiness as “an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being.” However, many experts—from psychologists to philosophers to spiritual leaders—have also warned that pursuing constant joy and satisfaction may ultimately be a frustrating and unfulfilling journey. Instead, some recommend aiming for contentment, which can be defined as “unconditional wholeness,” regardless of what is happening externally.”
This inspiration can be beneficial to both single individuals and those in partnerships. It can remind all individuals to strive for a balance between personal growth and fulfilling relationships of all kinds, and to seek the good in life and cultivate gratitude for it. On its own, a single relationship—romantic or otherwise—may not bring complete happiness or contentment. This concept can be a reminder that there are many different sources of fulfillment in one’s present reality.
How to be happy single, outside of a romantic relationship
For those who feel uncomfortable, upset, or distressed because they are not in a romantic relationship, certain strategies may reduce or balance these feelings with more positive emotions. First, acknowledge your feelings and permit yourself to feel them without judgment. A mindfulness practice may be helpful in this process. The following techniques and perspectives may also be helpful.
Finding identity outside of romantic love, sex, and relationships
Some people who are experiencing distress around being single may find it helpful to decenter romantic relationships in their lives. While Western culture often positions romantic partnerships as the central focus of a fulfilling life, this may not be everyone’s truth. You may take the opportunity of being single to explore your individual identity and consider what you want to center your life around.
You might consider engaging in journaling, therapy, or experimenting with different lifestyles or hobbies to step out of your comfort zone and learn more about yourself as an individual. You might also focus on building community and relationships of various kinds—not just with potential romantic partners, if you're dating, but also with friends, neighbors, colleagues, family members, or new connections from other social groups.
Focusing on activities that give you a sense of purpose—from art projects to volunteering—may also be helpful, as research suggests that a sense of purpose may help decrease loneliness and increase life satisfaction. Even if you find yourself in a new relationship in the future, this period of self-reflection, exploration, and enrichment may be worthwhile and fulfilling.
Coping with difficult feelings
While it is possible to find joy, fulfillment, and empowerment as a single person, that doesn't mean that complicated feelings may not still arise. It’s okay to feel how you feel: it’s okay to want a romantic relationship, it’s okay to feel sad about not having one, and it’s okay to experience mixed and complex emotions that change over time.
As you experience different feelings about being single over time, having healthy coping mechanisms in place can be beneficial. Cultivating healthy habits, such as eating nutrient-dense foods, exercising regularly, and getting sufficient sleep, may increase your resilience. Having close friends or family members to talk to when you’re going through a tough time can be valuable, as can journaling or creating art about your experiences. You may also find value in spending time in nature, limiting social media use, and meeting with a therapist.
Receiving mental health support from a therapist
If you're seeking support as you navigate challenging emotions, you may benefit from meeting with a therapist. They may be able to support your mental health in many different ways, such as helping you address past trauma, cultivate good relationship skills, learn more about yourself, and cope with stress or loneliness. If you're experiencing signs of a mental health condition like depression or anxiety, a therapist can also recommend or provide treatment for your symptoms.
Learning how to be happy single in online therapy
If commuting to regular in-person therapy appointments is not feasible for you, whether due to a busy schedule or a lack of providers in your area, you may want to consider online therapy as an alternative. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can be matched with a licensed therapist who best suits your needs and preferences, as outlined in a questionnaire. You can then meet with your therapist remotely from anywhere you have an internet connection. If your therapist isn’t the right fit, you can change therapists at any time without incurring additional costs. Research suggests that online therapy can often be as effective as in-person talk therapy.
Takeaway
How can I find happiness while being single?
Finding happiness while single can look different for different people. However, in many cases, it can help to cultivate other types of relationships and engage in self-exploration. Considering alternative definitions of happiness and adjusting your expectations for the future, even the slightest bit, could also be beneficial in certain situations.
What is the hardest year in a long-term romantic relationship?
Research suggests that most divorces happen at some point within the first seven years of marriage. Since many couples are still in the honeymoon phase for the first year or two, this means that years three through seven may be the most difficult, although this can vary widely depending on the couple and their circumstances.
Can I be happy if I stay single?
It is possible to find happiness while remaining single, and many people do. It typically involves a reevaluation of romantic relationships and a shift in one's expectations and perspective on happiness and fulfillment. If you're seeking support in managing difficult emotions, exploring your life purpose, or shifting your perspective, you may benefit from meeting with a therapist.
How do I accept that I'm single?
Below are a few strategies to help you accept that you’re single:
- Identify the positive aspects of being single and allow yourself to experience gratitude for them
- Focus on self-care and growth
- Allow yourself to wonder about who you are as an individual
- Try new hobbies and consider joining hobby-based groups to meet new people
- Put more time and energy into friendships and family relationships
- Recognize that you deserve to be treated with respect
- Seek professional help if needed
Why does being single hurt so much?
For some people, being single can seem painful because there tends to be quite a bit of societal pressure to find a partner. Some may also experience loneliness and a sense of inadequacy when single, which can contribute to depression. While it can be normal and isn’t wrong or bad to desire having somebody with whom to share your life, constantly thinking about the pain of being single may only lead to more pain.
What happens when you are single for too long?
Many people enjoy the freedom and carefree nature of being single. They may appreciate that they have plenty of time for hobbies, friendships, and their passions. However, on the other side, being single for a long time can be a painful experience for some people. They may become lonely and begin to fear vulnerability and rejection.
Do I need therapy for being single?
You don’t necessarily need therapy for being single, but if you’re interested in therapy or believe you could benefit from it, don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist. Therapy can offer value to anyone who is willing to put in effort and embrace a sense of curiosity about themselves.
How do you deal with being alone as a woman?
It may be helpful to focus on meaningful growth and self-care, as well as put more effort into relationships with family members and friends. It’s possible to experience fulfillment without a romantic relationship. If you’re feeling stuck, consider trying new hobbies or joining local groups and putting yourself out there to meet new people.
Is it OK to be unhappy single?
It’s okay to be unhappy when you’re single, but dwelling in a state of unhappiness usually isn’t healthy. A few tips to shift your mood are to get plenty of sleep, exercise regularly, spend time with loved ones, engage in hobbies, and fuel your body with nutritious food. If you decide to get back into the dating world and use dating apps, exercise caution and don’t tolerate people who don’t treat you well.
How do you cope with a lack of intimacy when single?
If you’re single and lacking intimacy, remember that you can still share emotional intimacy with your loved ones. If you miss physical intimacy, cuddling with a pet or getting a massage may be helpful.
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