Tips For Cultivating A Healthy Attitude Toward Change
It can be difficult to feel happy with major changes in life plans, especially if the changes are unwanted. Big adjustments that don’t match what you expected can leave you with feelings of disappointment, frustration, stress, or panic. Acclimating to a new reality often requires time, but there are also some techniques you can try along the way to put the change into perspective. See below for tips on how to have a more balanced, healthy attitude toward the changes in plans that will inevitably arise in life.
Why do I get upset when plans change?
Fear of change is not uncommon. It can make you feel anxious, out of control, or unprepared for what’s next. You may also be worried that plans will change again, leaving your brain to cycle through all the potential scenarios, unable to rest until the plans are finally over. Additionally, feelings of disappointment could stem from feelings of anticipation for what we thought the plans would be. Feeling out of control in our lives could also be a factor in strong reactions to change.
Becoming upset when plans change could also be the result of another mental health condition, such as generalized anxiety disorder. Generalized anxiety disorder is described as persistent worrying and anxiety over day-to-day activities, resulting in symptoms such as fatigue, muscle tension, or trouble sleeping. A therapist can help someone with generalized anxiety disorder identify troubling thoughts and develop healthy thought patterns to replace them, which could lead to a decrease in both anxiety and any physical symptoms that develop.
Even if the plans don’t feel like they should be a big deal, it often doesn’t make the change any easier to handle. It doesn’t matter if it’s a life-altering event or a switch in dinner plans for the night; your feelings are valid. But being aware of and able to accept the idea of change in any instance may help you manage your reaction when that change comes.
Five tips for handling change in a healthy way
Greek philosopher Heraclitus once said, “The only constant is change”. Although we may make plans and set goals, there’s always the chance that things will end up differently than we’d hoped. That’s why cultivating a healthy attitude toward change can be so important because it can help us prepare for the times when life will inevitably take a turn we didn’t expect. Here are five techniques you can try to shift your perspective on change.
1. Recognize that change is inevitable
Without change, growth would be impossible. While the desire for certain things to remain the same is understandable, change is a fundamental aspect of human life. Accepting this fact rather than fighting it can help you find a sense of peace about the changes happening in your life.
Research supports this idea as well. In a study of managers at a large company whose industry underwent abrupt and significant changes, one researcher found that those who were able to thrive in the face of these changes were those who exhibited a trait called “personality hardiness”. It manifested as viewing changes as part of the human experience rather than targeting hardships specifically. They used the changes as an opportunity to explore new things or solve new problems, and they invested their energy in these areas rather than in figuring out why the changes had to happen or wishing they could return to “the good old days”. Embracing change and its possibilities, then, can be an effective strategy.
2. Grieve the outcome you planned
Grief is defined simply as “the anguish experienced after significant loss”. While it typically applies to the death of a loved one, it can also be experienced after other types of significant losses. For example, it’s normal to feel grief after losing a job you had for years, moving away from somewhere you’ve always lived, ending a friendship, receiving a serious health diagnosis, or experiencing the end of a relationship or divorce.
The grieving process looks different for everyone, and there are many different emotions that may be associated with it. Denial, anger, sadness, and others may all make an appearance, and allowing yourself to feel these feelings in the moment is typically the healthiest way to get through this time.
3. Check for distorted thinking
Being mindful of the way you’re framing or viewing a life change can also be helpful. In the practice of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), one of the most popular therapy methodologies practiced today, recognizing flawed thought patterns that cause distressing feelings is central. While this technique is most effective when learned and practiced with a trained therapist, there are elements of it that you can implement at any time in your everyday life. You might start by checking to see if any of the common cognitive distortions are affecting the way you’re viewing this change. For instance, you might look out for:
- Black and white thinking: If you find yourself thinking things like, “Everything is ruined”, you might step back and notice some small benefits that could result from this change or some things that fortunately stayed the same, rather than labeling the situation with only one of two extremes.
- Labeling: If you find yourself thinking things like, “These things always happen to me because I’m an unlucky person”, you might try and refrain from putting yourself in a box with such a label. Instead, you could recognize that life is complex and that negative labels will only be limiting.
- Overgeneralization: If you find yourself thinking things like, “I’ll never find a new job/partner/etc.”, you might consider how unrealistic it is to expect every future experience to turn out exactly how this one did. Instead, you could treat this as one, individual event in your life and try to look to the future with hope.
4. Lean on loved ones
Just as we support our loved ones when they’re going through hard times, we can benefit from leaning on them when we’re having trouble coping with an unexpected life change. Friends and family can provide a listening ear, distractions, or simply a comforting presence to sit with us as we process difficult news. Research has found that having high-quality social support can enhance resilience to stress and even defend against the development of trauma-related mental health conditions. If you’re experiencing difficulties adjusting to a big change, you might seek out the healing power of the community and world around you.
5. Speak with a therapist
Sometimes, the changes life presents us with can take us by surprise. If you’re having difficulty handling all the things that change in your life, speaking with a qualified therapist is another healthy coping strategy you might try. They can offer you a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can express and process your feelings about the situation, and they can help you adopt a more balanced perspective and positive coping mechanisms to help you move forward and adjust.
Some people find the prospect of meeting with a therapist in person to be intimidating. If you’d feel more comfortable meeting with someone from the comfort of your own home, you might consider online therapy instead of traditional, in-person visits. Research suggests that the two methods can offer comparable benefits in most cases, so you can typically choose the one that feels best for you. If you’re interested in pursuing online support, you can try a virtual therapy platform like BetterHelp. It allows you to get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with every week via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging to address the challenges you may be facing.
Takeaway
What should you do when plans change?
Coping with changes in plans can be stressful, no matter how large or small, but approaching the situation with flexibility and a positive mindset is the first step towards managing it. Here are some steps you can take to put change in perspective and cope with it successfully:
Take a time out to breathe
Change can often be a shock that provokes a physiological reaction called a stress response as the brain prepares us to “fight, flight, or freeze.” While it is intended to be helpful in times of danger, this reaction can be unhelpful when we need to regulate our emotions to cope with the situation at hand. When you’re first confronted with the change, take a moment to breathe deeply, calm yourself to avoid reacting impulsively, and give yourself time to process the new situation.
Recognize your emotions
We may feel a range of emotions when change hits. We may feel afraid, stressed, angry, or even get “butterflies” with excitement. Regardless, acknowledge whatever feelings arise without judgment. Getting to know them can help you process and handle your emotions.
Accept the inevitability of change
When faced with stress, it can be tempting to try and ignore it in the hopes that it will resolve itself. Accept that it’s in your life now and remind yourself that change is inevitable. If necessary, repeat an affirmation like “I know if change didn’t happen now, it would happen later anyway” or “I have dealt with change in the past; I can do it again.”
Learn to challenge and reframe negative thoughts
Like staying mindful of your emotions, staying mindful of your thoughts can give you a better perspective on your relationship to the idea of change. You might think unhelpful (and likely unrealistic) thoughts about it. For example, if you’re moving across the country, you might think, “I’ll never make new friends,” or “Packing and moving is going to be so stressful.”
Question these thoughts—they’re probably not entirely based in reality. Learn to reframe them in a more positive, realistic way. You will make new friends with time. Packing and moving might be somewhat stressful, but it may go much smoother than anticipated. Consider writing down your thoughts about the situation when you reframe them. Reflect on how your feelings change as you change your mindset.
Assess the situation as thoroughly as possible
Get all the necessary details about the change and consider how it affects you and others involved. Is it a minor adjustment, or does it require significant reorganization? What’s different? Why did it happen? Questions like these can help you recognize what is and is not within your control and adjust your expectations to meet the situation.
Focus on the things you can control
Focus on the aspects of the situation you can influence or control and let go of what you can’t. That way, you can direct your energy towards finding solutions or making the best of the new circumstances.
Find the positive and practice gratitude
Look for any potential benefits or opportunities that the change might bring. Sometimes, changes can lead to unexpected positive outcomes. Try to find something in the situation for which you can be grateful. You can also use this as a learning opportunity to reflect on how the change has affected you and your growth. This shift in focus can reduce your stress levels and improve your mood.
Take good care of yourself
Finding healthy ways to reduce stress levels can be a crucial part of coping with change successfully. Whether you love walking in nature, creating art, or exercising, be sure to do the things that nourish and bring you joy. Get plenty of quality sleep, move your body regularly, and eat well. Engaging in stress management activities like yoga or meditation can help, too. Talk to a friend, family member, or counselor if you're struggling with the change. Sometimes, sharing your feelings can help you gain perspective and feel supported.
Reflect and move forward
Once “the dust has settled,” take some time to reflect on how you handled the change. What went well? What could you do differently next time? Then, focus on moving forward. Dwelling on what could have been may keep you stuck while embracing the new reality allows you to continue progressing.
What does “change of plans” mean?
Merriam-Webster defines “change of plan” as “a change to plans that were made.” It means that preconceived ideas or plans for the future may not go as planned, so you must adjust.
How do you say change of plans formally?
To communicate a "change of plans" in a formal, professional, and respectful manner, you might use one of the following phrases:
- “There has been a revision to our plans."
- “We need to adjust our schedule."
- “Please note the following update to our plans."
- “Our plans have been modified."
- “There has been a modification to the schedule."
- “We are implementing a change in the agenda."
- “An alteration to the plans has occurred."
Why do I get irritated when plans change?
Feeling irritated when plans change is a common reaction for several reasons. For example, if you strongly prefer structure and predictability, sudden changes can disrupt your sense of control and create irritability. Plans often provide a sense of security, which can create discomfort when they change.
When you make plans, you might have specific expectations or a mental image of how things “should” unfold. Changes can be disappointing if they disrupt what you were looking forward to. Disruption in routine can cause irritation if you rely on it to provide a sense of stability.
If you’ve invested time and effort into preparing for something, changes can feel like a waste of that investment, leading to frustration and irritability. Additionally, people who are more detail-oriented, organized, or prone to anxiety might be more sensitive to changes in plans. Be aware of how your personality traits affect your ability to change.
Why do I have meltdowns when plans change?
One person’s definition of a “meltdown” might differ from another’s, but it may be loosely defined as an intense response to overwhelming stimuli. This can be a situation, an emotion, an interpersonal exchange, or a thought. Some people might lash out during a meltdown or cry uncontrollably. Others may run away or panic.
There are many potential reasons why you have meltdowns when faced with change. You might require predictability and control or have a hard time staying flexible. Sudden change can lead to sensory overload, especially when stressed. You might feel the need to take too much responsibility for managing the change, which can be particularly overwhelming if you don’t set boundaries and protect your time.
If you have a solid attachment to how you think things “should” go, a deviation from the plan might be severely distressing. You might have meltdowns when plans change or during other times of significant stress if you’re tired or hungry. A good night’s rest or a nutritious meal may help stave off or reduce the meltdown before it begins.
If you struggle with emotional regulation, plan changes may bring a strong emotional response, leading to a meltdown. Finally, if you have anxiety, autism, or ADHD, you may be more prone to meltdowns when plans change because of heightened sensitivity to unpredictability or difficulty in processing changes quickly.
Why do people with ADHD get upset when plans change?
Some people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may be susceptible to upset over changes in plans. Change may create severe emotional distress, overwhelm, and exhaustion for such individuals. Here are a few potential reasons why:
- A need for structure and predictability: People with ADHD often thrive on consistency and prefer a routine. Change can upset that sense of predictability, leading to intense feelings of stress, anxiety, and frustration.
- Struggles with flexibility: Individuals with ADHD might struggle to transition between even small daily tasks. A sudden change in plans can feel even more overwhelming because it requires them to shift gears quickly and, in some cases, dramatically.
- Hyperfocus and disruptions in mental flow: People with ADHD sometimes experience hyperfocus, where they become intensely focused on a particular task or idea. If they’ve been focused on a plan, a change can be jarring, disrupting their mental flow and expectations.
- Emotional regulation challenges: ADHD can be associated with challenges in regulating emotions. This can make it harder for individuals to manage feelings of disappointment, frustration, or anxiety when plans change unexpectedly.
- A tendency towards anxiety and overwhelm: Anxiety disorders are a common comorbidity with ADHD. Changes in plans can exacerbate anxiety, leading to a sense of overwhelm and feelings of panic.
- Effort to prepare: Preparing for activities or plans can take significant mental and emotional energy for someone with ADHD. Preparing for change may include organization, problem-solving, and decision-making under stressful circumstances, which can be particularly challenging for people with ADHD.
Why do I get upset over little things?
Getting upset over little things is a shared experience and can happen for various reasons. For example, you might be going through times of food insecurity or financial instability. You might be having relationship struggles, sleep issues, or a medical condition that’s causing psychological symptoms. People often get upset over little things due to more prominent underlying emotional or psychological factors. These might include:
- Accumulated stress
- Perfectionism
- Unmet needs or frustration
- Need for control
- Underlying mental health conditions like anxiety or depression
- Negative past experiences
How do I stop being anxious when my plans change?
Although feeling anxious during times of change is normal, it can become so overwhelming that it’s challenging to cope and, in some cases, might interfere with your functioning in other areas of daily life. Managing these situations might be difficult, but there are strategies that might help you become more adaptable and reduce the stress that comes with unexpected changes. Here are some tips:
Do mindfulness or grounding exercises to regulate your emotional responses.
This may include meditation, yoga, breathing techniques, or taking a walk—whatever helps you slow down long enough to acknowledge and accept your feelings. Focus on the present moment rather than worrying about the future. Mindfulness can help you take the situation as it is rather than getting caught up in what could have been.
Challenge negative thoughts and reframe your thinking.
For example, you might think, “This will ruin everything,” but think about it for a minute. Will it actually ruin everything? Try to challenge these thoughts by reminding yourself that the change might lead to something positive or that the consequences aren’t as dire as they seem. Look for any silver linings or new opportunities that the change might bring. Shifting your focus to potential benefits can reduce anxiety.
Cultivate a growth mindset.
See changes as a chance to develop resilience and problem-solving skills. Change can be a lifelong learning opportunity as we acquire self-knowledge and the wisdom to recognize that change is a natural part of life. Accepting that things don’t always go as planned can reduce resistance and anxiety.
Acknowledge your feelings and practice self-compassion.
Remember that it’s okay to feel anxious or disappointed when plans change. Acknowledge these emotions without judgment and permit yourself to feel them before moving forward. Be kind to yourself when you feel anxious; negative self-talk will likely only worsen things.
Lean on others for support.
Reach out to friends and loved ones during times of change. Talking about your feelings can make them easier to manage. If your anxiety around changes is overwhelming, consider talking to a therapist. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in addressing anxiety and helping you develop healthier thinking patterns.
What is it called when plans change?
There are many synonyms for a change in plans. For example, you might call it a change in direction, an alteration, modification, variation, or rearrangement.
Why do people change plans?
There are a wide variety of reasons why people change plans. For example, making plans can feel overwhelming when we’re faced with multiple decisions or having to think fast. People might change plans because they have perfectionist tendencies and fear things won’t turn out perfectly. Sometimes, people change plans because they must rearrange their priorities or set boundaries.
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