How To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You Back

Loving someone who does not reciprocate your feelings may feel painful and confusing. However, you're not alone, and unrequited love is a shared experience for many individuals. If you're ready to move forward and heal from these feelings, you can try to cope and find relief in several ways. Give yourself time, be patient, and consider the following tips.

How to stop loving someone when they do not feel the same

Below are several suggestions for coping with and moving on from unrequited romantic love.  

Acknowledge your feelings

Before acting, acknowledge and accept how you feel about this individual. Ignoring or suppressing your feelings could be tempting, but studies show it can cause health challenges. Instead, allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, even if it's uncomfortable. As you feel, focus on labeling and understanding your emotions. When you label your emotions, you might feel more in control of them, knowing they are a part of you that you can connect to and fully comprehend. 

Practice radical acceptance 

Radical acceptance is a dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skill that focuses on accepting what you cannot change. Although it might feel like this individual's feelings might change in the future, try to focus on the present and the messages they are giving you now. Then, complete the radical acceptance steps as follows: 

1. Observe how you might be questioning or fighting your reality.
2. Remind yourself that your reality cannot be changed in this situation.
3. Try to note any causes for the reality. Acknowledge how many people do not have control over who they fall in love with, but you can control how you proceed.
4. Practice acceptance with your mind, body, and spirit. Use positive self-talk to tell yourself you are willing to accept this situation, even if it is difficult.
5. List all the behaviors you'd partake in if you already accepted this situation. Then act this way until you find it aligns with your reality.
6. Cope ahead by thinking of ways to accept the situation if it worsens.
7. Attend to your body sensations using mindfulness or meditation to connect with yourself.
8. Allow disappointment, sadness, grief, or anger to arise if they do. Note them and do not act on them. Give them the space to exist.
9. Acknowledge that life can be worth living, even when there is pain.
10. Create a pros and cons list if you are resisting acceptance. 

Focus on self-care

Self-care may be a crucial aspect of healing after heartbreak. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being may distract you from thoughts about the person you love. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, spending time with friends and family, reading, or taking up a new hobby. 

In addition, get enough sleep (seven to nine hours per night if you're an adult) and eat well to keep your body and mind healthy. As you care for your body, you might notice yourself gaining self-compassion and resiliency, which could support you in moving on from another person. 

Let go of any fantasies

When you love someone who does not love you back, you might imagine what the relationship could have been. You might dream of future events or think about the person throughout your day. When fantasizing, bring yourself back to the present through a coping mechanism like mindfulness or radical acceptance. Accepting that your reality is not changing may make you feel more prepared to move forward. 

Distance yourself

It could be difficult to stop loving someone when constantly reminded of them. To support your healing process, consider distancing yourself from this individual. You might choose to unfollow them on social media, avoid places you used to go with them or limit contact with them as much as possible. Distancing yourself from the person could also help you focus on yourself and begin healing.

Find a new focus

Finding a new focus could help you move on from unrequited love. You might decide to pursue a new hobby, start a new project, or volunteer for a cause you care about

Having a meaningful distraction to focus on might help you redirect your energy and emotions away from the person you love. In addition, if you enjoy the activity, you might gain a sense of purpose and fulfillment to feel more positive about your time alone. You might also meet new people you'd be interested in romantically. 

Practice gratitude

Practicing gratitude might be another effective way to stop loving someone who does not love you. Focusing on the areas of your life you are grateful for could help you shift your perspective and feel better about your situation. Practicing gratitude might look like keeping a gratitude journal, complimenting those you love, reminding yourself of your successes, or being grateful for being human and having the capacity to love. 

Give yourself time to learn how to stop loving someone

It could be essential to give yourself time to heal. Everyone's journey can differ, so be patient and kind to yourself as you pass this process. If you need time to grieve the individual, let yourself cry, process, and heal. Over time, you may notice that allowing yourself to feel and being patient allowed you to move on.

Seek support

If you feel lonely or isolated in your experience of unrequited love, you might benefit from speaking to a professional. Therapists are trained to offer compassionate support, empathy, and guidance in many situations. In addition, if you don't feel comfortable meeting a therapist in person, many online platforms, like BetterHelp, offer hundreds of modalities and specialties you can try through a smart device. 

The breakup of a romantic relationship could pose a significant psychological and psychiatric challenge for individuals. If you're experiencing these symptoms, online therapy could be effective. A recent review of 17 studies found that online therapy was more effective than in-person counseling in treating depression. Depression is often connected to grief and mourning, so online therapy might offer relief if you think you may be living with this mental illness.  

If you're noticing racing thoughts at night or don't know where to turn, you may be able to send a message to your therapist and receive a quick response. Online platforms also offer the option of having extra appointments for an extra cost, which might be beneficial if you need more than one session a week while you cope with these feelings.