Learn To Let Go: How To Not Care Anymore
While many of us may have a vision of the life we want to lead, the opinions of others can sometimes make us doubt ourselves or even change our course. Research suggests this is common to some degree, and it may have had a role in our evolution. According to Harvard social scientist Arthur Brooks, “We are wired to care about what others think of us.” However, thinking excessively about what others think about us can sometimes lead us to make decisions that aren’t aligned with what we want in life.
To counter this tendency, some people have cultivated the art of remaining true to themselves despite external pressures. Below, we’ll discuss how to not care anymore and how to live according to your own goals and interests.
How to not care anymore about what other people think
Whether we realize it or not, it can be easy to fulfill certain expectations placed on us by others, whether implicitly or explicitly. This may entail expectations like going to college, choosing a certain career, or buying a car.
These are just a few of the things that we may have been told we are supposed to accomplish to be worthy or successful. While this advice may lead to fulfillment for some people, many others have built meaningful lives outside of such expectations. “Success” and happiness can look different for each person.
How to not care anymore
Below are some steps to take to not care excessively about others’ opinions and to make the best decisions for yourself:
Figure out who you are with acceptance
Many people who feel a void in their lives don't know what to do about it. This may be because they are living their lives as dictated by others and have no idea where to make changes because they don’t know themselves well. To live the life you want, you may have to do some self-discovery to know who you are first. You might take some time to discover yourself and learn more about your desires and values. Once you know who you are, it may be easier to pursue what you want.
Find your people
Next, it may help to seek out others who understand you. No matter how different your life plan is from societal norms, there are more than likely others out there like you. You might surround yourself with like-minded people who appreciate what you are trying to do in life. Connecting with others who have common values may be validating and give you the strength to pursue your dreams.
Learn to say “no”
It can be difficult to do the things that are important to you if you are bogged down by obligations that you feel compelled to agree to. If you care too much about what others think, then saying no can be difficult. However, this may be necessary to move forward with your goals. One recommendation based on research published in the Journal of Consumer Research is that using the words “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” when saying no can not only empower you but also diminish resistance to what may otherwise sound like an excuse. Some examples might be “I don’t have money in my budget for that,” or “I don’t drink during the week.” Saying “I don’t” puts you on offense instead of defense.
Set goals that you can’t be swayed from
When you don't have clear goals, it can be easy to give up on creating the lifestyle that other people want for you. Instead of living a life for others, you might set goals for yourself that will guide you to the life that you have always dreamed of. When you are excited about your goals and your future, it may be easier to not care what other people think.
Practice mindfulness meditation to stay in the present
A lot of our negative thoughts tend to come from thinking about the past or worrying about the future, and this can take up precious time we could use to do the things we want to do in the present. To this end, it may help to practice mindfulness, which typically involves focusing on your present thoughts and feelings without judgment. Not only can mindfulness help with mental health concerns, such as depression and anxiety, but it may also help you become more productive to achieve your goals.
Getting help through therapy
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As you think about implementing some of these tips, it may help to reach out to a licensed counselor who can help you care less about what others think and establish goals aligned with your personal goals and values.
Additionally, one of the hurdles to learning not to care what others think may be low self-esteem, which can sometimes result from not feeling like you meet other’s standards. One possible method for improving self-worth is through the use of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). With CBT, a licensed therapist may be able to help you identify the causes behind low self-esteem and reframe any negative thoughts you’re experiencing. As part of your therapy, a counselor may also help you improve assertiveness and other social skills that lead to a life more focused on your goals instead of others’ expectations.
Online therapy
Online therapy has grown considerably in recent years, and numerous studies have demonstrated it to be effective for a variety of mental health challenges. One study published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research found that “users of BetterHelp experienced significantly reduced depression symptom severity after engaging with the platform.”
Online therapy also tends to be more affordable than in-office therapy, as sessions are conducted remotely from your computer, phone, or tablet. With BetterHelp, you can also contact your therapist at any time via in-app messaging, and they’ll respond as soon as they can.
Getty/Luis Alvarez
Takeaway
If you sometimes find yourself caring too much about what others think, know that you’re not alone. This is a common concern that many people experience at times. As you think about your goals and what you want out of life, it may help to speak with a licensed therapist, whether in person or online. Whether you are experiencing low self-esteem or difficulty caring too much about what others think, you can be matched with an online therapist who has experience helping people create goals aligned with their own interests and values. Take the first step toward living the life you want to live and reach out to BetterHelp today.
How do I train myself to let go and care less?
While caring can be a great thing, so many of us care too much—about other people’s opinions, about a romantic relationship that’s ended, about problems in our own lives. Sometimes it can be a healthy thing to stop caring so much, allowing us to live more in the present moment and to not spend time worrying about things we can’t change.
Practice the following strategies for caring less and how to let go:
To learn to care less, you can implement these practices. Remember that it won’t come all at once, caring is a habit, and it takes time to change patterns of thought and behavior.
- Recognize that there are negative people in the world and that their opinions don’t matter
- Set and maintain boundaries
- Identify what is important to you, rather than what is important to others around you
- Let go of perfectionism
How do you achieve detachment from someone you no longer care for?
It can be difficult to learn to let go of someone you care about. However, by holding on you can invite negative feelings and have problems focusing on your own life and wellbeing.
Steps on how to practice detachment
- Surround yourself with support from friends and other loved ones
- Try to look at your past relationship with a sense of perspective
- Take time to focus on yourself, allowing yourself little self-care treats
- Allow yourself a grieving period, but then make a conscious effort to move forward
How do you show him you don't care anymore?
It’s human nature to want to make a big show of “not caring”, but all the effort you’d put into that kind of a show is actually caring. The best way to demonstrate that you don’t care is to simply live life without them.
Why do I always care so much?
Human beings are hardwired to care about the opinions of others. Group dynamics are what helped us to survive as a species, and up until recently rejection from a group was almost always extremely dangerous. However, some of us because of personality traits, trauma, or social environment may care more than typical about social approval.
Why do I care less as I age?
It's common as we age to focus more on our own lives, our own opinions, and building healthy relationships, and less on what others think about us. It may be partially the maturing of the brain, but a great deal of it can be due to our tendency to have settled into our lives and found our people. There also isn’t as much social pressure to be popular, unfortunately, as older people tend to be ignored in American culture.
Why do I feel lazy when it comes to self-care?
Self-care can be a difficult practice for many people. Due to a number of factors, including genetics, environment, or trauma, we may have negative emotions that interfere with our ability to take care of our own needs. Or we may expend all of our energy on taking care of others and leaving our own personal life and needs on the backburner.
Building a self-care routine
The good news is that we can change our behaviors to facilitate a healthy relationship with ourselves. The most effective way to make these changes can be with the help of therapy like CBT, but some may be able to work on building a self-care practice on their own. Some healthy behaviors to do this include:
- Get moderate exercise most days of the week
- Get outside in nature
- Eat healthy and balanced most of the time
- Cultivate a mindfulness practice like meditation or journaling
How do I let go of the past?
It can be difficult to realize right after a negative event like a nasty breakup, but over ten years you may forget why you were even sad about it. In the case of a more traumatic issue like abuse, getting help from a licensed therapist is the most effective way to learn how to let go and move forward.
Strategies on how to not care anymore
With other negative events, you can implement some strategies to start the process, including:
- Putting events into perspective
- Recruiting support from close friends or family members
- Taking up a new hobby to distract yourself from brooding
- Practicing self-care
How do you shut off your mind for mindfulness meditation?
Why do I care so much about gaining acceptance?
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