Gentle Tips On How To Grieve The Loss Of A Pet

If you share a special bond with an animal companion, you're not alone— the American Pet Products Association's (APPA) 2021-2022 survey found that 70% of households in the U.S. own some type of pet.

Whether we adopt them when they're very young or in their later years, our animal companions often become integral parts of our lives and families. We build treasured memories, face life's challenges, and celebrate good times together. Our pets offer unconditional love, companionship, and solace, and many of us can't imagine not having them in our lives. 

That's why when a beloved dog, cat, or other animal friend passes, the pain can be overwhelming, and the grieving process may be challenging to navigate. In this post, we'll point out some common characteristics of grief and discuss some tips for healthy ways you might choose to grieve them so you can cope thoroughly and honor them authentically. 

Losing a pet can be devastating

Get support from a grief specialist to heal

What does grief look like?

Whether you're grieving a pet or a human, it's seldom a straightforward, linear process, and grief is full of emotions that might, at times, surprise you. However, it's often impossible to compare the type of grief we feel upon a pet's death with that of when a person in our life passes. 

Each person grieves a pet in their own way and on their own schedule. While this might make it unrealistic to define a set framework for grieving that fits everyone, there are some typical stages that experts recognize that may guide how we understand the grieving process. 

One of the most popular models of grief and grieving is the Kubler-Ross model of bereavement proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying." The model suggests that individuals go through five stages when dealing with grief and loss. These stages are:

• Denial— The initial stage where people may feel "numb" and have difficulty accepting the reality of their loss.
• Anger— After denial, some people experience anger directed towards themselves, the situation, other people, or at nothing in particular. 
• Bargaining— During this stage, some individuals try to bargain with themselves or a higher power because it's often hard to accept their lack of control over what's happened. This may come in the form of behaviors we think might make us feel better or regrets and questioning if we could have done something to prevent the outcome.
• Depression— A sense of overwhelming sadness and despair may descend upon us as we recognize the total weight of the loss. 
• Acceptance— This final stage involves coming to terms with the reality of the loss and finding ways to move forward. 

Some experts debate the validity of the Kubler-Ross model, arguing that it lacks scientific corroboration and oversimplifies a tremendously complex process. There are also several alternative theoretical models developed by grief experts that attempt to describe the grieving process. However, the Kubler-Ross model may provide some insight into how you are feeling and processing your grief. 

Pet loss coping tips 

Again, how one grieves the loss of a pet is highly personal. What works for you might not help another, and vice versa. That said, there are some tips you might consider to help you grieve healthily and move forward in peace:

Acknowledge your feelings as valid

When grieving the loss of a pet, acknowledge and accept your feelings. Many people experience various emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, and, for some, even relief. Understand that everyone processes grief differently, so allow yourself the space to feel and express your emotions without judgment. 

Give yourself plenty of time for healing

There is no specific timeline for healing, so give yourself the time and space to process your emotions at your own pace. Understand that the pain may ebb and flow, and healing is a gradual process.

Create a memorial

Establishing a memorial for your pet can be highly therapeutic when you feel sad. Consider creating a scrapbook with photos and keepsakes or recording anecdotes about the good times you had together. Some people choose to plant a tree in their honor or donate to an organization that cares for animals in their name. These activities can help you focus on the positive aspects of your time together and foster a sense of gratitude for the bond you shared. 

Reach out for support 

Whether you seek comfort through friends, family members, or support groups for people grieving a pet, it's important to have compassionate, empathetic people to lean on during this time. Not everyone recognizes the significance of the bond that humans and animals can share, so find solace in individuals who understand your feelings. If your emotions are overwhelming, or you think you might need support from a professional, there are pet loss support groups facilitated by counselors who specialize in managing grief. 

Take care of yourself 

Grieving can take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being, so it's vital to prioritize self-care during this time. Here are some ways you can care for yourself and facilitate the healing process:

• Nurture emotional healing by recording your feelings in a journal or doing something creative to express yourself. Some people find it healing to create art or poetry dedicated to their pet. 
• Although you may not have much of an appetite right now, try to eat healthy meals that nourish your body. 
• Trouble sleeping is also a common symptom of grief, but getting enough quality sleep is essential to our health. You may try cultivating better sleep by practicing good sleep hygiene.
• Engage in regular physical activity. Whether you prefer more high-intensity workouts or mindfulness movement activities like yoga or tai chi, physical activity can be highly beneficial for coping with difficult emotions and caring for our bodies during the grieving process. 
• Engage in activities that bring you joy, like spending time in nature, socializing with friends, or practicing a hobby.
• Provide yourself with a soothing sensory experience by taking a warm bath, lighting aromatherapy candles, listening to relaxing music, or wrapping up in a cozy blanket with a cup of herbal tea and a good book.
• Try mindful breathing or meditation. Mindfulness exercises can help you stay grounded and present with your emotions. It may seem counterintuitive, but the more you open up to your feelings, the easier it will become to process them and move forward healthily. Studies also indicate that physically centered mindfulness techniques like progressive relaxation are highly effective in grief intervention. 
  

Part of caring for yourself during this time includes caring for others who may be grieving with you, including other pets coping in the home. Take time to connect with those who share your grief. Although getting a new pet for the household might be tempting, resist the urge and focus on grieving instead. Not only will a new pet potentially create complications in processing your family's grief, but it could also be difficult for surviving pets.

If you need additional support

Sometimes, grief can be difficult to overcome without additional support. In these cases, you might consider seeking help from a professional. Some pet owners find it helpful to talk to a mental health professional to understand better and cope with their grief. Indeed, research shows that methods like mindfulness-based cognitive therapy can significantly impact an individual's ability to grieve. 

Losing a pet can be devastating

Get support from a grief specialist to heal

However, for a myriad of reasons, therapy may not be accessible to everyone. Some may feel reluctant due to the stigma associated with mental health or face obstacles related to accessibility, scheduling, or affordability issues. 

Online platforms like BetterHelp provide a solution to these barriers to treatment by matching individuals with licensed counselors experienced in helping people through the grieving process. Online therapy is discrete and accessible— you can speak to your therapist from the comfort of home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection via video and online chat. Scheduling is flexible, and you can message your counselor in between sessions if needed, and they will answer when they can.

BetterHelp therapy is often more affordable than traditional therapy without insurance, and a growing body of research indicates it's just as effective for treating a wide range of mental health issues, including the pain many experience during the grieving process.