How To Cope With Miscarriage: Strategies To Navigate Grief And Healing

Pregnancy loss can be a heartbreaking and traumatic experience resulting in a roller coaster of emotions. While it may be more widespread than many people know, affecting up to 30% of pregnancies, it’s often a painful experience that can cause physical and mental health symptoms. As you navigate grief after miscarriage, it may be helpful to give yourself time, be mindful of triggers, practice self-care, memorialize your loss, and avoid blaming yourself. You may also benefit from speaking with a licensed therapist online or in your local area.  

The physical and emotional impact of miscarriages

Not everyone reacts to miscarriage the same way. People can experience a range of emotions, including the following: 

• Grief 
• Fatigue
• Guilt
• Sadness
• Numbness
• Emotional stress
• Depression
• Jealousy
• Anger
• Hopelessness
• Shock
• Loneliness  
• Anxiety about future pregnancies

For many women, losing a pregnancy can result in hormone shifts, which can lead to mood swings and greater emotional intensity. It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re riding an emotional roller coaster. Even if the pregnancy ends very early, the bond between the mother and baby can still be incredibly strong. 

While the emotional healing process usually takes time, typically much longer than the physical healing process, there are still several possible physical symptoms that may arise following a miscarriage, which may make grieving even more difficult. The hormones responsible for pregnancy may also remain after a miscarriage, which means some people may continue to experience nausea, vaginal bleeding, swollen breasts, or other physical symptoms. 

The emotions can be so overwhelming after pregnancy loss that one may have trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, or frequent crying episodes. They may also experience fatigue and loss of appetite.   

It can be important to note that a miscarriage can impact other people in addition to the person carrying the baby, including the partner, adoptive parents, grandparents, siblings, and more. 

The miscarriage grieving process 

When it comes to miscarriages, it’s not uncommon for family members and friends to tell people they shouldn’t feel a sense of loss after a miscarriage. This attitude may be more common if the loss occurs early in the pregnancy. However, earlier loss isn’t necessarily easier to cope with than loss that occurs later in the pregnancy.  

Research shows that people tend to experience the grief of miscarriage similar to other types of bereavement grief. Therefore, the Five Stages of Grief framework (the Kubler-Ross model) may also be a useful tool to explain how someone might process grief after a miscarriage. 

• Denial – In this stage, a person might struggle to accept the reality of the miscarriage. They may act as if everything is normal or refuse to acknowledge what happened. This denial can be a defense mechanism to buffer the immediate shock, allowing them to process the loss in their own time. 
• Anger – As the denial wears off, the reality and pain of the loss may set in, and they may feel angry. This anger could be directed toward themselves, their partner, medical staff, or fate. It can be a way of channeling the pain of the loss into something or someone else.  
• Bargaining – During this stage, a person might be consumed with thoughts about what could have been done differently to prevent the miscarriage. They might obsess over “If only…” statements and dwell on what they or others could have done to change the outcome. 
• Depression – This phase usually involves the realization of the full extent of the loss. The person might withdraw from life, feel numb, live in a fog, and not want to get out of bed. This may be the stage most people associate with grief and loss. 
• Acceptance – In this final stage, the person generally comes to terms with the reality of the loss. Acceptance doesn’t always mean they are okay with what happened, but rather that they acknowledge it and are learning to live with it. It’s often a period of adjustment and coming to terms with the new reality. 

These stages aren’t always linear and may not happen in this order. People may move through them differently and revisit some stages multiple times. The Kubler-Ross model can serve as a guide to the emotions typically experienced during grief, but it’s not a rigid or exact framework that everyone fits into perfectly. 

7 tips for coping following a miscarriage

Coping with miscarriage grief can be a challenging and painful process. While not everyone who experiences a miscarriage goes through the same feelings, acknowledging and processing your grief can help you manage your emotions in a healthy way and move you closer to healing. Here are some tips to get you started.  

1. Be transparent about your feelings 

Many people believe they need to grieve quietly following pregnancy loss, especially if they haven’t told anyone they were expecting. However, bottling up emotions can make it even more difficult to process. If you aren’t comfortable talking to your friends or family, consider joining a support group. Sharing with other people who have experienced a miscarriage can help you feel less alone. 

2. Give yourself time 

While many women may want to try for a new pregnancy right away, other women may want to wait. It’s completely acceptable if you aren’t ready. Even if you or your partner are capable of conceiving right away, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re emotionally ready. Try to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to process the situation. 

3. Be mindful of triggers 

Navigating miscarriages can be difficult. You may not want to hear about your friend’s healthy pregnancy or babysit your cousin’s baby. Until you’re ready, try to avoid seeing people or attending events (like baby showers or family reunions) that may make you uncomfortable. You don’t have to avoid these situations forever, but giving yourself space and time to grieve may be helpful. 

4. Prioritize self-care

It can be common to neglect your needs after experiencing a traumatic loss. However, when you’re not eating or getting adequate sleep, it can make recovery more difficult. If eating is difficult, try having simple meals or small snacks. Make time to rest as often as possible, and try to do activities like journaling, walking, or spending time outside. Try to listen to your body’s needs and take care of yourself as you process your loss.  

5. Memorialize your loss 

Some people who have gone through miscarriages find it helpful to commemorate their loss, as it can offer a sense of comfort and closure. Some ideas for commemorating your baby and the loss can include the following: 

• Choosing a name 
• Donating to charity 
• Planting a tree in their honor 
• Buying a piece of jewelry 
• Having a memorial or burial 

While not everyone who experiences pregnancy loss will want to memorialize their loss, many people find it helpful for their healing. 

6. Don’t blame yourself 

Many people feel shameful or guilty following a miscarriage. Instead of finding ways to blame yourself, try to show yourself compassion. Many miscarriages are completely out of your control. Most are caused by genetic dysfunction or underlying health issues, which aren’t things you can impact or change. Try not to blame yourself, and instead, pour your attention into taking care of your emotions. 

7. Speak with a professional 

If you don’t have a support system, are feeling overwhelmed with your feelings, or need a little extra support, it may be helpful to speak to a therapist. A therapist typically specializes in helping people process complex emotions and can offer personalized strategies for your unique situation. They can provide a safe space to express your feelings, work through grief, and start the healing process. 

Benefits of online therapy

If you’re too exhausted after your miscarriage to go to an in-person appointment, consider online therapy. With online therapy, you can meet with a professional from the comfort of your home or wherever you have access to the internet. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

According to a 2022 study, online therapy could be an effective way to reduce anxiety in women with a history of miscarriage. This study joins a growing body of research supporting the idea that online therapy can be a valid treatment for a variety of mental health concerns, including depression and grief.