How To Find A Good Man To Be Your Partner

Finding a great partner can be a challenge, and the definition of a “good man”  can vary widely from one person to the next. Different people may be looking for very different things, so how might you go about finding what you’re after? 

In this article, we’ll offer a few tips for how to find the right man for you—beginning with reflecting on what it is you’re looking for. 

Three tips for finding a good partner

If you are searching for a loving relationship with a good man, you can consider some of the tips below to help you in your search. We do want to note: These tips may be useful for anyone seeking a relationship with a man—regardless of their gender identity—and can also apply to looking for a partner in general. 

1. Reflect on what you’re looking for

First, it can be helpful to have some idea of the qualities you want in a partner before you go out looking for one. This doesn’t have to be a firm “checklist”—which some people may like, and others may not—but rather, it can be a broader reflection on the types of things that are important to you in a potential partner. 

Generally speaking, no one is perfect—and a great partner for you may not have all the qualities you initially come up with. However, identifying the things that are important to you can be a useful exercise to help you gain a better sense of what you’re looking for, what qualities and values are most important to you in a partner and what things you aren’t willing to compromise on. 

If someone doesn’t line up with something that you can’t compromise on, it may not be wise to invest yourself in a relationship that’s dependent on someone becoming someone else. That said, sometimes, we might not know what exactly we want—so having some flexibility or willingness to experience what other people can bring to a relationship (even if it doesn’t line up with our initial vision) can also be helpful.

Here are some things to think about as you make your list: 

• Does religion or spirituality matter to you and do your partner’s beliefs need to line up with yours?
• Do you want children?
• Are certain personality traits “deal-breakers” for you?

2. Go places that align with those qualities

After you have a set of qualities that are important to you, you might consider taking another look at that list—as some of the qualities may actually help lead you to places where you may be more likely to encounter the partner you are looking for.

For example: If you are looking for someone of a certain religion, as having the same religion is important to you, you might consider checking out religious events. Or, if certain causes are especially important to you, and you want someone with same values, you might consider volunteering for those causes to meet like-minded people.  

Even if you don’t meet a potential partner at these events, you may meet new friends—which can be very positive on its own—and they might also allow you to meet other like-minded people through their own network(s).

3. Consider key factors when meeting someone

Once you've met someone and are considering whether they are a good match, you can try to dig deeper to see if you and this person are compatible. The key compatibility factors can vary widely from one person to the next, but below are a few things you may consider in your evaluation when getting to know someone: 

Emotional maturity

This means that you may consider how he treats other people, and how he responds to potentially challenging situations. For example: If he becomes angry and upset because you have to wait for a table at the restaurant, or if he is rude to the waiter because he doesn't get exactly what he wants, you may consider these to be signs of emotional immaturity that you may not want in a relationship. You can also ask yourself: If there are conflicts or disagreements, does he remain calm, express his feelings and allow space for you to express yours? Do you feel safe in his reactions to hardship? 

Values

As you get to someone more deeply, you may want to try to get a sense of how in alignment you are with key values that matter to you. For instance, if your career is very important to you, and you are looking for the same in a partner, you may want to discuss career goals and plans, and assess whether you are on the same page and supportive of each other’s dreams. Other examples of possible alignment in the category of values could be the importance of family, community, religion and more. Many choose to assess this form of compatibility with conversation, possibly over a meal or drinks. 

Relationship goals

It can also be important to determine if you two are on the same page regarding relationship goals. For example: If you are looking for a serious monogamous relationship, is that something he’s looking for as well? Or does he want a more casual situation (or an open relationship?). Openly discussing what you both expect can help you determine if it might be a good match, even if it doesn’t feel comfortable at first. In addition, you may also explore what a healthy relationship means to him, and if that aligns with your definition as well.

How online therapy can help 

If you frequently feel dissatisfied with your romantic relationships, or if you want support in understanding what you’re looking for in a partner, connecting with a therapist through individual or couples therapy may be a good method of support for you. 

Often, talking about relationship concerns can feel very vulnerable and personal—so it can be helpful to do so in a place where you feel comfortable and at ease (such as a virtual setting). 

A growing body of research has suggested the effectiveness of online therapy as a modality to address and resolve relationship concerns possibly. 

For instance, one such study examined the efficacy of a behavioral couple’s therapy program conducted through videoconferencing. It found that the couples who took part in the program showed “improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and all other outcome scores over time”.