How To Learn To Trust Again: Working Through Trust Issues
Psychologists and researchers have long theorized that trust plays a critical role in relationships. Healthy friendships, romantic partnerships, family relationships, and even business partnerships typically involve some element of trust, and severe or repeated betrayals can sometimes create a situation where an individual becomes apprehensive about placing their trust in others.
Whether you’re struggling to trust another person after a betrayal or are finding that deep-seated trust issues are making it difficult to form secure relationships, it can be helpful to examine your feelings and take steps to rebuild your ability to trust. You might try reflecting on the sources of your trust issues, embracing honest communication, and implementing healthy boundaries as you slowly take steps toward trust and forgiveness. A licensed therapist, whether in person or online, can serve as your guide throughout this journey.
Understanding trust issues
Trust is often considered a fundamental component of healthy relationships. However, trust can be fragile, particularly when past experiences complicate one’s willingness to trust others. Trust issues can affect the dynamic between two people, such as after an instance of infidelity or some other type of betrayal. In these situations, repairing the relationship may hinge on re-establishing trust and fostering forgiveness.
Trust issues can also be personal in nature. Past trauma, for example, can significantly impact one’s ability to trust others, such as when a person’s relationship or family history has been marked by instances of betrayal. Low self-esteem may be another factor that contributes to distrust, leading individuals to doubt their own worthiness of trust and devotion.
Effects of trust issues on relationships
Over time, a lack of trust may contribute to the deterioration of a relationship. Doubt and insecurity can make it difficult for two people to feel safe with one another, which can be emotionally draining for both parties. The person harboring the trust issues may be uncertain about the other’s loyalty and intentions, while the other partner may believe they are being unfairly scrutinized.
This dynamic can take a toll on the ability to communicate effectively, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Unresolved trust issues can hinder the healthy functioning of a relationship, even calling into question the viability of the relationship itself.
Components of trusting relationships
As you learn how to trust again, it may be worth keeping in mind some of the principles that tend to underpin trusting relationships. If you’re struggling to trust someone, it might help to consider how each of these components is functioning within the relationship.
- Open communication: A culture of honest, transparent discussion about thoughts, feelings, and concerns usually establishes and reinforces trust. This vulnerability can show the other person that you value and respect the relationship enough to show your true self, which can be instrumental in creating a safe space.
- Respect: Showing respect through words and actions can be an important facet of healthy relationships, creating an environment wherein both people feel valued.
- Consistency: We typically depend on those with whom we are close for support, whether it be emotional or practical in nature. Consistently meeting each other’s needs can demonstrate trust and build confidence.
- Empathy: Relationships tend to function best when both people believe they are understood. Consistent demonstrations of empathy and consideration can show that a person may be relied upon to act in accordance with the needs and desires of those with whom they are close.
- Forgiveness: Even the healthiest relationships may be prone to conflict, but sincere apologies and forgiveness can go a long way in recovering from mistakes and misunderstandings.
Steps to rebuilding trust
If trust issues are getting in the way of a healthy relationship or making it difficult to build a new one, there are some steps you can take to help you learn how to trust again.
1. Reflect on the issues
You might start by identifying the origin of your trust issues, as well as the impact this lack of trust may be having on your mental, emotional, or relationship health.
If your trust issues stem from a recent betrayal, it may be worth thinking about how you might repair the relationship or heal in its absence. If your trust issues are more psychological in nature, you may benefit from assessing these feelings in the context of your current relationship(s). Here are some examples of questions to consider:
- Are my feelings related to something that is happening now or in the past?
- How has this person demonstrated their trustworthiness?
- Have I asked for what I need in this relationship?
2. Communicate honestly
Open, honest communication about your feelings and past experiences may be helpful as you work through feelings of mistrust. Explaining why you’re cautious or paranoid can open up a conversation about what you need from the other person, whether it be more transparency, consistency, or reassurance.
If your trust issues are limited to a particular relationship, honesty may play an even more significant role in the healing process. A mutual commitment to open, direct communication is often a good starting point, both in terms of day-to-day interaction and conflict resolution.
As you put this into practice, it may be important to consider how to prioritize positive, blameless communication. Using “I” statements, for example, can help you share your feelings without making accusations, which can facilitate a more constructive dialogue.
3. Implement boundaries and expectations
Boundaries and expectations can be an important aspect of healthy, mutually respectful relationships, and they can also safeguard your emotional well-being.
When a relationship has been affected by a recent betrayal, stating your needs and limits can help the other person understand how to earn back your trust. You can also use past experiences to help you set boundaries in future relationships, which may help you develop a sense of what you are willing to accept from others.
While this can be a healthy practice, those with trust issues might be cautious of allowing boundaries to become emotional walls or unrealistic expectations. Sometimes, past betrayals may lead us to implement standards or place demands that can be difficult for others to abide by, which may lead to disappointment or further distrust.
4. Take gradual steps toward trust
It can take time to learn how to trust again, and the process typically involves small, incremental steps. It may be helpful to start with practicing vulnerability in low-stakes situations, allowing the positive outcomes to reassure you and rebuild your confidence in others.
While it can seem daunting at first, you may soon feel more comfortable with emotional exposure and re-establish trusting relationships.
It may be a good idea to practice mindfulness in these situations by paying special attention to how each act of trust is handled by the other person. In this way, you can become more attuned to the ways people show themselves to be trustworthy, while also learning how to recognize signs that a person may not be someone you can trust.
5. Learn to forgive
Practicing forgiveness may be an especially challenging act of trust, but without it, it might be difficult to move forward and build strong relationships. If you’re feeling resentment or anger toward someone who has wronged you, consider the process as a step toward your own peace and healing, rather than a favor to the other person.
Forgiveness may involve acknowledging and expressing your feelings, practicing empathy, and learning from the experience, as well as reflecting on the impact that negativity may be having on your emotional well-being and relationships.
If you’re having a hard time moving forward from a betrayal, it may be worth considering forgiveness therapy. This type of therapy was primarily developed to help individuals develop healthier emotional responses to past hurts and grievances, and it might be a worthwhile consideration for those struggling to heal from an emotionally damaging experience.
When to seek help
Learning how to trust again can be a positive step toward healthier relationships, and the newfound confidence with which you approach others can help you build deeper, more meaningful connections. However, this can be a lengthy process, particularly if your trust issues are rooted in deeper, more complex experiences of betrayal.
If trust issues are preventing you from building or maintaining healthy relationships with others, it may be worth seeking professional help from a licensed therapist. A therapist can work with you to understand how those experiences may be shaping your current relationships and offer valuable guidance for learning to trust.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy are two commonly practiced, evidence-based approaches that may be helpful in your situation, and both have been empirically validated by a wealth of research.
Benefits of online therapy
Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp can offer a convenient way to access therapy from the comfort of home. Talking about trust issues can be a vulnerable experience, and the option to attend sessions via videoconference, phone call, or online chat can empower you to customize the therapy experience to your personal comfort level.
Effectiveness of online therapy
While there may not yet be studies investigating the efficacy of online therapy for resolving difficulties with trust, a large body of evidence suggests that online therapy can produce the same client outcomes as traditional face-to-face therapy. Online therapy is frequently used to address a wide variety of mental health disorders and challenges.
Takeaway
Trust issues can make it challenging to build healthy relationships, and learning how to trust others is often a lengthy and challenging process. With clear communication, reasonable boundaries, and carefully considered acts of vulnerability, it may be possible to work toward trust and forgiveness. For guidance working through trust issues, connect with a therapist online or in your local area.
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