How To Not Feel Lonely: 5 Tips For Finding Your Community And Reducing Loneliness
Feeling lonely is normal, and many people feel this way. Even though social media and seemingly instant connections are often at their disposal, more people report higher loneliness rates. Loneliness is now considered an epidemic in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Loneliness can be difficult to understand because it can affect people, even when they have friends and connections. Exploring the meaning of loneliness, its causes, and ways to combat these feelings may help you move forward and be compassionate toward yourself and others.
What is loneliness?
Some people may believe loneliness is a word for being alone or not having people in one’s life. However, a person can be physically alone, take alone time, and not feel lonely. Contrarily, some people may be surrounded by others and experience intense loneliness. Loneliness is a state of mind and not a measurement of how many people are around you. Loneliness affects everyone differently.
Because loneliness is unique to specific individuals, there is no universal cause or way to reduce feelings. A student who is bullied at school and struggling to make connections might experience intense loneliness in a large school surrounded by people. Contrarily, someone who willingly moves to a remote area and lives far away from society might not feel lonely. Loneliness is not solitude. However, some common risk factors could prompt this sensation.
Research on loneliness
Research suggests that introversion, depression, low self-esteem, social isolation, a lack of deep connection, and poor social skills are commonly associated with loneliness. Humans are social creatures with a natural inclination to form connections with other people. Loneliness arises when one’s social and belonging needs are not adequately met.
Lonely people might hear advice to “shake it off” or socialize to feel better. However, loneliness is often challenging to get rid of. The adverse health effects of depression and anxiety are well established. Aside from the mental anguish that can go along with loneliness, research has linked these feelings to genuine health risks. Even at young ages, loneliness has a higher correlation with poor health and poor behaviors. For this reason, a lonely young person might be in worse health than an older person who is not lonely.
Statistics on loneliness
Researchers have been measuring and studying the prevalence of loneliness for decades now. Here are some key statistics:
- One in three Americans report feeling lonely at least once every week.
- Young adults are more likely to feel lonely, and those in lower-income households are as well.
- Although the pandemic likely accelerated this trend, rates of loneliness have been on the rise in the US since the 1970s.
- According to the World Health Organization (WHO), “the effect of social isolation and loneliness on mortality is comparable to that of other well-established risk factors such as smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity.”
- 13% of respondents in one survey say that they use drugs or alcohol to try and feel less lonely.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
Is loneliness an epidemic?
Although the world has been “reopened” for some time since the initial severity of the pandemic subsided, society is struggling to get back to the way it was. A survey from June 2022 to February 2023 asked 1000 adults from each country about loneliness, and 51% of participants reported feeling lonely. The survey covered roughly 77% of the world’s adult population, suggesting the loneliness epidemic is affecting people no matter where they reside.
Loneliness and the COVID-19 pandemic
The COVID-19 pandemic is widely believed to have accelerated the loneliness epidemic. There’s a growing body of research related to the effects of the pandemic and the resulting lockdowns on social isolation and mental health, all indicating a strong correlation.
For example, consider a 2024 paper on the topic that suggests that 47% of survey respondents reported increased loneliness during the pandemic. Of those, 31% reported negative mental health effects as a result and 12% reported negative physical health effects. Findings like these highlight the significant effects of lockdowns on public health and the need for supportive programs and strategies going forward.
Reframing loneliness and seeking help
When dealing with the reality of loneliness, not giving in to hopelessness and pessimism can be a step toward reducing the risk of depression. Accepting that you are experiencing loneliness and knowing that others are in the same situation may help you feel less alone in your experience. If your loneliness becomes difficult to bear or if you start experiencing signs of a mental health condition like anxiety or depression, reaching out to a mental health professional for support may be helpful.
How to not feel lonely: Five tips for finding your community
One possible antidote to alleviating loneliness is finding a community outside of your own company. People may seek a “home away from home” where they fit in and mesh with others. In today’s fast-paced world, finding time may be difficult, but there are ways people can reach out and form connections. Below are tips to alleviate loneliness.
1. Volunteer in your community
Taking steps to give back to others is a way to boost self-esteem and become more connected to your community. Volunteer groups may also prompt you to be social and get to know members of your community who are like-minded.
2. Find special interest groups
If you have a hobby like gaming or sports, you might be able to find others with similar interests. Cities often have meetup groups focusing on a particular hobby or special niche interest to help individuals meet like-minded people and combat loneliness. For example, there may be a basketball club that goes out and builds camaraderie through shooting hoops or a Star Trek trivia club that meets at the local bar every Thursday. Look for your interests and start talking to others.
3. Practice artistic endeavors
People with special talents like stand-up comedy or playing an instrument might enjoy practicing these hobbies with others to feel connected through art. Getting involved in your local art scene can connect you with people on the same page as you. In addition, these activities may alleviate social anxiety and make forming future connections more accessible. Studies show that singing or playing instruments in a music group can improve mental health.
4. Utilize online resources
For some, genuine online connections can blossom into long-term, real-life friendships. Sites like Reddit and Facebook feature interest-based and local groups that may guide you in connecting with people and finding your community.
5. Find professional mental health support to learn how to not feel lonely
You might have tried every strategy and coping mechanism suggested in this article and may still be experiencing feelings of loneliness and isolation. While these feelings may seem impossible to overcome, hope and help are available. Connecting with a licensed mental health professional may help you reduce loneliness.
Tips for seeking professional mental health support for loneliness
Therapy can be a powerful way to learn to shift distorted thought patterns that may be exacerbating loneliness. It can also help you develop communication and other social skills and address symptoms of any related mental health conditions. If you prefer to meet with a therapist in person, you can search your area for providers, ask your doctor for a referral, or contact your insurance company for in-network clinicians. However, if you lack providers in your area or feel nervous being vulnerable with a therapist face to face, you might benefit from looking into online therapy instead.
Exploring online therapy
With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist in as little as 48 hours. You can then meet with them via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Studies suggest that online interventions may be effective in reducing symptoms of mental health conditions commonly associated with loneliness, such as anxiety and depression.
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