How To Talk To People: Starting A Conversation Or Small Talk

Talking to new people can be stressful. Being social creatures, we may naturally want to make friends, and we also might want everyone we meet to like us. However, acquiring these friends can be the difficult part for many of us, especially if you have symptoms of mild to severe social anxiety. 

Why starting a conversation can be hard 

Some people are good conversationalists, while others struggle to start a conversation. Several factors can cause difficulty in starting a conversation. These may include having an introverted personality type, being overly self-conscious, lack of confidence, trouble with social skills, and anxiety. Knowing the reasons behind the difficulty starting and making conversations is a helpful step in addressing it.

Here are some tips for making friends and important social connections even if you get anxious.

Make the first move with confident body language 

Approaching someone can often be the hardest part but once you are there, you may find that the conversation itself is easier than expected. Research suggests that a key strategy to improving conversational confidence is practice and repetition. Try approaching someone with confident body language, such as your back straight and your head held high.

Start the conversation or small talk with something simple

Not every conversation has to start out deep to turn into something meaningful. When you are trying to start a conversation, try leading in with something simple. 

For example, let's say that you are at a party, and you see someone you might want to strike up a conversation with. Instead of walking up to them and immediately telling your life story, try leading with something simple such as, "What are you drinking tonight?" or "How do you know the host?" 

These simple conversation starters are often enough to get the ball rolling, and may naturally lead to more profound conversations later on.

Maintain eye contact and remain interested and attentive

Many people will notice and grow quickly frustrated if they see that you are not fully paying attention to the conversation. Be very attentive and listen closely to what they are saying. If you are paying attention, it will help the conversation flow naturally, because follow-up questions and relatable stories will inevitably arise.

How to talk to people with eye contact and positive body language

Try giving them cues that you are still listening throughout the conversation. For example, nodding your head, positive body language, and maintaining eye contact when they are saying something are often enough to make sure that they know you are still engaged and paying attention.

Don’t look at your phone while having a conversation

Social anxiety may drive you to hide or use a crutch when you're socializing -such as using your phone or avoiding eye contact- but these things can be off-putting to someone who does not know that you are dealing with anxiety, which can lead to the possibility of creating a negative experience or self-fulfilling prophecy. When overcoming social anxiety, it can be important to build positive social experiences that you can draw from in the future.

Keep the conversations balanced

It can be easy to talk too much or talk too little when you are in a conversation with a new person. However, you might not want a conversation to feel like an interview for either side.

Know when a conversation has ended

All conversations may run their course eventually. Pay attention to be able to identify when this has happened. Look out for clues that the other person wants to move on. Has the conversation run out of topics? Is the person you are speaking to subtly trying to depart? Look for these signs and respond appropriately. You don’t want to unintentionally pressure anyone.

Don’t hold a small talk or conversation that you aren’t interested in

You shouldn't feel obligated to stick with a conversation that you aren't interested in, and you shouldn't feel guilty if you need to walk away from a conversation you don't want to be in. It is normal to move on if the conversational chemistry isn’t there.

Be prepared to switch topics based on who you are talking to

Some topics might last a while in a conversation and others might only last a few minutes. While you are talking to someone, take note of their interests and be prepared to move into those topics once the current topic has lost its appeal. This can not only show the other person that you are interested and listening, but it will also likely keep the conversation going longer.

Be yourself even if you think you don’t know how to talk to people

It might seem logical to pretend to be something to impress someone, but it can result in issues down the road. When you are talking to someone, be genuine. If you don't like something, let them know. If you can relate to something they said, let them know. Don't try to be someone else or else you might unintentionally avoid making a genuine connection with someone.

Therapy can help improve social skills in talking to people 

Social skills have physical and mental health benefits. However, communicating with other people can be challenging for some. If you feel that starting a conversation or talking to other people is making you anxious, seeking support through mental health therapy may make a big difference. Mental health professionals can help you figure out the cause of your concern and help you find the right approach or technique to improve your social skills. 

Consider online therapy if you have concerns regarding how to talk to people

Social anxiety can make it hard to follow these steps. Are you anxious in public to the point that it is affecting your social life? If so, we recommend that you visit BetterHelp. BetterHelp is an online counseling platform dedicated to providing affordable and convenient counseling to those who need it. 

Various studies have clearly demonstrated that online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy when it comes to treating the symptoms of social anxiety. Online therapy comes with added benefits such as being more cost-effective, more convenient, and more available to people who have mobility issues or who live in particularly remote areas.