How To Talk To Your Friends About Depression And Mental Health
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that over 20 percent of US adults live with a mental illness. Despite the prevalence of these conditions, many individuals experiencing mental disorders feel embarrassed, alone, and isolated. This sense of isolation may be rooted in the stigmatization of mental illness, which could lead those experiencing disorders like depression to hide their illness from friends and family. It’s important to overcome these feelings and sharing your experiences with your family members can be helpful, as a proper support system can be essential for your health and mental well-being. Learning how to talk to your friends about depression and other mental illnesses may help you create this system and get the support you need.
Do I need to tell my friends about my mental illness?
Not everyone chooses to tell their friends about their mental illness, and that is perfectly fine. However, telling no one that you are experiencing a mental illness may make life more challenging. For individuals living with depression, their symptoms can directly lead to social isolation. This can create a negative loop where a depressed person isolates and avoids loved ones due to their symptoms, only for their symptoms to worsen as a result of that isolation.
Having a strong support network can have a positive effect on those experiencing a number of mental illnesses. For individuals living with depression, research suggests that positive social support resulted in lower levels of depression symptoms; self-isolation, on the other hand, was connected to higher rates of depression, irritability, and loneliness.
What to do before talking about your mental illness
While everyone’s mental health journey is different, certain behaviors may be beneficial before talking about depression or other mental health disorders. These may include:
Receiving a diagnosis
If you believe you are experiencing depression or another mental illness but have not received a diagnosis, you may want to do so before broaching the topic with friends. While some may be tempted to self-diagnose based on their own research, it's essential to receive an official diagnosis from a mental health professional. These professionals can not only help you reduce the risk of misdiagnosis, but they may also assist you in finding a viable treatment plan to address your condition.
Research your symptoms
Once you have a diagnosis, researching your symptoms and observing your behavior may give you a better understanding of your illness. For example, those with depression may experience symptoms that include:
- Sleep disturbances
- Difficulty concentrating
- Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
- Feeling as though you have less energy
- Changes in appetite
- Feelings of unwarranted guilt or shame
Finding out the symptoms of your mental health disorder can inform conversations you have about your condition and make it easier to explain what you are experiencing. In addition, researching these subjects beforehand could make it easier for you to answer questions and determine the best way your friends can offer support.
Determining your boundaries
Before opening a dialogue with loved ones about depression or other mental illnesses, you may want to consider the boundaries you wish to set. Boundary examples will vary from person to person but may relate to what type of support you would like to receive and what subjects you are comfortable discussing. For instance, you may be considering therapy or another treatment for your illness but aren’t ready to talk about it yet. In this case, you could set this boundary with friends to avoid potential discomfort.
How to talk to your friends about depression and mental health
Once you feel prepared and ready to talk about your mental illness to your friends, it can be helpful to follow certain steps. Here are three techniques that may help you effectively communicate with loved ones about depression and other mental health disorders.
Choose the right time and setting
By taking the initiative and making it clear you want to talk about the subject of your mental health, you can likely choose the environment and elements surrounding your conversation. Finding a time that works for you and your friends can be an important first step in creating a comfortable environment. It may be helpful to find a time that isn’t close to any stressful events, like busy workdays, school exams, or shortly after interpersonal conflicts.
Once you’ve found a time that works for everyone, you’ll likely want to find a neutral setting for your conversation where you feel safe. If possible, it may be best to invite friends over to your home or an outdoor area where you won’t be disturbed. If your friends don’t live nearby or meeting in person isn’t convenient, you may choose to have the conversation online or over the phone. If you are more comfortable talking in text, you may also choose to discuss your mental health through SMS messaging or apps like Discord.
Suggest ways they can help
Your friends will likely want to support you but may not be clear on the exact ways to do so. While you have the freedom to choose how you wish to be supported, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA) recommends that loved ones offer support by:
- Finding out if the person is getting the care they want and sharing resources when appropriate.
- Expressing concern if the person is showing certain symptoms.
- Listening to the person when they discuss their mental health struggles and keeping an open mind.
- Reassuring the person that you and other loved ones care about them.
- Offering to help the person with tasks that their illness may make challenging.
- Inviting the person to events and including them in plans, even if they frequently turn down invitations.
- Educating others about mental illness to reduce stigmatization.
- Avoiding mental health discrimination and treating people experiencing mental illness with compassion, empathy, and respect.
This can also be where you bring up the boundaries you wish to set surrounding your mental illness. While doing so, it may be helpful to use “I” statements, which can help illustrate situations from your perspective. Instead of saying a sentence like “Don’t ask me about my depression so much” you could say “I feel uncomfortable when you ask about my depression too frequently. I appreciate that you want to check in, but let’s try to keep it to once or twice a month at most.” By expressing your thoughts and feelings this way, you can avoid offending a person or making them believe you are personally attacking them.
Discourage stereotypes and stigmas
While those experiencing mental illnesses can often be well-educated on the subject, the general public may not be. Your friends may have some preconceived notions about what it means to experience a mental health disorder like depression, and it may be helpful to address these stereotypes to remove the stigma.
- Depression isn’t real.
- If you are experiencing depression, you can just “stop being depressed” or “think your way out” of the disorder.
- Depression only happens after a sad event.
- Depression only happens for a short period of time.
- Medication can “cure” depression.
- Having depression makes someone weaker.
You may open up a dialogue about this topic by asking your friends what they’ve heard about your mental illness. Taking the time to address each stereotype could strengthen the emotional support you receive and help to educate others about the realities of those with mental health conditions.
Seeking treatment and support for depression and other forms of mental illness
It's perfectly natural not to be ready to talk to friends or loved ones about your mental illness. However, living with a mental health disorder can be challenging. If you don’t find support, you may feel overwhelmed or struggle to maintain your well-being and quality of life. Whether you are comfortable reaching out to friends or not, speaking with a professional therapist may offer the support you need. While not everyone may have access to in-person therapy, online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp can offer a convenient and effective alternative.
Effectiveness of online therapy
Research shows that online therapy through BetterHelp can significantly reduce depression symptom severity. In addition, study results indicated that online psychotherapy had equal effectiveness across gender, financial status, and physical health status. This study also suggested that online therapy was particularly effective for those with no previous history of psychotherapy.
Takeaway
Why should you talk to your friends about your depression?
Strong social relationships can have positive effects on individuals with depression, including those experiencing severe depression, by providing a sense of belonging and emotional support. Having a solid support system can also help reduce stress, boost self-esteem, and avoid loneliness. That said, opening up to others about your mental health can be daunting.
Still, talking to your close friends can improve your life and help them understand what you’re going through. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, strong support can improve treatment results and lower the suicide risk for people feeling alone.
You don’t have to share everything. Just one example of how you feel can help. You can also remind them it’s not your fault, and asking for help isn’t weakness; it’s part of recovery. There are different ways to open up, like taking a walk or engaging in physical activity, sending a message, or watching a movie together. You might also involve a therapist, counselor, or doctor. They can help you get the right care, so book an appointment when you’re ready.
If you’re unsure where to start, groups like the National Alliance on Mental Illness and Veterans Affairs offer mental health services, resources, and crisis help. Reaching out shows your willingness to get support.
How to talk to your friends about depression
Here are several tips you can consider to make talking about your mental health easier:
Prepare for the conversation: There are different ways to share how you feel. You could plan to talk during a walk or while watching a movie. If you’re unsure, talking to a counselor or doctor first can help. They might also help you decide if medicine or other care options are right for you.
Choose the right time and place: Find a quiet moment when you and your friend can both listen. You don’t have to say everything at once; just start talking when you’re ready.
Don’t be afraid to accept help: If your close friends want to support you, let them. You don’t need to force anything. Accepting help is part of care and recovery, especially if you’re dealing with severe depression, anxiety, or hopelessness.
Set boundaries: Use clear language to explain what topics feel too personal. Remind your friends that support helps, even if you’re not ready to talk about everything.
If someone doesn’t understand or seems to judge, you can take a step back and contact a professional, grab a moment to yourself, or join a support group offered by a mental health department. You can also make an appointment with a therapist and explore services from the National Institute of Mental Health for more help.
How can you help a loved one overcome suicidal thoughts and other symptoms of mental illness?
If a friend or loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, you might not feel equipped to offer support on your own. You can help them connect with a mental health professional or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline to get the support they need.
Mental health professionals can provide treatment for various forms of mental illness
Encourage your loved one to seek professional support to help them cope with mental health challenges. A mental health professional may provide treatment through therapy or medication.
The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can help individuals experiencing suicidal thoughts
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline offers 24/7 support for people in emotional distress, including those experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm.
How do you explain depression to a friend?
You can explain that someone who is depressed may feel sad, tired, or lose interest in activities like going for a walk or engaging in physical activity. Let them know depression is treatable. The National Institute of Mental Health says that with the right treatment, people can feel better. That might mean talking to a doctor, starting medicine, or using support services.
It helps to start talking early. You can give simple tips like: listen without judging, offer support, and book an appointment if needed. Some people may have thoughts of suicide, so it’s important to watch for warning signs like withdrawing from others or losing hope. Encourage them to get care when they need it. The point is, depression is nothing to feel ashamed of, and no one has to go through it alone.
How to stop feeling depressed?
There are ways to feel better, and small steps can help. Start by being aware of how you feel. You can talk to someone you trust or make an appointment with a doctor or therapist. Getting the right treatment is important. A patient may feel better with therapy, medicine, or both.
Try to get outside for a walk, even if it’s short. If it feels hard, just grab a few minutes outside. If you’re having thoughts of suicide or feel like giving up, these are warning signs that you need support right away. You don’t need to feel ashamed. Asking for help is strong, not weak. You don’t have to figure everything out today.
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