How To Talk To Your Friends About Depression And Other Mental Illnesses

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that over 20 percent of US adults live with a mental illness. Despite the prevalence of these conditions, many individuals experiencing mental disorders feel embarrassed, alone, and isolated. This sense of isolation may be rooted in the stigmatization of mental illness, which could lead those experiencing disorders like depression to hide their illness from friends and family. It’s important to overcome these feelings and sharing your experiences with your family members can be helpful, as a proper support system can be beneficialessential for your health and mental well-being. Learning how to talk to your friends about depression and other mental illnesses may help you create this system and get the support you need. 

Do I need to tell my friends about my mental illness?

Not everyone chooses to tell their friends about their mental illness, and that is perfectly fine. However, telling no one that you are experiencing a mental illness may make life more challenging. For individuals living with depression, their symptoms can directly lead to social isolation. This can create a negative loop where a depressed person isolates and avoids loved ones due to their symptoms, only for their symptoms to worsen as a result of that isolation.

Having a strong support network can have a positive effect on those experiencing a number of mental illnesses. For individuals living with depression, research suggests that positive social support resulted in lower levels of depression symptoms; self-isolation, on the other hand, was connected to higher rates of depression, irritability, and loneliness. 

What to do before talking about your mental illness

While everyone’s mental health journey is different, certain behaviors may be beneficial before talking about depression or other mental health disorders. These may include:

Receiving a diagnosis

If you believe you are experiencing depression or another mental illness but have not received a diagnosis, you may want to do so before broaching the topic with friends. While some may be tempted to self-diagnose based on their own research, it's essential to receive an official diagnosis from a mental health professional. These professionals can not only help you reduce the risk of misdiagnosis, but they may also assist you in finding a viable treatment plan to address your condition. 

Researching your symptoms

Once you have a diagnosis, researching your symptoms and observing your behavior may give you a better understanding of your illness. For example, those with depression may experience symptoms that include:

• • Sleep disturbances
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
  • Feeling as though you have less energy
  • Changes in appetite
  • Feelings of unwarranted guilt or shame

Finding out the symptoms of your mental health disorder can inform conversations you have about your condition and make it easier to explain what you are experiencing. In addition, researching these subjects beforehand could make it easier for you to answer questions and determine the best way your friends can offer support. 

Determining your boundaries

Before opening a dialogue with loved ones about depression or other mental illnesses, you may want to consider the boundaries you wish to set. Boundary examples will vary from person to person but may relate to what type of support you would like to receive and what subjects you are comfortable discussing. For instance, you may be considering therapy or another treatment for your illness but aren’t ready to talk about it yet. In this case, you could set this boundary with friends to avoid potential discomfort. 

How to talk to your friends about your mental illness

Once you feel prepared and ready to talk about your mental illness to your friends, it can be helpful to follow certain steps. Here are three techniques that may help you effectively communicate with loved ones about depression and other mental health disorders. 

Choose the right time and setting 

By taking the initiative and making it clear you want to talk about the subject of your mental health, you can likely choose the environment and elements surrounding your conversation. Finding a time that works for you and your friends can be an important first step in creating a comfortable environment. It may be helpful to find a time that isn’t close to any stressful events, like busy workdays, school exams, or shortly after interpersonal conflicts. 

Once you’ve found a time that works for everyone, you’ll likely want to find a neutral setting for your conversation where you feel safe. If possible, it may be best to invite friends over to your home or an outdoor area where you won’t be disturbed. If your friends don’t live nearby or meeting in person isn’t convenient, you may choose to have the conversation online or over the phone. If you are more comfortable talking in text, you may also choose to discuss your mental health through SMS messaging or apps like Discord. 

Suggest ways they can help

Your friends will likely want to support you but may not be clear on the exact ways to do so. While you have the freedom to choose how you wish to be supported, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA) recommends that loved ones offer support by:

• Finding out if the person is getting the care they want and sharing resources when appropriate.
• Expressing concern if the person is showing certain symptoms.
• Listening to the person when they discuss their mental health struggles and keeping an open mind.
• Reassuring the person that you and other loved ones care about them.
• Offering to help the person with tasks that their illness may make challenging.
• Inviting the person to events and including them in plans, even if they frequently turn down invitations.
• Educating others about mental illness to reduce stigmatization.
• Avoiding mental health discrimination and treating people experiencing mental illness with compassion, empathy, and respect.

This can also be where you bring up the boundaries you wish to set surrounding your mental illness. While doing so, it may be helpful to use “I” statements, which can help illustrate situations from your perspective. Instead of saying a sentence like “Don’t ask me about my depression so much” you could say “I feel uncomfortable when you ask about my depression too frequently. I appreciate that you want to check in, but let’s try to keep it to once or twice a month at most.” By expressing your thoughts and feelings this way, you can avoid offending a person or making them believe you are personally attacking them.

Discourage stereotypes and stigmas

While those experiencing mental illnesses can often be well-educated on the subject, the general public may not be. Your friends may have some preconceived notions about what it means to experience a mental health disorder like depression, and it may be helpful to address these stereotypes to remove the stigma.

You may open up a dialogue about this topic by asking your friends what they’ve heard about your mental illness. Taking the time to address each stereotype could strengthen the emotional support you receive and help to educate others about the realities of those with mental health conditions. 

What if I’m not ready to talk to my friends about depression or other mental Iillnesses?

You mayIt's perfectly natural to not be ready to talk to friends or loved ones about your mental illness, and this is okay. However, living with a mental health disorder can be challenging. If you don’t find support, you may feel overwhelmed or struggle to maintain your own wellbeing and quality of life. Whether you are comfortable reaching out to friends or not, speaking with a professional therapist may offer the support you need. While not everyone may not have access to in-person therapy, online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp can offer a convenient and effective alternative. 

Research shows that online therapy through BetterHelp can significantly reduce depression symptom severity. In addition, study results indicated that online psychotherapy had equal effectiveness across gender, financial status, and physical health status. This study also suggested that online therapy was particularly effective for those with no previous history of psychotherapy.