How To Stop Being Emotional: Strategies To Communicate Your Feelings
If you’re an emotionally expressive person, you may have received feedback to be “less emotional,” “calm down,” or “stop being sensitive.” While these suggestions may come from a place of positive intent, they can also hurt to hear and may not be realistic to emotional experiences. In complex or stressful moments, you may struggle to stop a tide of emotions from rushing to the surface.
Emotions are essential to communicating and relating to other people, and suppressing your feelings doesn’t make them go away. Alternatively, mental health professionals encourage clients to embrace their emotions while developing strategies to manage them, including painful emotions that persistently affect their mental health and relationships.
For those wondering how to “stop” being emotional, looking at a nuanced perspective on the value of emotions, the meaning of emotional management, and four strategies to manage your emotions and communicate more effectively with others may be helpful.
What is emotional management?
Emotional management, sometimes called emotional control, is the process of becoming aware of your emotions and learning to manage them effectively with various coping strategies. It does not involve judging or ignoring your emotions, as emotional suppression has been linked to poor physical and mental health.
Mental health professional’s goals in managing your emotions
The process of emotional management may require time and a willingness to learn and relearn as you navigate new experiences and challenges. To assist their clients, psychotherapists, and other mental health professionals may outline the following goals for emotional management:
- Accurately perceive the feelings
- Label the feelings
- “Make sense” of the feelings and their potential origins
- Take action to manage emotions for optimal results, such as improving communication with a loved one or taking deep breaths when stressed
Increasing positive and decreasing negative emotions
Using emotional control, you can learn how to affect your emotional state by increasing positive emotion and decreasing negative emotion while accepting that emotions are part of being human. All emotions can offer helpful information about mental health and relationships. In some cases, uncomfortable, so-called “negative” feelings can alert people to dangerous situations.
Emotional management vs. emotional control
In some situations, the distinction between emotional management and emotional control may be unclear. To accurately define and use these terms, psychologists may separate emotional control as a facet of emotional control or management. Using this framework, emotional control is one technique to positively manage your emotions and change an emotional response.
To control your emotions, you can use cognitive strategies to “manage the generation, experience, or expression of an emotion,” as the Berkeley Well-Being Institute describes. Cognitive strategies could include mindfulness meditation, repeating mantras in your head, or another thought-based exercise.
Alternatively, you can use behavioral strategies, like working out or calling a loved one, to influence an emotional response positively.
Healthy ways to manage and communicate your emotions and feelings
Although there can be many healthy forms of emotional control, some people may be able to think of a time when they engaged in harmful behaviors to manage difficult emotions. Substance misuse, withdrawal from loved ones, and emotional denial are examples of unhealthy behaviors that people may employ in response to fear, sadness, and other upsetting feelings.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
4 ways on how to stop being emotional
Noting the distinction between helpful and harmful forms of emotional control, consider the following four ways to control and communicate your feelings to the people in your life.
Allow time to reflect on your feelings
In the busyness of daily life, you may struggle to find time and space to reflect on your feelings adequately. As you balance work, friends, family, and other obligations, pausing and reflecting on your feelings can help you become more in tune with your needs and desires.
To hit the “pause” button during an emotional moment, consider strategies like counting to 100 or reciting the alphabet backward. You may also use that brief window of time to stop, breathe, and acknowledge your feelings before expressing your emotions.
Create a list of strategies to cope with feeling stress and emotional moments
You may not always be able to predict or fully prepare for an emotional or stressful moment. Still, you can create a personalized list of coping strategies that consistently make you feel better. After reflecting on your feelings, reach into your emotional “toolkit” of tried-and-true coping mechanisms.
Every person’s list may differ, but some healthy emotional coping strategies could include:
- Watching a funny video, movie, or comforting TV show
- Organizing a space in your home or office
- Playing with your child or pet
- Reading a favorite book or passage
- Taking a walk or a nap, depending on your energy levels
Depending on your needs at a particular moment, you may prefer another activity that encourages you to process your feelings, provides a mood boost, or addresses an essential need like sleep or nourishment.
Use emotional reappraisal to change a “negative” feeling
As an alternative to emotional suppression, emotional reappraisal involves changing your thoughts about a difficult or “negative” feeling before having an emotional response. Several studies show that people who habitually use reappraisal tend to have higher well-being, more positive emotions, and fewer negative emotions.
The emotional control skill of reappraisal takes time to cultivate. Still, the following tips may help you incorporate this strategy into your daily life and communication with strangers and loved ones.
Reframe the emotional meaning of difficult or confusing situations
If your friend takes a long time to respond to your text message, you can interpret that they’re ignoring you, which could lead to hurt feelings. Contrarily, you could assume they are busy, which may make you more understanding and less worried about their response time.
Reevaluate conflicts from a different perspective
If you’re involved in an argument, reevaluate the situation by temporarily adopting the other person’s perspective. Changing your point of view can help you empathize with the other side and potentially reduce the “emotional burden” of the situation.
Practice your creative thinking skills
In a 2023 study of reappraisal and creative potential, researchers found that emotional reappraisal requires and potentially boosts creativity.
While this study finds that creative people are more likely to control their emotions using reappraisal, the researchers also emphasize that creativity and reappraisal are not fixed traits and can change and improve with regular practice.
Learn about other adaptive strategies for controlling emotions
In a foundational 2001 study, researchers outlined nine conceptually different cognitive emotion control strategies. Compared to “maladaptive” strategies for emotional control, such as rumination and catastrophizing, adaptive cognitive emotion strategies include positive reappraisal as well as:
- Positive refocusing
- Putting a situation into perspective
- Acceptance
- Planning
These strategies are interconnected but may be applied separately, depending on a person’s personality and social context. Adaptive emotional control may support better well-being, communication, and higher income, according to a 2014 study of emotional control and life outcomes. People who consistently practice emotional control skills may more successfully communicate their attitudes, goals, and intentions to others, which can facilitate their success professionally and personally.
Develop skills to control your emotions in therapy
If you struggle to control your emotions and communicate effectively with loved ones, you may be interested in addressing these challenges with a licensed therapist. Some people prefer to work on emotional control with an in-person therapist, but others prefer the convenience and flexibility of an online therapy platform like BetterHelp.
Online therapy can control emotions and other related mental health conditions
Research suggests that online therapy can be a powerful tool for emotional health, including a 2018 study of the effectiveness of an online mindfulness-based intervention on reducing psychological distress and the mediating role of emotion control. After completing the eight-week program, the 76 participants reported significantly fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression and higher levels of mindfulness. Although the online program only had a medium effect on emotional control difficulties, this result may be due to the small sample of participants, indicating the need for more research on this topic.
Online therapy platforms allow clients to match with a therapist, often within 48 hours. When you sign up, you can indicate your preferences for treatment goals, therapeutic modalities, and therapist identity. In addition, you can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions.
Takeaway
A mental health professional can guide you through this reflective process, as can other people in your support network, such as friends, family, and acquaintances. Over time, you can better understand when to listen, when to express your emotions, and how to control your emotional responses in ways that support your mental health and relationships.
How to stop being emotional?
Completely eliminating intense emotions isn’t healthy or achievable, as they are a natural part of the human experience. Instead, learning to manage them through techniques like mindfulness can improve your mental well-being.
How do I stop being emotional and crying?
If you feel overly emotional, consider using cognitive-behavioral techniques to avoid emotional reactions. Consult a healthcare professional for tailored strategies that can suit your individual needs.
Why am I so sensitive and cry easily?
Being sensitive and crying easily could simply be due to being a highly sensitive person, or it could be related to underlying mental health conditions. Professional help can offer insights, coping strategies, and potential treatment options.
Why do I keep getting so emotional from stress?
Frequent emotional reactions may indicate high stress levels, unresolved relationship issues, or family conflict. Addressing the root causes can potentially provide long-term relief.
Is it normal to be too emotional?
What constitutes being overly emotional varies from person to person and can be impacted by various factors in a person’s life. If you find that your emotions negatively affect your life, it may be worth finding effective coping strategies.
Is it normal to be feeling emotional every day?
Experiencing emotions every day is normal, but if they are causing distress, finding ways to reduce stress to avoid further issues in a personal or work environment may be helpful.
Why do I feel like crying?
The urge to cry can be triggered by stress, flight response, or emotional drama. Understanding where the urge comes from can help you figure out how to manage your feelings more effectively and develop a thick skin.
What is a very emotional person called?
A very emotional person may be referred to as a “highly sensitive person.” This does not mean they react negatively to emotional situations but that they often have more intense emotional reactions than the average person.
How do I stop being emotional over small things?
Learning to identify triggers and reframe how you perceive situations can help curb the impulse to blow things up or turn them into a big deal. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques may help you navigate difficult situations more effectively.
Is feeling too much emotion a sign of weakness?
Being emotional is not inherently a weakness. In fact, it can be a strength in environments where empathy and understanding are valued. However, if you find it hard to respectfully address emotional situations, seeking help and developing some coping strategies may be beneficial.
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