Learning How To Open Up To People: A Guide
It can be difficult to be vulnerable, and stigma surrounding mental health challenges can make people more likely to minimize, deny or ignore their feelings. Despite the fact that 50% of Americans will be diagnosed with a mental health condition at some point, there can still be a cultural narrative that mental health challenges are a sign of “weakness”.
Talking genuinely and openly with the people you care about can build trust, strength, resilience and a sense of community. A licensed mental health professional can help you work to embrace your feelings and invite people into your life.
Read on to learn more strategies that can help you as you learn how to open up to people you care about.
How to have deep conversations
When you face social rejection and ostracization, the same regions of the brain that are generally responsible for physical pain can activate. This suggests that vulnerability can leave us exposed to potential rejection, judgement, humiliation and the pain that can come with it.
However, while cultures can sometimes stigmatize talking about our feelings or associate it with “weakness,” vulnerability can provide a space for authenticity, innovation and creativity. Additionally, while small talk can be a healthy part of social life, it can also important to have outlets for deeper emotional support.
1. Find the right person
Not all relationships feel deeply trusting or safe for vulnerability for many—and some studies estimate that it can take 340 hours of face-to-face interaction for most people to develop close friendships.
2. Focus on how you feel
When you’re having an open conversation with someone (such as a friend, colleague, romantic partner or families), it can be a good idea to emphasize “I” language.
“I” statements can be used to discuss your experiences and help you navigate conflict, plus they can help you to develop self-awareness skills.
3. Find the best communication format
If you’re finding it difficult to initiate a face-to-face discussion, you might want to consider talking on the phone, video conferencing or writing a letter.
Some people may find that alternative forms of communication can be helpful as they facilitate discussion. We do want to note, however, that certain formats can be more effective than others for some. For example: Texting may lead to misunderstandings because body language and tone of voice are not communicated—so it may not be the best choice for serious conversations.
4. Write about it
Some people might find it helpful to write about how they’re feeling before having a difficult conversation.
According to Kaiser Permanente, journaling can improve communication skills and improve self-confidence.
If you’re not sure exactly how you feel or how to write about it, you might want to try stream of consciousness journaling. During this practice, you can write down your thoughts as they cross your mind, which may provide more clarity.
5. Set aside time
Setting aside time without distractions can make serious conversations easier. Most people might prefer to have intimate conversations one-on-one, without other people present or immediately nearby.
6. Be honest
Being open and honest about how you feel can build stronger social connections and increase self-reported happiness. While many people may be tempted to sugar-coat difficult conversations, it can be misleading and counterproductive.
7. Ask for what you need
You might consider letting them know what type of help you’re looking for from them—but be prepared that they may not be able to provide you with all the support you need.
Some ways they may be able to help can include regularly checking in with you, helping you find resources, offering advice or running some errands.
8. Return the favor
In addition to asking for support, you can provide support. This can be a scheduled activity for most, possibly allowing you to reach as many friends as possible. Dr Anna Akbari, a sociologist, recommends scheduling consistent time to spend with close friends and being available when they need help from you.
It’s not always easy to talk about feelings
Talk to an online therapist
If you’re finding it difficult to open up about mental health challenges with friends and family, or if they cannot offer you the support you need, you might want to consider reaching out to a licensed professional.
One type of talk therapy, called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can be effective for both people aiming to improve their overall well-being and those with diagnosed psychiatric disorders.
During CBT sessions, a therapist can help you explore the relationship between your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. By reframing negative thoughts, for example, they can help relieve emotional distress and guide you towards healthier communication skills.
If someone is learning how to be vulnerable with others, they may not wish to discuss their innermost feelings with someone new in a face-to-face setting. For this reason, many may feel more comfortable with online therapy to discuss their needs.
A 2017 study demonstrated that online CBT can effectively address the symptoms of many psychiatric disorders, and it can often be more affordable than traditional in-person therapy.
Conditions that were specifically noted in the review that showed measurable improvement include general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, substance use disorder and bipolar disorder.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
Takeaway
How do you start opening up to people?
Each individual may have a different experience as they open up to others. It might help to speak casually and discuss your thoughts about neutral topics; remember that you don't have to open up to the first person you talk to. If a person reacts positively, you trust them, and you're comfortable around them, you might feel less afraid as you explore a deeper level of openness.
You can gradually delve into aspects of more importance in your inner world, like what makes you feel happy or sad. Choose someone you trust and feel comfortable with, and take your time building a foundation of openness.
How do you make it easy to talk to people and open up?
Creating a safe and nonjudgmental space may help make it easier to talk to people and open up about yourself. Focusing on listening to your conversation partner and using words that effectively convey your emotions may also make a difference. This approach can create a foundation that allows you to discuss more about your thoughts and feelings, even if you feel vulnerable. By establishing trust and reciprocity, the process of opening up becomes more comfortable.
How can I be open around people?
Being open around people often means being willing to reveal personal thoughts and feelings—you can practice vulnerability by discussing things about yourself little by little. It might help to choose neutral or happy moments so that it's easier to navigate sensitive or personal topics.
Why do I have trouble opening up to people?
People may have trouble opening up to others for many reasons. For example, an individual might fear judgment, have past experiences that led to hurt or misunderstood feelings, or generally feel vulnerable around others. Acknowledging how one feels and focusing on creating a safe environment for open communication might help.
What are the benefits of opening up to friends?
Opening up to friends can deepen connections and foster mutual understanding. This might strengthen relationships and create a source of emotional support when you discuss your inner world with friends.
When you open up to someone and they don't respond?
It might not be personal if someone doesn't respond when you open up. Many reasons for a person's reaction have less to do with what was said and more to do with the individual's state of mind, emotions at the moment, or social preconceptions. If comfortable, consider expressing your feelings about the lack of response, fostering open communication.
How can I be more open about my feelings?
The things that will help individuals be more open about their feelings can vary from person to person. It might help to practice picking works that accurately express your emotions and convey your inner world. Another beneficial action is often to choose a trusted person to open up to and gradually discuss more as you have positive experiences. A therapist might encourage you to acknowledge fears or anxieties surrounding the topic of vulnerability and take small steps.
Why is it important to control your emotions when expressing them?
It's often helpful to control your emotions when expressing them to ensure effective communication. Controlling emotional expression may allow for precise and constructive communication while preventing misunderstandings and fostering a healthier exchange.
How do you help someone express their feelings?
If you're trying to help someone open up, it might be beneficial to create a supportive and nonjudgmental environment to speak with them. You can also open communication with active listening, providing emotional validation, and expressing genuine empathy. Asking open-ended questions may also help.
Why do we need to communicate and express our emotions?
Communication and expressing emotions can be beneficial for building connections and understanding. Expressing emotions and communicating honestly can create mutual support and strengthen relationships.
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