Dia De Los Muertos And Managing Grief

Dia de los Muertos is a holiday in Mexican Heritage that celebrates the lives of those who have passed on. It acknowledges that death is a part of life and should be celebrated. The traditions of this holiday give people an opportunity to grieve out loud, surrounded by their community. However, for some, grief can become complicated. Below, learn the significance of this celebration and healthy ways to work through grief on the holidays. 

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Día de los Muertos or Day of the Dead

Day of the Dead is a holiday celebrated in Mexico and some other areas in Latin America. People can celebrate Día de los Muertos in their own homes or participate in large-scale Day of the Dead celebrations around the country, from the Day of the Dead parade in Mexico City to the epicenter of festivities at Oaxaca, a United Nations Educational and Scientific and Cultural Organization World Heritage (UNESCO) site. There are also Day of the Dead celebrations in the U.S., with one of the largest at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Los Angeles.

Day of the Dead: Is it Mexican Halloween? 

Some may assume that the Day of the Dead is Mexican Halloween. While both holidays occur around the same time and involve death, skulls, and costumes, they are rooted in two different ancient traditions. Halloween is believed to have evolved from an ancient Celtic festival called Samhain that marked the end of summer and the beginning of the harvest season and winter. 

The Celts believed that the division between the living and dead was thinnest at this time and that evil spirits would play tricks and wreak havoc. They wore costumes to trick them, leaving out food and other sacrifices to appease them. This celebration is drastically different from Día de los Muertos. Day of the Dead Festivities celebrate the lives of deceased relatives and welcome the return of their spirits to Earth.

Understanding the significance of Día de los Muertos

Day of the Dead is widely celebrated in Mexico but holds special significance for the Indigenous communities and is recognized by UNESCO as an important piece of intangible cultural heritage. Día de los Muertos is about celebrating those who have passed and welcoming their spirits back to Earth; it’s also about accepting and celebrating that death is a part of life.

The history of this Mexican holiday

Day of the Dead has roots that go back about 3,000 years to the Aztecs and Nahua people living in central Mexico. These cultures respected the cyclical nature of life, seeing death as ever-present and unavoidable. They believed a person traveled to the Land of the Dead, or Chicunamictlán, after death. After passing through nine challenging levels of Chicunamictlán, which took many years, the person’s soul reached Mictlán, their final resting place. Family members provided their favorite foods and water to help their deceased family members journey through the Land of the Dead. 

The Spanish had traditions honoring those who passed, rooted in the Catholic Church. These traditions were centered on All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, which were celebrated on the first two days of November. In Spain, people would bring pan de ánimas (spirit bread) and wine to their loved one’s graves and decorate their headstones with candles and flowers to guide their souls back to Earth. Some of these traditions were brought to the New World and integrated into Day of the Dead traditions. 

When the Spanish conquered the Aztec Empire in the 16th century, indigenous celebrations honoring death and souls were moved to coincide with All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, with the Day of the Dead being celebrated on November 2nd.  Today, the Day of the Dead is celebrated every year over three days, from October 21st to November 2nd. Mexican tradition holds that the gates of heaven open at midnight on October 31st. At that time, the departed souls of children who passed can rejoin their families for 24 hours while the spirits of adults visit on November 2nd.

Day of the Dead altars, sugar skulls, and other traditions

Today, Day of the Dead celebrations include a mix of ancient and Spanish-influenced traditions, some detailed below.

Day of the Dead altars

The Ancient Aztecs offered water and food to the spirits of the deceased to help them on their journey to Chicunamictlán. Today, Mexican families set up ofrendas or altars in their homes, where they place photos of loved ones who have passed along with their favorite foods and other items that honor the dead person’s life.

Sugar skulls

Traditionally, sugar skulls are made of a paste made of sugar, lemon, and hot water, which is molded into the shape of a skull. Today, they may be made with various ingredients, including chocolate, almonds, honey, and more. These skulls are decorated with bright colors and bright white icing, matching the other colorful decorations of the festivities. Sugar skulls are everywhere during Día de los Muertos, used as altar decorations and set on the graves of lost loved ones.

La Catrina and Calavera makeup

La Catrina is a drawing of a skeleton woman, created at the beginning of the 19th century by a Mexican cartoonist as a protest to Mexicans in high society wanting to look more European. His caricature appeared in the Mexican press and depicted his characters as skeletons with skulls for heads, regardless of class, which was a political statement at the time. 

La Catrina wears European clothing with a fancy hat and has become a part of the Day of the Dead celebrations. People celebrating Día de los Muertos often paint their faces to look like colorful skulls, symbolizing that all humans are skeletons, no matter who you are. This tradition celebrates that death is a part of life.

Pan de Muerto for this Mexican holiday 

Pan de muerto, or bread of the dead, may date back to human sacrifices in the Aztec empire, but the sweet treat it is today was inspired by the Spanish, who rejected these sacrifices and used sugar-coated wheat bread painted red as a symbolic replacement to represent the blood of the sacrificed. Today, pan de muerto generally takes the form of small, knot-shaped buns with strips of dough to symbolize the human body's bones, dusted with cinnamon and sugar.

Does celebrating Día de los Muertos help with grief?

While Día de los Muertos cannot replace grief, it can be a healthy way for people to mourn and process the death of their loved ones. While losing a loved one can result in overwhelming feelings, this holiday can serve as a time of remembrance and a reminder that you are not alone in your grief. 

What is grief?

Grief is a feeling that involves coping with loss. Grief often occurs for a number of reasons, including the loss of stability, security, or a community or after a death. In addition, this state accompanies many symptoms, including emotional symptoms like sadness, anger, and joy, that come in waves. People can also experience periods of detachment, where it seems they are running on autopilot. Physical symptoms are common, too, including fatigue, headaches, nausea, heart palpitations, changes in appetite, and trouble sleeping. 

How to manage grief

Coping with grief can be challenging, and it can take time. Consider the following strategies to get started:  

• Practice self-care: Make caring for yourself a priority. Aim for seven to eight hours of sleep every night, exercise regularly, and eat regular, nourishing meals. 
• Relax: Participate in relaxing activities like yoga, meditation, bubble baths, or nature walks.
• Don’t ignore your emotions: It can be tempting to stay busy to push through complicated feelings, but learning how to manage them can be more beneficial. It is okay to cry when you feel sad or smile when you have a happy memory. You can also try expressing your grief in a way that works for you, like writing in a journal, creating art, or telling stories.
• Reach out to your support system: Spend time with loved ones to remind yourself of the people still in your life. You may also speak to a therapist if your grief is preventing you from living your life.

When grief doesn’t go away

Everyone manages grief differently, but some people experience ongoing, persistent grief that affects their ability to function in a way that typical grieving doesn’t. Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder include the following: 

• Identity disruption
• Emotional numbness
• Intense emotional pain
• Intense loneliness

To be diagnosed with prolonged grief, symptoms have to last at least a year for adults and at least six months for children. As much as 10% of adults experience prolonged grief. A therapist can be a helpful support option for coping with grief.  

You don’t have to work through grief alone

Get support from a therapist

Get support managing grief

If you are experiencing prolonged grief or symptoms of depression, a substance use disorder, or other mental health challenges as a result of grief, seeking professional help may be recommended. Working with a therapist or grief counselor allows you to prioritize yourself and have a safe space to talk about how you feel. In therapy, you can learn strategies for coping with your loss so you can begin to heal. 

Whether you’re having a difficult time just getting out of bed or don’t have the time to commute to an in-person appointment, online therapy can be an effective, flexible way to get the support you need from the comfort of your home. With an online platform like BetterHelp, you only need a computer, smartphone, or other personal device and an internet connection. Many people can be matched with an available provider in as little as 48 hours of signing up. 

A growing body of research has found that online therapy is effective. For example, one study found that it reduced prolonged grief, post-traumatic stress, and depression symptoms, concluding that it “appears a promising treatment for traumatically bereaved adults.”

Takeaway

Día de los Muertos is a day to not only honor the lives of those you have lost but also to acknowledge that death is a part of life that all people will face, regardless of who we are. However, knowing death exists doesn’t necessarily make the loss of a loved one any easier. If you want support while you work through your grief, online therapy can be an effective, flexible option.