Neurodiversity Masking: Why People Mask, And How To Be Your Authentic Self

In general, “masking” is a term used by the neurodivergent community to describe behaviors and habits that one forms over a lifetime to "hide" neurodivergent behaviors, traits, desires, and accessibility needs. Some people may mask themselves as a form of protection from social ostracization, while others may do it because they feel different from those they love and desire to fit in. Regardless of the reason someone chooses to mask, masking can negatively affect mental health in the long term. Finding ways to reduce these behaviors may help neurodivergent individuals move forward more authentically in life. A licensed therapist, whether in person or online, can help individuals embrace their true selves.

What is neurodiversity? 

Neurodivergence generally refers to those with differences in brain function and behavior. This term is typically used to refer to those with a few particular diagnostic labels or identities.

Conditions involving neurodivergence

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) 

Autism spectrum disorder exists on a spectrum and differs depending on the individual and circumstances. ASD typically involves what is called “autistic masking”. These can be either conscious or subconscious behaviors to suppress neurodivergent behaviors that may be displayed by those with ASD, such as stimming, to “fit in” more with society.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) 

Individuals with ADHD can face different challenges in society. Some with ADHD may have trouble completing tasks and projects for work or school, focusing on and remembering some conversations may be difficult, others may experience difficulty holding still for long periods of time, and may lose interest in tasks and activities easily. As with the rest of this list, ADHD exists on a spectrum and is an individual experience.

Learning disorders like dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia, or dysphonia

Learning disorders present unique challenges for the individuals living with them. Traditional educational settings and techniques (such as standardized memorization and testing) is not effective for many neurodiverse individuals, as they do not take into account the unique skills, interests, or methods of learning that would be more beneficial for those with increased neurodiversity. For example, individuals with dyslexia typically have trouble with reading letters and numbers due to differences in the language center of the brain. This does not mean that those with dyslexia or other learning disorders are not intelligent, valuable, worthy, or capable, but rather that their brains process information differently.

Tourette’s syndrome (TS)

Tourette’s syndrome is a complex neurological and psychological condition that impacts one’s motor skills. Individuals with TS can often experience difficulty completing everyday tasks due to the adverse impacts to their motor functioning. For example, those with TS may experience verbal tics (such as repeating words, phrases, or sounds) or motor tics (such as excessive tapping, jerking limbs, or blinking). 

Human Rights Research explains it as such: “...try putting that carton back in the fridge without wanting to throw it across the room, bang it three times on the table, or just stop moving halfway between the table and fridge because of excessive blinking. All three of these examples are tedious, yes, but amplify that with just about any task.”

Synesthesia 

Synesthesia is a neurological condition that causes sensory input to be routed by the brain to unrelated senses, resulting in multiple sensory experiences at once. It can be difficult to conceptualize if you’ve not experienced it yourself, but examples include tasting colors, hearing smells, or linking certain numbers or letters with particular sounds or colors, and so on. 

Is neurodivergence considered mental illness?

Neurodivergence is not usually seen as a mental illness and can be considered a variation in what it means to be human. As these conditions generally cannot be "cured" and are not necessarily harmful, people in the neurodivergent community often believe that being neurodivergent does not make you "ill" or require a "cure." 

Some people believe that the distressing or difficult symptoms they experience would not be present if proper accommodations and a lack of pressure to mask were a reality. They may believe that their distress comes from being asked to perform in a way that neurotypical (non-neurodivergent) people are expected to perform. When someone is different in how they think, feel, and see the world, it can be challenging to conform without accommodations or support. 

Not everyone with one of the above diagnoses may relate to neurodivergence. Some people may believe that their condition is separate from themselves and see it as a disability. Others may believe that being neurodivergent is an identity label and, therefore, part of their complete identity. 

When considering your identity, it can be best to choose a label that increases your comfort and try to refrain from telling others in the neurodivergent community how they should feel or what terminology they should use for themselves.  

What is neurodiversity masking? 

Masking can be defined as a behavior some neurodivergent people adopt to hide symptoms or behaviors that are part of who they are. For example, an Autistic adult may mask by memorizing a social script to repeat when others make small talk with them. They may push themselves to make eye contact, remain still, and avoid discussing their interests in detail. 

People with autism, masking, and eye contact

Although these behaviors may be seen as socially acceptable and healthy to others, they can hide neurodivergent individuals' true selves and authenticity. In addition, masking behaviors and forced eye contact have been scientifically associated with decreased brain processing and increased distress for Autistic people. 

Masking often occurs in professional environments to conform to company rules and reduce the chances of being fired for being "different" or acting outside the norm. It can be seen as a coping mechanism that may lead to severe autistic burnout and exhaustion over time. 

Why mask? Mental health, neurotypical pressure, autism, and more

There may be several reasons people mask as a coping strategy, including but not limited to the following. 

Protection from bullying and social shame

Masking can develop as a protection measure. Neurodivergent children and teens tend to be bullied significantly more often than their peers. One study by the Kennedy Krieger Institute found that 63% of Autistic children in the study had been bullied at school for their autistic traits. The study also found that children who were bullied tended to be more likely to experience autistic "meltdowns" or shutdowns at school due to how they were treated. 

To avoid bullying and further social ostracization, some Autistic and other neurodivergent children develop defense mechanisms like masking. Although not all neurodivergent people mask, those who do may hide their personality traits and sensory challenges and attempt to mimic neurotypical people's behaviors, facial expressions, and speech patterns.

Parental pressure to be neurotypical

Some neurodivergent folks grow up with neurotypical parents who pressure them to act neurotypically or tell them that their behaviors and identity are "unhealthy" or wrong. These messages can cause neurodivergent people to believe that they are different, unlovable, and strange to other people. 

When one's parents see a neurodivergent identity as a disease or something to "train" out of someone, it can lead a person to believe that their identity is flawed and cannot or should not be shared with others. 

To succeed in professional environments

Masking in neurodivergent adults may occur to succeed in a professional environment. Some workplaces may not initially accommodate or understand neurodivergent challenges due to misunderstandings, stigmas, and harmful stereotypes surrounding these behaviors. 

Individuals may make up for this factor by pretending to be neurotypical, partaking in small talk when needed, and trying to avoid situations where they may be perceived as "different" or "weird." Some people may need help in social jobs where they must constantly interact with customers, which can lead to burnout. 

In addition, some neurodivergent individuals struggle with authority and taking directions. To gain clarity and understanding at work, they may ask lots of questions or try to communicate directly and in detail about work requirements, potentially leading to management perceiving them as "argumentative" or "antisocial." These communication differences may lead to neurodivergent people fearing being fired or receiving disciplinary action if they don't mask.

To make friends

It can be challenging to make friends with neurotypical people as a neurodivergent individual. One study found that autistic people were usually more likely to interact successfully and form friendships with other Autistic and neurodivergent people than with neurotypical people. 

In addition, the study found that people with ASD typically communicated with other Autistic people at the same level and efficiency as neurotypical people communicate with other neurotypical people, which may challenge the belief that ASD is primarily associated with poor social skills all-around. 

It may be more accurate to state that people with ASD experience difficulties communicating with neurotypical people and those who do not understand or accommodate them. For this reason, they may mask when trying to make friends with neurotypical people. 

How to “take off the mask” 

Unmasking can be uncomfortable and difficult for someone who has masked their whole life or for a significant time. It may seem like part of your personality, and it may take time to find out who you are without it. Below are a few ways to start unmasking, one step at a time. 

Find friends who understand you 

As the above study states, neurodivergent people often connect best with other neurodivergent people. Making friends with those who understand you, accept you, and are easy to talk to can be beneficial. To find other neurodivergent friends, consider the following: 

• Attend a neurodivergent meetup or support group in your area
• Attend a therapy group for people with your identity 
• Talk to people who intentionally strive to help you feel comfortable and safe
• Look for friends who don't turn away from you when you're yourself 
• Connect with neurodivergent colleagues at work

Although it can be common and healthy to have friendships with neurotypical people, it may also be helpful to have a community where you believe you belong. 

Allow yourself to stim 

"Stimming," or self-stimulation, can be defined as the act of performing behaviors that calm your senses and help you cope with sensory overload or challenges. It can involve repetitive physical movements, like flapping your hands in excitement or spinning. Other forms of stimming can include: 

• Tapping, moving parts of your body repetitively, or using a fidget toy
• Doodling while talking or listening to someone to concentrate 
• Repeating words or phrases to yourself
• Rocking back and forth
• Chewing 
• Twirling your hair 
• Blinking repeatedly or staring at visually stimulating objects, like a lava lamp 
• Walking 
• Using a hammock or enclosed hanging fabric, lying on the floor, or sitting in a closed, dark space to calm yourself

It can be helpful to know that some forms of stimming may be unhealthy and lead to self-harm, like scratching, skin picking, banging of the head, and other physically harmful behaviors. These stims may be replaced by accommodating yourself. 

If you're looking for pressure on your head, you might press your head into a memory foam pillow. If you're looking to pick your skin, you might buy a fidget toy to pick material out of a rock or fake skin for a similar sensation. 

Stimming can be essential for many neurodivergent people, as it generally allows them to reduce stress. One study found that stimming could be one of the most effective stress relief strategies for Autistic adults. Participants said holding back stimming felt like "holding back something [important] you need to say." 

Accommodate yourself instead of using neurodiversity masking

People may develop beliefs about what constitutes "the right way" to act. For example, you may be taught from a young age to fold your clothes and neatly put them away into a dresser. For people with conditions like ADHD, organization can be complex and may not make sense. 

In this example, someone with ADHD or neurodivergence might accommodate themselves by buying bins into which they can put their clothes without folding them. You might label the containers with the type of clothing inside and pull out the clothes you want each day. Having unfolded clothes may seem messy, but there can be ways to make the challenges of laundry and clean clothes simpler. Other ways to accommodate yourself could include the following: 

• Ask for a flexible schedule at work 
• Take five-minute breaks after every hour of work if you are your own boss
• Use a fidget toy while working at your desk 
• Take shortcuts during chores 
• Set multiple alarms or calendar notifications throughout the day for minor tasks that you might forget 
• Take breaks from social interactions when you need to and return when you're ready
• Break tasks down into the smallest steps possible before starting, then follow a list 
• Bring a small bag of fidget items in case you experience sensory overload outside of the house 
• If you hang out with a friend, agree on an end time to leave without pressure

Find a job that fits your unique skills and passions

Some people with neurodivergence may have passions and interests on which they fixate. These passions can differ from person to person but may bring enjoyment, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives. For example, one person might dedicate their time to learning about marine biology, while another might focus on cat breeds and training. 

Someone passionate about marine biology might be equipped for a career at an aquarium, whereas someone interested in cats might enjoy working at an animal shelter. Finding a job that enables you to interact with your passions can help you stay focused, motivated, and happy at work. In addition, your passion for the job may help you perform effectively and get promotions. 

If you resist authority, dislike customer service, or prefer not to work in an in-person setting, you could also try a remote job like freelance work, contracting, or remote support. Being your own boss can offer time to accommodate your needs.

Unpack internalized ableism and judgment 

Some people with neurodivergent identities may experience internalized ableism, which can involve beliefs like, "I'm not enough" or, "At least I’m not as ‘bad’ as other neurodivergent people." These beliefs can cause you to reject parts of yourself that may have been present your whole life. Unpacking these beliefs can be difficult, but some individuals find relief by talking to a professional with experience in neurodivergence.

Benefits of online therapy 

Talking to a professional can be an effective way of reducing masking behaviors. If you struggle with the idea of commuting to a therapy appointment or adding another obligation to your day, you can try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. Online therapy typically offers clients the opportunity to attend therapy from home, which may be comforting for someone who doesn't like new environments. In addition, clients can choose between phone, video, or online chat sessions, empowering those with social anxiety to talk over a chat or decide not to show their faces during sessions. 

Effectiveness of online therapy for neurodiversity and masking

Studies have also backed up the effectiveness of online therapy. One study found that an internet-based intervention for Autistic adults could effectively reduce distress. Participants usually appreciated the convenience and independence of sessions and felt safe and relaxed when talking over online chat with their therapist. The study researchers concluded that online therapy could empower Autistic adults to save social energy and receive support. 

Takeaway 

Masking can be challenging to overcome, but there may be ways to start accommodating yourself to become the most authentic version of who you are. You might start by finding friends who understand you, finding a suitable job, and unpacking internalized ableism and judgment. If you’d like further support and guidance in this area, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional in person or online. You're not alone, and neurodivergent-informed professionals are available to support you.