Transgender Day of Remembrance: Offering Support And Working Through Grief

Many people have lost friends and loved ones as a result of violence against transgender individuals, and many trans people live in fear of hate crimes and harm. Transgender Day of Remembrance is an opportunity to pay tribute to these lives and draw attention to the violence aimed at this community. In addition, this day can highlight resources that may support trans people and the LGBTQ+ community in making positive differences in the US. Below, explore ways to celebrate this day, honor the memory of those who have passed, and find ways to get support. 

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What is Transgender Day of Remembrance?

Transgender Day of Remembrance is observed annually on November 20th, honoring the memory of the lives that were lost as a result of anti-transgender violence. Between 2017 and 2021, the number of people who were murdered in the trans community doubled. Transgender Day of Remembrance Day is the last day of Transgender Awareness Week, a week designed to raise visibility for the various issues the transgender community faces.

History of Transgender Day of Remembrance

Countering the negativity around the transgender community 

One of the primary purposes of Transgender Day of Remembrance and Transgender Awareness Week is to counter the negativity and misunderstanding about trans folks. Below are common myths and truths about the trans community.

Myth: Being transgender is just a trend

Truth: Being transgender is not a new phenomenon, and it’s not a trend. There is evidence of trans people going back as far as ancient Mesopotamia. In the present, the visibility of trans women and men has increased dramatically, with more transgender people being able to live openly due to more protections than in the past. However, these protections are being taken away, causing some trans people to fear for their ability to be seen. 

Myth: Children are too young to transition to another gender

Truth: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the largest professional association of pediatricians in the United States, recommends that “youth who identify as TGD have access to comprehensive, gender-affirming, and developmentally appropriate health care.” 

The AAP has developed a protocol for how to support transgender children, which includes using the same medications that have been used to delay central precocious puberty (puberty that starts before the age of eight in girls and nine in boys) since the 1980s. These treatments are reversible; normal puberty resumes when the medication is stopped. Cross-sex hormone therapy is generally not started until early adolescence. In addition, gender-affirming surgeries and hormones are typically not offered to children. 

Myth: Many people who transition regret it and eventually retransition

Truth: Detransition is uncommon. Some studies have found that around 13.1% of trans people detransition. Most people do so because of external factors, like difficulty getting a job, non-affirming work and school environments, and harassment, not because of regret. 

Around 1% of trans people regret getting gender-affirming surgery, which is a low regret rate compared to other types of surgery, which can have high regret rates, such as knee replacement surgery, with a regret rate of 20%.

Violence against transgender people

Quantifying the amount of violence against the trans community can be challenging because data collection can be unreliable and incomplete. Even cases of fatal violence do not get much media coverage, and many crimes against transgender women and men go unreported. That said, violence against the trans community is nothing new. Below, explore the history of these occurrences that led to the creation of Transgender Day of Remembrance. 

Historical violence

The pioneers of gender-affirming care were German physicians. In the 1920s, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld led the first formal studies of gender dysphoria. Hirschfeld advocated for marginalized communities and conducted groundbreaking work, challenging the perspective of gender and sexuality. 

Hirschfeld and his colleagues faced opposition from the conservative elements, who accused them of undermining traditional values. They became a target of the Nazi Party, which was beginning to rise in power and influence. In 1933, Nazis raided Hirschfeld’s institute, destroying his research. Once the Nazi national coalition gained power, they continued to target trans people, arresting them and sending them to concentration camps. 

The treatment of transgender people today

As stated in Harvard Public Health, “Gender-affirming care is the treatment gold standard for gender dysphoria. It has been endorsed by every major medical association in the U.S., including the American Medical Association, World Professional Association for Transgender Health, American Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, and the Endocrine Society.”

Despite these endorsements and the Trans Lives Matter movement of recent years, violence against trans people continues to increase. Research shows that over 84% of transgender violence was against people of color, with more than 66.6% identified as Black. Most survivors or people murdered are women, and some are sex workers. Two-thirds of transgender people who are killed are killed with a gun.

Understanding the community: Statistics about transgender people

Reducing stigma can start with gender education. Below are statistics on the transgender community: 

• According to the 2022 U.S. Transgender Survey, 47% of respondents thought about moving to a new state because of legislation targeting trans people for unequal treatment.
• In 2023, the Human Rights Campaign declared a National State of Emergency for LGBTQ+ Americans in response to the over 550 anti-LGBTQ+ bills introduced across the country.
• About 29% of trans adults live in poverty.
• It’s estimated that 1.6 million people in the U.S. ages 13 and older identify as transgender.

What is gender?

Gender refers to the socially constructed characteristics of men, women, boys, and girls, including what is considered “normal” behavior, appearance, and roles. Ideas about gender are different in every culture. Sex refers to a person’s biological characteristics, including hormones, genitalia, and chromosomes. Sex is different from gender identity. For many people, sex and gender identity correspond; for some, they don’t.

What is transgender?

Transgender is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity does not correspond to their biological sex in some way. In some cultures and the past, trans people may have been called “transsexuals.” However, this term is often considered offensive in the US today. Some people are crossdressers who wear clothing that stereotypically is worn by another gender. However, crossdressers are not trans and are not part of the trans community unless they have a gender different from their assigned sex at birth. 

What is non-binary?

Some people may identify as non-binary, androgynous, genderqueer, gender fluid, or gender non-conforming. These identities mean that the person does not identify exclusively as a cisgender man or woman and may fall somewhere in between these categories or into a category that isn’t defined. There are many gender identities in existence, including those like agender, gender non-conforming, and demigirl or demiboy. All genders are unique. 

Celebrating Transgender Day of Remembrance

To celebrate Transgender Day of Remembrance, support the transgender community through the following tips. 

Supporting the transgender community

You can make efforts to support the trans community as an ally with the following tips: 

• Respect other people’s identities and realize that you don’t have to understand their identity to respect it. 
• Use language that transgender people or transgender students use themselves, including their names and pronouns. If you don’t know their pronouns, you can ask. If you mistakenly use the wrong pronouns, apologize and move on so as not to draw more attention.
• Educate yourself as much as possible about the history of the transgender movement, the violence against the community, and current attacks on transgender equality.
• Don’t ask intimate questions about someone’s transition. In addition, avoid asking questions about their birth name, any surgeries they’ve had, or any hormones they are taking.
• Avoiding compliments based on gender stereotypes, like, “You’re very handsome for someone who used to be a woman,” or “I would date you, even if you used to be a man.”
• Speak up. Correct people if they use the wrong pronouns or name for a transgender person and offer support when you witness discrimination.
• Join local activist groups and anti-violence programs.

Transgender mental health

People who are transgender face a wide range of mental health problems. Being transgender is not a mental illness, but many external factors can lead to ongoing mental health challenges for people in this community. Research has found that about a third of trans people experience depression and anxiety, and they are at elevated risk for suicide. One study found that 81% of transgender adults in the U.S. have thought about suicide, 42% have attempted it, and 56% have engaged in self-harm. These statistics are some of the highest suicide risk statistics in the world. 

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Getting mental health support

Trans-friendly therapy can help trans clients manage symptoms of anxiety or depression they may be facing and develop coping skills to work through external factors that may be contributing to them. A trans-friendly therapist can accept you as you are without trying to change you. They have often received special training about the unique challenges of this community and can offer non-judgmental care and support. 

Finding a trans-friendly therapist can be challenging, especially for those who live in rural areas or places where transphobia is more prevalent. Online therapy can be a suitable alternative as platforms like BetterHelp offer a wider pool of therapists than what you may be able to find locally. When you sign up, you can get matched with one of 30,000+ providers worldwide, in as little as 48 hours, and you can attend sessions from anywhere you have a reliable internet connection. Plus, research has found that online therapy is effective, with one meta-analysis concluding, “Live psychotherapy by video emerges not only as a popular and convenient choice but also one that is now upheld by meta-analytic evidence.”