9 Marriage Intimacy Exercises For A Deeper Connection

Many married couples find that life's demands create distance, making it difficult to stay connected over the long term. Rebuilding intimacy that has waned in a marriage requires effort and intention, but it is possible—especially with the right tools. If you’re looking to renew or cultivate a strong connection in your marriage, you might consider some of the intimacy exercises shared below.

Defining intimacy in a marriage

Intimacy in a romantic relationship refers to the deep bond that partners build through shared experiences and vulnerability. There are several types of intimacy, including but not limited to the following:

• Emotional intimacy involves sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner. It builds an emotional connection and strengthens trust.
• Physical intimacy is not just about sex; it includes all kinds of consensual, mutual physical touch that promote a sense of closeness, like holding hands or hugging.
• Sexual intimacy is a type of physical intimacy that involves consensual sexual activities between partners, typically with a focus on mutual satisfaction and open communication about sexual desires.
• Intellectual intimacy can be built when partners share their ideas, opinions, and thoughts and have meaningful conversations that stimulate their minds.

Strengthening each of these types of intimacy may lead to a more fulfilling relationship. Knowing how to build each one may help couples connect on multiple levels.

Potential causes of intimacy challenges in relationships

Many couples experience obstacles that can hinder intimacy. These challenges can range from having different intimacy needs to external pressures and more.

Different intimacy needs

Individuals may desire varying levels of emotional and physical closeness. For example, one partner might need more frequent physical touch or emotional reassurance than the other. Sexual drive can also differ widely from person to person. Particularly if they’re not communicated and discussed openly, these differences may lead to misunderstandings and a sense of rejection and distance.

Past trauma

Past traumatic experiences may affect a person's ability to form close connections. Events like childhood abuse or previous toxic relationships can carry forward into current connections. Past trauma—particularly when unaddressed—often manifests as problems with trust, anxiety, or an aversion to physical intimacy. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Emotional unavailability

Emotional unavailability refers to the difficulty some individuals have in expressing or understanding their own emotions. It might stem from upbringing, past experiences, or even certain personality traits. 

Physical distance or separation

Physical separation may strain intimacy. A lack of physical presence can lead to loneliness and detachment, whether due to work commitments, military service, or long-distance relationships. Regular, intentional communication through video calls, text messages, and visits may help bridge this gap.

Fear of vulnerability

Many people struggle with the fear of being vulnerable. Showing one's true self, including flaws and insecurities, can be scary. This fear may prevent individuals from opening up fully to their partner, creating barriers to intimacy. 

Lack of quality time together

Quality time is important for maintaining intimacy in romantic relationships. Busy schedules, work commitments, and household responsibilities can sometimes end up leaving little room for meaningful interactions. Consistently dedicating time to each other may help strengthen the relationship and reinforce intimacy.

Changes in physical attraction

Physical attraction might change over the course of a relationship. Aging, stress, and lifestyle changes can play a part as well. These changes can sometimes impact how partners perceive each other. 

Stress and external pressures

External pressures such as work stress, financial struggles, and family problems may take a toll on a relationship's intimacy level. These external factors may lead to irritability, distraction, and emotional exhaustion, making it harder to connect with a partner.

9 marriage intimacy exercises for couples

Building intimacy in a marriage may involve both emotional and physical exercises. Couples can strengthen their connection through intentional actions that promote emotional closeness and physical touch, such as the following.

1. Practice eye contact to build intimacy

Maintaining eye contact may be a powerful way to build intimacy. Couples can try the soul gaze exercise, which involves facing each other, holding hands, and keeping uninterrupted eye contact for four to five minutes. This activity may improve emotional intimacy and closeness, helping partners feel more connected. 

2. Have regular check-ins

Regular communication is key to emotional intimacy. Couples can set aside time each day or each week to talk about their emotions, discuss their day, and address any concerns. These check-ins should be free from distractions and allow both partners to express themselves openly. This practice may help build a strong emotional bond, facilitate more open communication, and ensure that both partners remain connected.

3. Keep gratitude journals

Expressing gratitude may help improve a relationship. Each partner might keep a journal where they write down things they appreciate about each other. Sharing entries from these journals regularly may help improve emotional closeness and promote a more positive outlook on the relationship. This practice reminds couples of the good qualities in their partner and can help build intimacy by focusing on the positive aspects of their marriage.

4. Write love letters

Writing love letters is a timeless way to express deep feelings and appreciation. Couples can write letters to each other that express their love, admiration, and hopes for the future. These letters can be exchanged on special occasions or as a surprise. This exercise may help in articulating emotions that might be difficult to express verbally.

5. Schedule time for sex 

Physical touch is often important for emotional and physical connection, regardless of the sexual connection a couple may or may not have. Couples may want to schedule regular cuddle time, whether it’s at the end of the day or during a lazy weekend afternoon, and focus on small gestures like a touch on the shoulder or waist when walking by or a hug and a kiss when parting ways or before bed. Close physical contact can help partners feel safe, loved, and valued, increasing the sense of true intimacy in the relationship. 

6. Enjoy unplugged dinner dates

Having dinner without electronic distractions may help couples focus on each other. During these meals, partners can have deep conversations and enjoy each other's company. This practice may help strengthen emotional closeness and allow couples to reconnect on a deeper level. 

7. Exchange massages

Massages are another way to maintain physical touch and relieve stress. Couples can take turns giving each other massages, focusing on different areas of tension. This practice not only helps in relaxation but also promotes physical closeness and trust. 

8. Do couple's yoga

Practicing yoga together may be a positive, fulfilling activity. Couple's yoga involves poses that require cooperation and communication, which may help partners feel more in sync. By doing yoga together, couples may improve their physical health and emotional bond, creating a stronger relationship dynamic.

9. Compliment each other

Regularly complimenting each other may help boost self-esteem and emotional intimacy. Whether it’s praising your partner’s appearance, effort, or qualities, sincere compliments may help promote positive feelings and appreciation within the relationship. It can be a simple yet effective way to show love and increase the emotional closeness between partners.

The role of couples therapy in building intimacy

Couples therapy can be another helpful tool for building intimacy. Through guided exercises, couples can learn to communicate better and connect emotionally. Activities like sharing personal stories, discussing fears, and revealing dreams may help strengthen emotional bonds between partners during therapy. 

Other exercises for couples therapists may recommend

Physical touch exercises are another tool that may be used in therapy. Activities like cuddling, holding hands, or synchronized breathing may help boost physical intimacy. These exercises remind couples of their romantic connection and the importance of physical closeness.

Worksheets and structured tasks assigned by the therapist may also help couples work on their relationship outside of therapy sessions. These tools enable partners to practice what they’ve learned. Popular worksheet topics include communication skills, expressing gratitude, and setting relationship goals.

Are problems with intimacy affecting your mental health?

Seek help from an online therapist

Finding the couples therapist that’s right for you

For best results, it’s generally important to find a couples therapist that you and your partner both feel comfortable opening up to. It’s one reason many couples choose online therapy instead of traditional in-person sessions. Research suggests that this format may help couples feel less intimidated or judged and safer in opening up. Plus, with a platform like ReGain for couples or BetterHelp for individuals, you can switch therapists at any time, for any reason, at no additional cost until you find the right provider for you.