Deepen Your Connection With These Intimacy Exercises

In romantic relationships, having higher levels of intimacy may be linked to relationship satisfaction and improved mental health. Exploring several relationship and marriage intimacy exercises may help you and your partner strengthen your connection. If you’re interested in enhancing the intimacy of your relationship, the below exercises may be a useful place to start. 

What is intimacy?

Human beings naturally desire relationships with intimacy, a state of emotional, mental, and physical closeness. When you think about the bond you have with someone you love deeply, what makes it unique? Perhaps you are comfortable crying in front of this person, sharing your deepest secrets with them, or being physically affectionate with them. Maybe you know you are safe being completely yourself with them, making mistakes around them, or being honest when you disagree with them. These sensations are all examples of intimacy. 

Intimacy is a state of emotional, physical, and mental closeness. This closeness is what allows loved ones to be vulnerable and familiar with one another. According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, people in intimate relationships “reveal themselves to one another, care deeply about one another, and are comfortable in close proximity.” 

What are the different types of intimacy?

For some who hear the word “intimacy,” physical closeness might be what first comes to mind. While physical contact can be a form of intimacy, intimacy can take multiple forms. Some of the most common include physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, and mental intimacy. 

Physical intimacy

Physical intimacy describes physical closeness, touch, and connection. Sex can be a form of physical intimacy, but not all physical intimacy involves sex. Gestures like kissing, hugging, holding hands, and snuggling can all be valid ways to show physical affection. 

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the ability to trust your partner with your emotions. In an emotionally intimate relationship, you can be yourself and express your feelings (including negative ones) without worrying that your partner will judge or leave you. This flexibility may create a sense of safety and security in the relationship. 

Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual (or mental) intimacy is the ability to be honest about your thoughts and opinions. When you and your partner are mentally intimate, you can share your perspectives, learn new information, consider each other’s points of view, and have challenging conversations. Having high levels of mental intimacy can be helpful for managing conflicts and disagreements. 

Why is intimacy important in relationships?

Intimacy building exercises for couples, from eye contact to communication

Despite its potential benefits, you might not know how to build intimacy in your relationship. Intimacy-building exercises are one way to connect more deeply with your partner. These activities are designed to help romantic partners understand each other and grow together. Below, are some exercises you and your partner can utilize to build physical, emotional, and mental intimacy. 

Physical intimacy exercises for couples

Sexual intimacy can be a valid way to get closer to your partner. However, exploring other types of physical intimacy may help you form a deeper connection. The following exercises may help you and your partner strengthen your physical bond outside the bedroom.  

Snuggling

According to Penn Medicine, snuggling can reduce stress and boost emotional connection. If you aren’t regularly able to cuddle with your partner, try making a few minutes of cuddling part of your daily routine—for example, as part of your bedtime ritual. For added closeness, silence your phones beforehand to limit distractions. 

Massage

Exchanging massages with your partner may boost relaxation, reduce stress, and bring you closer together. Paying attention to your partner’s reactions may also help you learn more about their body and what they enjoy. Experiment with rubbing your partner’s back, shoulders, or neck, adjusting your pressure level based on how they respond. 

Fitness exercises for couples

Exercising with your partner can be another way to build trust, work toward a shared goal, and connect on a physical level. Consider setting aside one workout day per week to exercise as a couple. Focusing on workouts that involve physical contact, like dance, martial arts, and partner yoga, may improve your intimacy even more. 

Emotional intimacy exercises for couples

Emotional intimacy is often formed through trust and authenticity. The exercises in this section are designed to help you open up to your partner and be more vulnerable with them. This process might be uncomfortable initially. However, be as honest as you can about your feelings and thoughts during the exercises.  

Sustained eye contact

Set a timer for five minutes and practice holding your partner’s gaze. You can blink, but try not to talk or look away during the exercise. If you have trouble staying focused for five minutes, try starting with a single minute and gradually working up to longer durations. Pay attention to the emotions you feel as you watch your partner. When the timer goes off, take turns sharing what you noticed, thought, and felt. 

Sharing vulnerabilities

For this exercise, write down three worries or insecurities you’re currently experiencing, and have your partner do the same. The topics you pick can be big or small but aim to pick topics you haven’t discussed with your partner before. Next, write a quick reflection on how sharing these topics with your partner makes you feel. Share your list with your partner, listen as they share theirs, and then write another brief reflection about how you feel now. 

Checking in

Set a monthly or yearly date to sit down with your partner and discuss your relationship openly. Be upfront about how you feel, including any concerns you might have, and ensure your partner is safe to do the same. These regular check-ins can help you and your partner stay emotionally aligned and become aware of issues early on. 

Mental intimacy exercises for couples

Building mental intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to be mentally demanding. However, couples may still benefit from exercises encouraging them to explore new ways of thinking. The activities in this section may help you and your partner venture out of your intellectual comfort zones.

Distraction-free communication

Set aside time weekly to talk to your partner without phones, social media, or other distractions. As long as you aren't likely to be interrupted, you can have this conversation over a meal, before bed, or during your free time. The topics you discuss are entirely up to you but aim to ask each other open-ended questions, maintain eye contact, and practice active listening. 

Book, movie, and TV show discussions

Book clubs and movie meetups can be for couples, too. Pick a movie, TV show, or book you’re passionate about each month and have your partner do the same. Read or watch each other’s picks, then schedule a time to discuss them together. Reflect on what you liked or didn’t like, what you learned, what surprised you, or what inspired you, and see where the discussion takes you. 

Couples learning

Pick a time each month to learn a new skill with your partner. For example, you might try taking a cooking class, following an online tutorial together, or going on a date to a museum. For added closeness, choose an activity that lets you have meaningful discussions with your partner, like joining a debate club or taking a philosophy class. 

Building intimacy through couples therapy

The exercises in this article may be a helpful starting point for building intimacy with your partner. However, those with extensive intimacy issues may also consider other resources. If you and your partner struggle to be vulnerable or feel secure in your relationship, consider working with a therapist. Relationship therapy may help you identify the causes of intimacy challenges, find solutions that benefit both partners, and improve your overall relationship health. A relationship therapist may also be able to suggest more personalized intimacy exercises for you and your partner to try. 

Get intimacy exercise recommendations from an expert

Chat with a licensed counselor

What if I want more than intimacy exercises, but I am self-conscious about going to couples therapy? 

Discussing intimacy with a therapist can be a highly personal experience, especially as you’re first getting started. However, having a counselor you are comfortable with may make couples therapy less intimidating. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp (for individuals) and Regain (for couples) can match you with a licensed therapist based on your unique needs. You can change therapists whenever you want, for any reason, at no extra cost. In addition, online therapy may be more discreet, as you can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions. 

Studies have found that online relationship therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy. In a 2021 study, 30 couples received face-to-face or online therapy sessions. Both groups saw similar improvements in their relationship satisfaction.