Emotional Intimacy Examples: What Can Closeness Look Like?
When you think of intimacy in a relationship, physical intimacy might come to mind. However, emotional intimacy—a state of emotional closeness and trust—may also play a role in healthy relationships. Signs of closeness may include authenticity, quality time spent together, and emotional support. Meanwhile, a lack of emotional intimacy may be seen through conflict avoidance, a lack of empathy, and jealousy. Working with a licensed couples therapist may help you and your partner foster enhanced emotional intimacy.
What is intimacy?
When you care deeply about someone, you might sense that you are close to them in a way that you aren’t with other people. For example, you might be comfortable sharing deep secrets with them, turning to them for support, and sharing your physical space with them. This sense of closeness is often called “intimacy.” According to the National Council on Aging, human beings typically have a natural desire for intimacy in relationships.
Sex versus feelings: What’s the difference between emotional and physical intimacy?
Intimacy can take several forms. Of these, physical intimacy is perhaps the most well-known. Physical intimacy generally involves touch, sex, and other forms of physical closeness. However, some forms of intimacy involve more than just physical connection.
Why is emotional intimacy important in relationships?
Emotional intimacy can be a key aspect of a healthy relationship. Being emotionally connected may help you and your partner experience a sense of safety, manage challenges together, and understand each other better. Research shows that emotional intimacy may play a greater role in relationship outcomes than sexual intimacy. In a 2018 study, researchers found that, for both men and women, having a partner who was emotionally unavailable was more likely to lead to a breakup than having a partner who was sexually unavailable.
Why is emotional intimacy important for mental health?
Emotional closeness may affect more than just the health of a relationship; it may also influence mental health. In a 2022 review, researchers analyzed data from 43 studies of close friendships and mental health. They found that friendships with high levels of trust, closeness, and intimacy were usually associated with higher overall well-being. In romantic relationships specifically, having a strong emotional connection may also:
- Reduce loneliness, which has been linked to depression, anxiety, and substance use
- Improve self-esteem, which may lower the risk of anxiety, depression, and attention problems
- Lower stress levels by encouraging healthy communication and conflict resolution
- Help partners better support each other’s mental health
What can an emotionally intimate relationship look like?
For all its potential benefits, you may still wonder what emotional intimacy actually looks like in a relationship. In this section, we’ll explore common examples of emotional intimacy between romantic partners. If you notice these features in your relationship, you and your partner may have an emotionally intimate connection.
Emotional intimacy through authenticity
Authenticity can be defined as the ability to be yourself in your relationship without worrying that your partner will judge you negatively. This openness can contribute to emotional intimacy and may be linked to positive relationship outcomes. In a romantic relationship, authenticity might mean:
- Being comfortable with sharing your innermost feelings and fears with your partner
- Being comfortable with showing negative emotions in front of your partner
- Being honest about your thoughts and opinions, even when they’re different from your partner’s
- Taking responsibility for your mistakes
- Acting in a way that’s true to your inner self, rather than how you think you “should” act around your partner
Quality time
The Cambridge Dictionary defines quality time as “time you spend with someone, giving them your full attention because you value the relationship.” In a romantic relationship, spending quality time together is often the first step toward building emotional intimacy. Quality time with your partner might look like the following:
- Going on regular dates
- Working together on projects around the house
- Celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays together
- Sharing hobbies
- Setting aside time for meaningful conversations
- Exercising together
- Going on trips together
Emotional and mental health support
Emotional support usually involves words and actions that lead a person to believe they are valued, loved, and supported, which may have positive effects on their mental health. According to the Berkeley Wellbeing Institute, receiving emotional support can improve people’s ability to manage stress, challenges, and even pain. In a relationship, you might provide emotional support to your partner by:
- Validating their feelings
- Supporting their goals
- Checking in with them about how they feel
- Being considerate of any mental health challenges they may face
- Supporting them when they encounter challenges and offering solutions when appropriate
- Actively listening during conversations, rather than just waiting for a chance to speak
Boundaries as part of an emotionally intimate relationship
Boundaries can be described as people’s personal limits about what they will and will not tolerate. Setting boundaries in your relationship—and respecting your partner’s boundaries—may help you both sense you are heard, safe, and respected, forming the foundation of emotional intimacy. Honoring boundaries in a relationship might involve the following:
- Respecting each other’s comfort
- Avoiding swearing and name-calling during arguments
- Letting each other have time alone or with friends
- Making sure sex is always consensual
- Respecting each other’s physical space
- Setting expectations about chores, spending, and other aspects of daily life
What does a lack of emotional intimacy look like?
Knowing what emotional intimacy looks like can be useful in relationships, but you may also want to understand how a relationship without emotional intimacy can look. In this section, we’ll review common signs of a lack of emotional intimacy. If you notice any of these patterns, you may want to consider making changes in your relationship.
Conflict avoidance
Disagreements, arguments, and tough decisions can be a normal part of healthy relationships. Emotional intimacy is often what allows couples to resolve these conflicts in a healthy way. If you frequently avoid hard conversations with your partner because you’re worried about how they will react, this may be a sign that you aren’t emotionally secure in the relationship.
A lack of empathy
Empathy can be defined as the ability to pick up on someone else’s feelings and see situations from their perspective. Practicing empathy may help partners build emotional intimacy, while refusing to show empathy may create emotional distance. A lack of empathy in a relationship might look like:
- Refusing to apologize for hurtful actions
- Not being mindful of your partner’s emotions
- Always putting your own needs ahead of your partner’s
- Refusing to offer emotional support when your partner needs it
Feelings of jealousy
Jealousy can be a response to insecurity or fear. If you often sense you are possessive of your partner, this may be a sign that you lack confidence in your relationship. These feelings could stem from a lack of emotional intimacy, which may make it harder to trust that your partner will remain faithful.
A drop in physical intimacy or other changes in your sex life
As we discussed earlier, emotional intimacy does not always involve physical intimacy, and different couples may have different sexual needs. However, studies show that sexual intimacy may be related to the level of emotional intimacy in a relationship. If you notice a major change in your sex life, this may be a sign of emotional distance.
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Get help becoming more emotionally intimate
Strengthening emotional intimacy in your relationship might seem challenging, especially if you aren’t sure what concrete steps to take. A therapist may be able to provide insights into your relationship, as well as actionable advice for developing a deeper connection. Therapy may also be a useful resource if you’ve noticed yourself or your romantic partner growing emotionally distant.
That said, it may not always be easy to find a relationship therapist with whom you are comfortable. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp (for individuals) and Regain (for couples) let you change therapists at any time, for any reason, at no additional cost. This flexibility may make it easier to find the right therapist for you and your partner.
Research has found that online couples therapy may have similar benefits to in-person therapy. A 2021 study of 30 couples compared the effects of online and in-person relationship therapy. Researchers found that both forms of therapy typically led to improvements in relationship satisfaction and mental health.
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