Examples Of Intimacy In Healthy Relationships
Intimacy can be thought of as a sense of closeness between two people in a relationship. It generally builds over time as two people get to know each other and become more comfortable together. Intimacy can occur in any relationship, though it tends to be most frequently discussed in the context of intimate relationships. Common types of intimacy include physical, emotional, sexual, experiential, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy. If you’re having trouble with any of these forms of intimacy in your relationship, consider reaching out to a licensed couples therapist for support and guidance.
Intimacy is more than sex
Physical intimacy
Physical intimacy generally refers to any type of touch or physical closeness, including hugging, cuddling, kissing, spooning, and holding hands. Significant research has been done on the benefits of touch and physical contact. For example, touch typically releases oxytocin (sometimes called the “love hormone”).
Studies have found that oxytocin can reduce stress and anxiety and boost trust, empathy, and eye contact. It may also heighten the availability of positive memories. These results of oxytocin can lead to increased cooperation, approachability, and understanding, all of which may be considered signs of a healthy relationship.
How to improve physical intimacy
To build physical intimacy with your partner, try showing more physical affection in the form of hugs, cuddling, and holding hands.
Sexual intimacy
Sexual intimacy typically occurs when two emotionally connected partners have sexual interactions of any kind. People can have intimacy without sex and sex without intimacy, but healthy romantic relationships often have a balance between sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy. Sexual intimacy may build trust and enhance the connection between people in a committed romantic relationship.
It can be important to remember that sexual intercourse may not always be present in romantic relationships. While sexual activity may be an essential part of some relationships, others may find more comfort and connection in other forms of connection. For example, people who identify as asexual may not have a sexual attraction to any gender, but they may have a romantic attraction to their partner and could enjoy other types of intimacy.
How to improve sexual intimacy
Communication can be an effective way to take steps toward improving sexual intimacy. Talk to your partner about your sexual likes and dislikes and ask them to share with you in return. Setting aside and prioritizing time for sexual intimacy can also be helpful.
Emotional intimacy
This type of intimacy normally occurs between people who trust one another enough to be honest and vulnerable, sharing their beliefs, thoughts, and feelings without fear of judgment. When you have emotional intimacy with someone, you may feel comfortable enough to open up about past traumas and challenges in your life, as well as your hopes, dreams, and fears.
How to improve emotional intimacy
Setting aside time to be together without expectations or pressure can encourage conversation and improve emotional intimacy. Learning active listening techniques can help you learn to be more present for your partner and improve communication.
Experiential intimacy
Experiential intimacy generally involves spending time together exploring common interests or trying new things. Sharing something you enjoy with a loved one can enhance your emotional connection, build trust, and offer a sense of closeness.
How to improve experiential intimacy
To build experiential intimacy, you might plan time for activities you both enjoy, such as hiking, biking, watching true crime documentaries, cooking, or gardening. You can also try new experiences together, like heading to a new hiking trail or taking a cooking class.
Intellectual intimacy
Intellectual intimacy typically involves sharing thoughts, opinions, ideas, and things you’re interested in analyzing. Intellectual or mental intimacy can be similar to emotional intimacy, but instead of focusing on how each partner feels, it tends to focus on decisions, values, and ideas. Intellectual intimacy can improve respect in a relationship and help both partners sense they are safe and understood.
How to improve intellectual intimacy
To improve intellectual intimacy, you could discuss your core values and the experiences in your life that contribute to them, read a book together and discuss your thoughts, or choose a topic that interests you and learn about it together.
Spiritual intimacy
Spiritual intimacy can occur when people share their spiritual beliefs and practices with one another. When both partners sense they are free to talk about these things and offer non-judgmental support to each other, it can bring them closer together.
While spiritual intimacy can involve religious beliefs, it can also involve connections to nature, mindfulness practices, and some new-age practices, like astrology. Spirituality can mean different things to different people, but for some, it may focus on how they relate to the world around them.
Couples do not have to share all their beliefs to have spiritual intimacy. Mutual respect, open communication, and an interest in understanding their partner’s perspective can bring individuals closer together.
How to improve spiritual intimacy
To build spiritual intimacy, partners can pray or meditate, attend religious services, or engage in other spiritual practices together.
Improving intimacy to support your relationship health
Every relationship is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Therapy can support you in deepening the intimacy in your relationship, whether you need help learning how to communicate with your partner or figuring out which type of intimacy matters most to you. Online therapy can be a convenient, flexible option, whether you prefer one-on-one treatment or want to attend couples sessions together.
With an online platform like BetterHelp, you can meet with a qualified mental health professional from any location with a reliable internet connection at a time that works for your schedule. Most people are matched with a therapist within 48 hours of signing up, and you can switch providers at any time until you find one who works for you.
Research has found that online therapy can be an effective tool to help couples overcome relationship concerns. For example, a 2016 study found that online couples therapy “was effective in significantly improving both relationship and individual functioning.” In this study, couples who received online interventions also reported improvements in relationship satisfaction and relationship confidence, as well as improved individual symptoms of anxiety and depression.
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