Exploring The Different Types Of Intimacy In A Relationship

Individuals in social and personal relationships may experience various types of intimacy. While the word intimacy may bring to mind the physical affection between romantic partners, people in relationships of all types may experience intimacy. Understanding the types of intimacy can help people in intimate relationships grow closer and strengthen their bond. 

Building an intimate relationship can take time. However, there are steps that people in romantic relationships and other connections can take to increase intimacy. In some cases, individuals might choose to work with a couples therapist or other mental health professional who can provide strategies for improving intimacy. Exploring the different types of intimacy in a relationship can be the first step to finding steps to strengthen and increase the connection you have with someone else.  

Understanding love and intimate feelings in romantic relationships 

Maintaining an intimate relationship may take self-reflection and practice from partners—understanding where the intimacy in your relationship is strong and areas for growth can be a first step. You might also benefit from cultivating an increased understanding of the type of intimacy your partner prefers. The types of intimacy people can experience vary widely, and your preference may not match the intimacy your partner desires. Additionally, targeting areas lacking intimacy may improve your overall connection as your relationship grows. 

Types of intimacy

There are different types of intimacy partners may experience throughout a relationship. Some intimate relationships may be strong in one or more areas, and others may involve growth areas. Types of intimacy may include the following. 

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is a type of intimacy that builds as two people become connected through sharing personal feelings or emotions. This could include developing and expressing empathy for one another and being willing to be vulnerable. Developing strong emotional intimacy may require a deep trust when with the other person that extends beyond what you may feel with other people. 

Physical intimacy

Physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, or giving a back rub, can be an example of physical intimacy. Romantic couples may use physical intimacy to show affection or the love that they feel for their partner. Physical intimacy is not necessarily sexual and may help one or both partners feel safe and cared for in a relationship. 

Sexual intimacy

When a couple is emotionally close and physically intimate, they may begin to experiment with sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy is a type of intimacy that involves sexual touching or intercourse with your partner that builds on your existing emotional connection. Some people may be sexually active without being sexually intimate because sexual activity and intimacy are different. 

Intellectual intimacy

Inspiring discussion or intellectual discourse can serve as a type of mental intimacy called intellectual intimacy. Couples who engage in intellectual intimacy may become close to one another by sharing ideas, thoughts, or philosophies about the world. In some cases, this idea may not be thoughts that they share publicly, reserving them for the safety and comfort of their intimate relationship. 

Spiritual intimacy

When two people share a sense of spirituality or religion, they may be brought closer through shared values and beliefs, a process called spiritual intimacy. With spiritual intimacy, partners may intentionally build a relationship with a God or spirit in addition to working on their relationship with one another. Couples with spiritual intimacy may use religious texts or theological ideas to guide their relationship. 

Experiential intimacy

As couples spend more time together, they may have unique experiences that bring them closer. These experiences build a type of intimacy called experiential intimacy. Experiences that may build experiential intimacy could include major life events, like the birth of a child or moving homes, or events like participating in a sport or hobby together. These experiences may require couples to work together to get through a challenge, which can enhance support and build trust. 

Other forms of intimacy

The list presented above may not be exhaustive, and other forms of intimacy may include: 

• Conflict intimacy: Becoming closer after experiencing a shared conflict
• Creative intimacy: An intimacy that occurs through creating a product or project together, like music or art
• Aesthetic intimacy: Seeing or experiencing an extraordinarily beautiful event together, such as a piece of art, a theatre production, or a concert

How are emotional intimacy and physical intimacy connected? 

The multiple types of intimacy may not occur independently, and increasing intimacy in one area may lead to an increase in others. For example, as couples become closer emotionally, their desire to show affection may increase. One way for a person to show their affection is through physical intimacy. As a couple becomes more emotionally intimate, they also may become more physically intimate. Contrarily, a couple who is practicing physical intimacy may feel safer and more comfortable with being vulnerable, which may increase emotional intimacy. 

Each type of intimacy can increase connection

The interconnectedness between intimacy types is not limited to emotional and physical intimacy. Experiencing a life-changing event, such as moving in with a partner, may increase emotional connection, which may impact physical intimacy. This situation would be an example of experiential intimacy impacting physical and emotional intimacy simultaneously. 

Intellectual intimacy, which often involves sharing ideas or philosophies, can also improve overall emotional intimacy. When you share your thoughts, you might experience a vulnerable moment. You and your partner may trust that the other will listen without judgment. This vulnerability can lead to emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy. 

Moving from intimate feelings to love

Over time, a couple might move from feeling and expressing intimacy to love, although love can coexist with intimacy and often does. Love is a neurological state of mind that can involve a complex interplay of chemicals that enhance the reward center of the brain. A combination of trust and belief in one another might occur for love to flourish, which can take time. Couples can engage in activities designed to move from a more casual relationship towards love, such as discussing hopes and dreams or intentionally building intimacy. 

The relationship between physical and sexual intimacy

Physical and sexual intimacy are not the same, although they may be closely related. Sexual intimacy could be considered a subset of physical intimacy because couples often engage in physical touch during sexual intimacy. During sexually intimate moments, the partner may be physically vulnerable, which may bring a sense of closeness or connection. 

While physical intimacy is typically thought of as a requirement for sexual intimacy, there is no one way to be intimate. Couples might engage in sexual intimacy without touching one another, and sexual intimacy might include longing for sexual contact with a partner or engaging in sexually intimate conversations. 

Stages of intimacy

Intimacy in couples may occur as a progression. However, there are no current widely accepted stages of intimacy. For some couples, the early stages of intimacy, no matter the type, may be based on effective and open communication. Communicating honestly with your partner can make it easier for you to advocate for what you want or need and for your partner to do the same. Doing so may make it easier to build intimacy. 

In addition to communication, the early stages of intimacy may involve a feeling-out period, where both people in a relationship discover the boundaries of trust and acceptance. As a relationship progresses, trust may be built, and intimacy could grow. During this process, conflicts or challenges may occur. Overcoming these challenges can also be a source of intimacy growth. 

Overcoming challenges with intimacy

Challenges may occur in any relationship, and understanding strategies for overcoming these challenges as they arise can be helpful for some couples. You may try practicing active listening and encouraging open communication when challenges happen. Active listening is a process where you listen to your partner to hear and validate their ideas and concerns without interrupting or thinking about your own response and opinion. 

Engaging in self-reflection can also be beneficial when overcoming intimacy challenges. Self-reflective practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or journaling can help you see where the concerns may lie and develop a plan to address them. After self-reflecting, consider sharing your thoughts and ideas with your partner or taking other steps to improve intimacy actively.  

Support for building each type of intimacy 

Building intimacy as a couple can be challenging. However, support options are available, and you are not alone. If you face barriers to finding support in your area, you might benefit from trying online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. 

With online therapy, you can attend sessions from anywhere with an internet connection, so your therapist does not need to be local. This convenience can increase flexibility and may ensure you and your partner find professional support that fits your needs. In addition, you can meet from two separate locations if you have a long-distance relationship or separate schedules. 

Online therapy has been shown to be an effective way for couples to increase intimacy and connectedness. During online therapy sessions, a licensed couples therapist may examine your relationship as a third party and make recommendations or suggestions based on what they see. In addition, they may guide couples through barriers like conflict or mental health conditions.