Forms Of Intimacy: The Ways Intimacy Can Develop In Personal Relationships

You may already have a preconceived notion of what intimacy is. Perhaps you think of intimacy as related only to sex, or as a word reserved for one’s closest relationships, like those with a romantic partner or best friend. However, there are many forms of intimacy, including physical, emotional, spiritual, experiential, intellectual, and sexual intimacy. Developing a fuller picture of the variety of ways intimacy can develop in your relationships can make them stronger. For further support in fostering intimacy with your loved ones, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist.

What does the word intimacy mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, intimacy can refer to “something of a personal nature,” “familiarity,” or “the state of being intimate.” Intimate can be further defined in relationships as “marked by a warm friendship developing through long association” or “engaged in, involving, or marked by sex or sexual relations.” 

Although the word “intimacy” in casual conversation is often used as a euphemism for sexual interactions, the word has many facets.

How we are using the word intimacy 

For the purposes of this article, “intimacy” may most closely match the Merriam-Webster definition of a warm friendship developed through long association. Intimacy may refer to any type of closeness and connection, often involving vulnerability and trust. Intimate relationships may or may not be romantic relationships. 

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy may be considered the most intense form of intimate relationship, as it usually involves sharing what many might think of as the highest level of vulnerability – a person’s emotions. 

Emotional intimacy often requires a high level of safety and comfort in a relationship, which may take years to build. To create emotional intimacy with someone, it is often necessary to pay attention to their emotional experience and make an effort to understand and affirm it.

Examples of emotional intimacy

• Talking about what you are afraid of, what gives you anxiety, what you are worried about, and what you are ashamed of – emotions and thoughts that can generally be labeled “uncomfortable”
• Talking about disruptions and stressors, like something that has gone wrong with school or with a job
• Talking about your hopes and dreams for the futur

Spiritual intimacy

Some people may automatically connect the concept of spiritual intimacy to the practice of a particular religion and assume that two people can’t be spiritually intimate unless they are religious or are both members of the same religion. However, spiritual intimacy can be any form of intimacy in which people engage in meaningful contemplation of something larger than themselves.

Examples of spiritual intimacy

• Making a pilgrimage together to a holy site associated with a particular religious practice
• Reading or studying a religious text together
• Attending formal religious services together at a synagogue, mosque, temple, church, or other location
• Talking about each other’s belief systems and values
• Having a profound moment together, like standing on the edge of the ocean or looking up at a clear night sky full of stars

Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual intimacy, also referred to as mental intimacy, can involve talking about thoughts and opinions, which, for some people, may provoke the same level of vulnerability as emotional intimacy. To engage in true intellectual intimacy, two people usually come to a stated or implicit agreement that they will respect the other person’s viewpoints and intelligence and that they will not allow the discussion to devolve into insults and dismissal, no matter how much the two may disagree.

Examples of intellectual intimacy

• Having deep conversations about philosophical concepts, like the meaning of life or how to define happiness
• Talking about the meaning behind books you have both read or a movie or show you have both seen
• Discussing politics and societal structures

Physical intimacy

While physical intimacy can involve sexual activity, it also includes any sort of physical contact or proximity that expresses closeness or affection.

Examples of physical intimacy

• Hugging
• Holding hands
• Fixing the other person’s clothes or hair
• Massages

Experiential intimacy

Experiential intimacy generally involves developing a connection through shared experiences. It can be one of the first forms of intimacy to develop, particularly in newer friendships and romantic relationships, and it can lead to other forms of intimacy.

Examples of experiential intimacy

• Participating in hobbies together, like hiking or playing sports
• Learning new things together, like how to cook
• Traveling together
• Attending events together, like plays or concerts

Sexual intimacy

Sexual intimacy may be what most people refer to when they use the word intimacy, but sexual intimacy can be about more than sexual contact. Sexual intimacy usually involves a combination of sexual activity and emotional connection. 

While sexual intimacy may be more common in committed romantic relationships, it can also occur in more casual settings. Still, it usually requires a certain level of trust and openness

Examples of sexual intimacy

• Kissing
• Touching another person in a sexual way
• Foreplay
• Oral sex
• Sexual intercourse

Are sexual intimacy and physical intimacy different types of intimacy?

Other types of intimacy

Other forms of intimacy that may be less discussed include conflict intimacy, creative intimacy, and aesthetic intimacy. 

• Conflict intimacy can be seen as the sense of comfort two people have when they know they can disagree without it negatively impacting their relationship.
• Creative intimacy typically occurs when two people work on creating something together, like a dance performance or art piece. It can also develop when cooking a meal together or deciding how you are going to decorate a shared space.
• Aesthetic intimacy can be considered a variant of experiential intimacy in which the experience involves appreciating beauty. It can include going to an art museum or hiking to the top of a mountain. 

Finding support in understanding intimacy

Intimacy and connection to others can be a crucial component of mental health. However, developing intimacy can be difficult. Some people may find it hard to forge meaningful connections with other people because of childhood trauma or past intimate relationships in which they were hurt. Speaking to a licensed therapist can be helpful in processing these concerns.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

It may be uncomfortable to talk about complications you are experiencing in your personal relationships. Sometimes, connecting with a therapist in an online format can remove some pressure. You can attend sessions from the location of your choice and choose between video, audio, and online chat for each online therapy session. 

Research has indicated that online therapy may be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy, including when addressing concerns related to relationships. One group of researchers found that when couples participated in therapy in an online setting, they typically reported similar rates of boosted intimacy and relationship satisfaction as those who attended in-person sessions.