How An Intimacy Coach Can Benefit Your Relationship

While some people might assume that an intimacy coach is another name for a sex therapist, this isn’t necessarily true. Consider the fact that the term “intimacy” itself doesn’t just refer to sexual contact, though that is one form. Instead, intimacy can be defined more generally as “the closeness that comes from deeply knowing and feeling safe with another person.” In a long-term romantic relationship, a couple is likely to have built various types of intimacy, such as emotional, physical, spiritual, and, in many but not all cases, sexual. Intimacy coaches, then, may help couples holistically address challenges in any of these areas.

About intimacy coaching

Various forms of intimacy may be important to a couple’s relationship, and each one may impact the others. That’s why intimacy coaches often take a broader approach to relationship challenges than, say, a sexual intimacy coach or therapist, who focus more specifically on one type of intimacy. 

So while sexual challenges may also be addressed in intimacy coaching, that’s not always the case—and if so, this may be done in a more holistic context. According to a 2018 study, intimacy coaching and training may help enhance physical health, mental health, quality of life, life satisfaction, and self-esteem.

A sex coach, on the other hand, tends to focus on helping clients achieve their goals by educating them about sexuality and pleasure, offering encouragement in exploring their desires, providing a safe space in which to speak openly about their sex-related concerns, and introducing body-based or somatic exercises. 

Concerns commonly addressed by intimacy coaches

Again, the role of an intimacy coach is often broader than the role of a sex coach or sex therapist. Intimacy coaches may provide any of the following types of support or services for couples, depending on their experience and specialization:

• Building or rebuilding trust
• Opening or broadening the lines of communication between partners
• Addressing infidelity and its impacts
• Facilitating premarital discussions
• Cultivating deeper emotional intimacy
• Setting boundaries around physical or sexual intimacy
• Discussing expectations around physical or sexual intimacy
• Maintaining or increasing emotional intimacy despite busy schedules or stressors
• Healing attachment wounds
• Addressing challenges stemming from trauma

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

These are just a few examples. Intimacy coaches are typically experienced in addressing a wide variety of different challenges that couples may be facing, so it may be worth setting up a consultation to see whether a particular provider might be right for you and your situation.

What to look for in an intimacy coach

When looking for an intimacy coach, the first step is usually to call or visit their website to see if they’re taking new clients. If so, it can then be important to verify whether they’re certified by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) or another certification provider. For example, if you're interested in working with a somatic coach to focus on physical intimacy, you may want to check whether they are certified by the Somatica Institute. 

Next, it may be helpful to schedule initial consultations with the providers you’re considering, whether via phone, via video call, or in person. Many coaches offer a trial consultation where you can learn about their approach, ask questions, and get a sense of their communication style. You can ask about their certifications and experience with clients in your situation as well. Also take note of how comfortable you feel around them, since this will be key to opening up to them in the coaching process. A good intimacy coach is usually approachable, empathetic, nonjudgmental, supportive, honest, compassionate, and knowledgeable. 

Simplifying the search for an intimacy coach

If you’re looking for a trained provider to speak with about challenges related to intimacy of any type in your relationship, you have options. While some people may prefer to meet with an intimacy coach or couples therapist in person, the online format might feel more comfortable to others. Plus, with a platform like BetterHelp (for individuals) or ReGain (for couples), you can get automatically matched with a licensed provider based on your answers to a brief questionnaire—no shopping around or comparing coaches required. You can also switch providers for any reason at any time as needed until you find the right fit for you.

According to a 2022 study, online couples therapy appears to be just as effective as in-person couples therapy for enhancing relationship satisfaction and individual mental health. It may also be easier to attend online appointments with regularity, since you can log on virtually from anywhere you have an internet connection rather than having to commute to an office each time.