How To Build Intimacy: Strategies To Develop Close Relationships
In general, relationships are an important part of overall well-being and satisfaction. Having close connections with other people can boost your mental health. However, it can sometimes be difficult to nurture intimacy in a romantic relationship. You may find it helpful to set aside time to ask your partner questions meant to foster emotional intimacy, as well as to intentionally incorporate more intimacy into sex. A licensed couples therapist can help you identify further strategies to cultivate intimacy in your relationship.
What is intimacy?
The word “intimacy” can mean different things to different people. Some people think of intimacy, especially in the context of a romantic relationship, as a euphemism for sex. However, intimacy can occur in any type of relationship. For instance, you can have intimate relationships with friends and family members.
Intimacy can refer to any form of closeness and human connection. There can be many forms of intimacy that are not related to a person’s sex life.
What is the relationship between intimacy and sex?
Although intimacy does not necessarily involve sex, the two concepts can be closely related. While intimacy may not always involve sex, sex generally involves intimacy, at least on a physical level.
In an intimate relationship, sex can be a way of expressing emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy, though this may not always be the case in more casual sexual partnerships. Even if a sexual relationship does not incorporate much intimacy beyond the physical realm, it can be important for people who are sexually intimate to understand and respect each other’s boundaries.
What are the differences between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy?
As referenced above, physically intimate situations do not always involve emotional intimacy, and vice versa. Understanding the distinctions between the two forms of intimacy can help you better identify these dynamics in your relationships.
Physical intimacy in a relationship
Physical intimacy generally involves any sort of physical touch or proximity that conveys closeness and connection. It can include sex and sex acts, but it also usually represents a much broader range of physical contact. Non-sexual examples of physical intimacy include hugging, holding hands, giving another person a massage, and placing a hand on someone’s shoulder to show support.
Emotional intimacy in a relationship
Emotional intimacy typically involves being comfortable enough with another person to share components of your emotional experience. While it can seem easy to talk about positive emotions like contentment or joy, sharing negative emotions like fear, worry, or shame can lead to more difficult conversations. Because of the vulnerability emotional intimacy can involve, it often takes a while for a relationship to progress to a point where both parties sense they are safe opening up to each other in this way.
What are the benefits of intimacy?
The positive impacts intimacy can have on your relationship with another person may seem obvious, but you may not be aware that research indicates intimacy can also produce health benefits that go beyond your connection to someone else. These effects on one’s body and brain may sometimes be overlooked, but they can be significant.
Physical health benefits of intimacy
- Higher pain tolerance
- Release of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, the so-called “feel-good” hormones
- Lower blood pressure, which can lead to a decreased risk of cardiovascular health problems like heart attacks and stroke
Mental health benefits of intimacy
- Improved overall emotional well-being
- Greater sense of purpose and fulfillment
- Decreased stress and anxiety
What are some of the consequences of a lack of intimacy?
In contrast to the physical and mental health benefits described above, not experiencing intimacy in your relationship can have detrimental impacts. Not only may you miss out on the positive health outcomes associated with intimacy, but you can also experience negative physical and mental health consequences.
These consequences may include fatigue, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, a sense of hopelessness, and other symptoms commonly associated with mood disorders like depression.
Learning ways to build intimacy in a relationship
If you believe there may be an intimacy gap between you and your romantic partner, ending the relationship isn’t your only option. Whether you are starting a new partnership with someone or hoping to rekindle a spark that may have fizzled in a long-term relationship, there are steps you can take to create more intimacy between you and your partner.
Incorporate more intimacy into sex
Because sex innately involves physical intimacy, it can be one of the most direct routes to becoming closer to your partner. However, it can sometimes be easy for sexual activity to focus purely on the physical aspects of intimacy, so it can help to intentionally build more closeness into your sexual experience. You can do this by:
- Making more sustained eye contact during sex
- Talking to your partner about what feels good to you and asking about what feels good for them
- Minimizing the potential for distraction during sex, including turning off your phone and making sure that children or pets will not interrupt you
Learn more about your partner
Intimacy often involves more than just physical connection. Regardless of how long you and your partner have been together, you likely still do not know everything about them. You can try to increase non-physical intimacy between the two of you by having a themed date night where the goal is to ask each other three new questions and see where the conversation goes. Questions could include the following:
- “From sunrise to sunset, what would your perfect day look like?”
- “What’s something you are scared to try but still want to do?”
- “What are the three things in your life you’re most grateful for?”
Talk to a relationship counselor
Sometimes, relationship dynamics can prevent the development of intimacy. It may be difficult to recognize these dynamics from within the relationship, though, which is why talking to a therapist specializing in relationship concerns can be helpful.
Intimacy can be a sensitive subject for many people, and it can be tough to open up about this topic to a stranger. Attending therapy in an online setting may take some of the pressure off. With online therapy through a service like BetterHelp, you and your partner can talk to a therapist via video call, phone, or online chat from the comfort of your home.
Researchers have found that attending online therapy can be similarly effective to attending traditional in-person therapy sessions, including when addressing intimacy concerns. One study examined a group of couples who completed relationship therapy in either an online or an in-person setting. The couples who attended online therapy and the couples who attended in-person therapy generally reported similar improvements in intimacy levels and relationship satisfaction.
Takeaway
- Previous Article
- Next Article