How To Choose The Right Intimacy Coach Near Me

For couples in romantic relationships, intimacy levels can change over time. Trauma, personality changes, stress, health conditions, and other causes may bring on such changes. Although it can feel unsettling to experience this type of shift, it is possible to improve intimacy levels and feel closer to your partner through methods like self-reflection and improved communication. It may also be beneficial to seek support from a certified intimacy coach or relationship therapist who can help identify issues and guide you in working through them with you and your partner. 

Finding a relationship coach or intimacy coach can feel overwhelming, though. Searching the internet for “an intimacy coach near me” can be one place to start when looking for a relationship coach based in your area, and you might also consider online options.

More than sex therapy: What is intimacy counseling?

The idea of intimacy coaching may bring to mind sex therapy, which is focused on improving sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship. While sex can play a role in intimacy, a qualified intimacy coach is more than a sex coach. These professionals can provide strategies and support in working through barriers to various types of intimacy, including physical, emotional, and sexual, and the ways these may affect each other. 

How are sex therapy and intimacy counseling different? 

Sex therapy is focused on solving concerns or problems specifically related to sex. A certified sex therapist may offer tips or strategies for having better sex or overcoming physical or mental obstacles that may make having sex or feeling sexually fulfilled a challenge. 

Intimacy counseling may focus more holistically on developing a stronger connection with your partner in general. In other words, intimacy coaches are specialists who are trained in helping those in intimate relationships form deeper emotional connections. An intimacy coach may teach couples strategies aimed at developing communication skills and fostering an environment of honesty and openness. While addressing challenges related to sexual intimacy may be part of intimacy counseling in some cases, it’s typically not the main or only focus.

How can counseling improve your intimate relationships? 

Working with a trained intimacy coach may help build self-awareness in individuals within a relationship and improve the bond between partners. This kind of specialist can listen to the needs of both parties and recommend strategies and techniques that may bring both people closer. They may also help those in a romantic relationship overcome specific conflicts that may be blocking intimacy of various types. 

Identifying your needs and goals

When looking for an intimacy coach, the first step may be to identify your needs and goals. Different types of intimacy coaching can fulfill different needs within a relationship. By discussing your needs and goals with your partner, you can begin your search for a coach to meet them. 

Identifying your needs and goals may be challenging, and you and your partner may have different needs and goals. If this is the case, working with a trained and licensed couples therapist first may be beneficial. A therapist can assist in isolating and identifying each person’s needs and they can help partners communicate these needs to one another. 

Understanding different coaching methods and techniques

Different intimacy coaches may specialize in different techniques or methods. Understanding some of them may help you find an intimacy coach who fits your needs. Some common coaching methods may include: 

• Communication skills training. Strong communication is usually an important part of close and intimate relationships. An intimacy coach may specialize in helping develop communication skills that can assist partners in understanding the other person’s wants and needs. 
• Cognitive behavioral techniques. In some cases, negative thought patterns or emotions may get in the way of developing an intimate relationship. An intimacy coach or therapist may help you identify those thought patterns and replace them with more productive ways of thinking, which may increase intimacy. 
• Mindfulness training. Self-reflection and mindfulness can help you identify areas of strength and potential growth within your intimate relationships. 
• Relationship coaching. Working with a relationship coach may help you and your partner work together as a team to solve challenges within your relationship. 
• Role-playing. In some cases, it can be beneficial to practice and talk your way through situations with a therapist or coach before attempting to do so with your partner. A coach can help facilitate role-playing between partners or may fill in one of the roles to give one person a feel for how their partner may respond. 
• Trauma-informed intimacy techniques. In cases where past trauma is impacting intimacy, it may be beneficial to find a coach or therapist who specializes in trauma-based intimacy building. They may take steps to address the trauma while also helping the partners increase their shared intimacy.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Researching potential coaches

Finding the right intimacy coach for you can play an important role in the overall effectiveness of any treatments or techniques that you may try. It may be beneficial to find a list of coaches or therapists who meet your needs in terms of services offered and prior success. Then, you might take the following steps to further narrow down your options. During the research process, it may be helpful to remember that you are in control of who you choose and that you can change providers at any time.  

Ask about their experience, education, and philosophy

Evaluating the experience of an intimacy coach can be challenging. On one hand, hearing a testimonial or reading positive online reviews can be affirming of your choice; on the other, it may not give a full picture of the person you are working with. When doing research online, it may be important to take anything that you see or read with a grain of salt, as it may or may not paint an accurate picture of the specialist. 

If you have an initial consultation, it may be beneficial to start by asking the intimacy coach or therapist directly about their experience, education, and overall philosophy. Working with a licensed therapist means that you are working with someone who has specific education in the form of a master's degree, while working with a certified intimacy coach or specialist may be less clearly defined. In addition to education, you may ask about their treatment philosophy to see if they are a good fit for your goals. 

Set up initial consultations

After researching or asking about your specialist’s background, you may set up an initial consultation or a first session in person or via phone or video call. During this time, the specialist may ask questions or do a full intake process for you and your partner. It may be helpful to use this time to see if you are comfortable with the coach or therapist and if they might be a good overall fit. If you do not feel comfortable because of the way that they’re interacting with you, it may be a sign that you should start looking for another provider who might better fit your needs. 

When to see an intimacy coach

At any point during a relationship, it may be beneficial to see an intimacy coach. Working with this kind of expert can help partners find a true acceptance of the other person’s needs and develop a plan for meeting them. If you’ve noticed that you feel distant from or more tense around your partner lately, you’ve been arguing more often, or you’re struggling to rebuild intimacy after time apart, a breach of trust, or a major life change, it could be helpful to seek the support of an intimacy coach.

What to expect during a therapy session

Therapy sessions may vary depending on the type of therapy and the person delivering it. For many, intimacy coaching or couples therapy sessions may begin with an overall check-in on the relationship or progress monitoring from previous sessions. A therapist may then engage couples in a variety of techniques such as roleplay, journaling, trust exercises, or general discussion to solicit feelings and ideas from both partners. A therapist may also assign homework to a couple to focus on in between sessions. 

Other formats for receiving relationship coaching

For couples looking for an intimacy coach, online treatment can be a more convenient or comfortable alternative to in-person sessions in some cases. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples can be delivered in much the same way as in-person therapy via the internet. Studies have also suggested that online couples therapy may be an effective way to build intimacy and enhance connectedness in a relationship.

Finding a local in-person therapist who fits your needs and is willing to work with your busy schedule can be challenging. With online therapy, you are not limited by location, and you can attend therapy sessions from anywhere with an internet connection. This means that you and your partner can find a therapist who fits your needs and schedule without having to make regular trips to the therapist’s office.