How To Increase Physical Intimacy In A Relationship: Nine Tips For A Stronger Bond

Physical intimacy is often a vital component of a healthy and satisfying romantic relationship. It usually goes beyond sexual activity, encompassing all forms of touch and closeness that help partners sense they are connected and loved. 

However, maintaining physical intimacy can sometimes be challenging. Whether due to personal barriers to intimacy, issues within the relationship, or everyday demands and stressors, it’s not uncommon for couples to experience periods of reduced intimacy. 

Strategies like spending quality time together, prioritizing emotional intimacy, addressing health concerns, and exploring new activities together can contribute to a stronger physical connection. Consider working with a licensed therapist individually or as a couple for more personalized insight and guidance.

Defining physical intimacy

While we often think of physical intimacy in relationships in terms of sexual activity, it can include any form of touch or physical closeness that fosters connection and bonding between partners, such as the following:

• Eye contact
• Holding hands
• Hugging
• Cuddling
• Kissing
• Massages
• Caressing or stroking
• Skin-to-skin contact
• Sex

While preferences for physical intimacy can vary significantly between individuals, it’s generally an important aspect of romantic relationships and can serve as a way to express love, care, and affection. 

Components of physical intimacy

To enhance physical intimacy in your relationship, it can help to understand the relationship attributes that typically underpin this aspect of connection.

• Trust: Trust is widely considered to be foundational to all interpersonal relationships, and this may be especially true for romantic partners. Trust typically allows partners to know they are safe to be vulnerable with each other and confident that their affection will be well-received. 
• Emotional connection: While it may be possible to be physically intimate without an emotional connection, a deep emotional bond tends to be an important aspect of long-term romantic relationships. When emotional intimacy wanes, so too can physical intimacy. 
• Comfort: For physical intimacy to flourish, it’s often necessary for both partners to be comfortable and relaxed. A safe and open dynamic can help both partners feel at ease. 
• Communication: Clear and empathetic communication can be an important aspect of physical intimacy, allowing individuals to openly discuss needs, boundaries, and desires. 
• Mutual respect: Respecting each other’s individuality, boundaries, and feelings can ensure that both partners know they are valued and appreciated, fostering an environment where physical intimacy can thrive.

Why physical intimacy matters in relationships

A wealth of research suggests that sexual satisfaction can be an important facet of romantic partnerships, frequently playing a key role in relationship satisfaction and stability. It can be important to note that some individuals on the asexual spectrum may not require sexual intimacy to have satisfying relationships, and the amount of physical intimacy necessary for a healthy relationship can vary greatly.

Physical intimacy can have positive effects on the individual level. For instance, it can lower levels of cortisol, the hormone associated with stress.

It can also increase endorphins, which normally promote well-being and happiness. Engaging in physical intimacy can help individuals sense they are loved and desired, potentially boosting confidence and self-esteem. 

Common barriers to intimacy

There are several reasons why physical intimacy can dwindle in a relationship, and this can be a common occurrence among couples. Some of these factors may be personal in nature, while others may arise due to underlying issues within the relationship. Recognizing and understanding these barriers to intimacy can be an important step in overcoming them.

• Stress and fatigue: Daily life stressors and exhaustion can decrease the desire and energy for intimacy. Work pressures, financial worries, and family responsibilities can leave little room for sex and intimacy, making it important to manage stress and prioritize rest.
• Health issues: Chronic pain, illness, and mental health conditions like depression and anxiety can reduce libido and make physical closeness challenging. Addressing health concerns and seeking appropriate treatment can be crucial.
• Lack of time: Busy schedules and competing commitments can limit opportunities for intimacy. Scheduling dedicated time for each other can help maintain intimacy.
• Emotional distance: Unresolved conflicts, misunderstandings, and emotional disconnect can create a barrier to intimacy. When partners are distant emotionally, physical closeness often becomes more difficult. 
• Body image issues: Insecurities about one’s physical appearance can reduce the willingness to engage in physical intimacy. Negative body image can lead to self-consciousness and discomfort during intimate moments. 
• Communication breakdown: When partners don't openly discuss their feelings and preferences, misunderstandings and unmet expectations can arise. 
• Past trauma: Previous experiences with trauma or abuse can impact current intimacy. Individuals with a history of trauma may struggle with trust and vulnerability, potentially making physical closeness challenging. 
• Differing libidos: Differences in sexual desire levels between partners can create a barrier to intimacy. When one partner has a higher or lower libido than the other, it can lead to frustration and disconnect. 

It may be worth discussing existing barriers to intimacy with your partner or even involving a couples counselor or sex therapist. If you are experiencing intimacy difficulties due to mental health concerns, past trauma, or another personal reason, it may be advisable to connect with a therapist one-on-one so you can work through these challenges.

Nine tips for enhancing physical intimacy

If physical intimacy is lacking in your relationship, there are steps you can take to strengthen your bond and enhance the sense of closeness between you and your partner. Here are nine practical tips to consider.

1. Spend quality time together

   First, it may help to make more time for each other without pressuring yourselves to be physically intimate. Consider engaging in activities that you both enjoy, such as cooking a meal together, going for a walk, or watching a movie. These moments can help you connect emotionally, creating an environment where physical and sexual intimacy can thrive.

2. Focus on emotional intimacy

   It may be helpful to think of emotional intimacy as a prerequisite for physical intimacy—that is, a strong emotional connection often paves the way for a satisfying physical relationship. Aim to make space for meaningful conversations with your partner, wherein you share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. When you connect emotionally, you may find that a physical connection naturally follows.

3. Communicate openly

   While it can sometimes be uncomfortable to discuss sex, sexual assertiveness—the ability to communicate one's sexual desires, preferences, and boundaries clearly and confidently—can be a significant factor in enhancing sexual satisfaction. Practice having open, honest dialogues about what you want, how you feel, and what your boundaries are in your relationship.

4. Show physical affection

   Non-sexual physical affection can play a crucial role in enhancing physical intimacy. Hugging, holding hands, and cuddling can convey love, care, and appreciation, helping you build intimacy without necessarily creating any expectation of sex. Some couples find it helpful to carve out time specifically for physical affection, with or without the expectation of sex.

5. Take care of physical health

   Maintaining good physical health can be an important aspect of an active and satisfying intimate life. When we feel good physically, we may be more inclined toward physical and sexual intimacy. Aim to exercise regularly, eat nutritious foods, and prioritize plenty of restful sleep. You may feel more energized and confident, helping you engage more fully in intimate moments with your partner.

6. Explore new activities together

   A lack of intimacy can be a sign of a stale relationship, in which case it can help to infuse your partnership with excitement and novelty. Consider exploring new activities as a couple. Whether it’s taking a class, going on an adventure, or learning a new hobby, shared experiences can help you create a fun, emotionally vibrant dynamic that can pave the way for greater physical intimacy.

7. Schedule regular date nights

   For many couples, daily routines can get in the way of physical intimacy. If romance is dwindling, consider scheduling regular date nights during which you and your partner can connect and enjoy each other’s company. Some find it helpful to set conversational boundaries to ensure that discussions about work, family, and other responsibilities don’t interfere with your enjoyment of the date.

8. Engage in self-exploration

   Understanding your own needs and desires can be a crucial step toward a healthy intimate relationship. Consider engaging in self-exploration to help you identify what makes you feel good and sharing these insights with your partner. With a better understanding of each other’s needs and preferences, you may be more comfortable and connected during intimate moments.

9. Seek professional help

   If you and your partner struggle with intimacy despite continued efforts to connect, it may be worth consulting a sex therapist or couples counselor. They can help you understand any barriers to intimacy that may be affecting your relationship and offer tailored strategies for overcoming them. 

Can a relationship last without physical intimacy?

While continued communication and investment in the relationship can help couples overcome intimacy issues, there may be times when the absence of physical or sexual intimacy causes significant strain within the relationship, potentially triggering its dissolution. 

Every relationship is different, however, and some couples can maintain their relationships without physical intimacy. Ultimately, it depends on the individual needs and expectations of both partners. 

If both partners find fulfillment in other aspects of their relationship, it can be possible for the relationship to last. However, if physical intimacy is a crucial component for one or both partners, its absence may eventually erode the relationship's foundation. If a lack of intimacy is affecting your partnership, it may be necessary to consult a couples counselor for guidance.

Looking for a deeper connection with your partner?

Work with a couples counselor online

Online therapy for intimacy issues

If you and your partner are struggling with intimacy, an online couples counselor can help. Online couples counseling through a platform like Regain may be preferable for those seeking a convenient, flexible, affordable alternative to traditional therapy. Your Regain membership also includes access to digital therapy worksheets, guided journaling, and educational webinars, so you can get the most out of your time in therapy.

Research suggests that couples therapy can effectively improve relationship satisfaction, and online interventions appear be just as effective as their in-person counterpart.