How To Talk About Physical Intimacy With Your Boyfriend

Physical intimacy can be an important element of any romantic relationship. Showing physical affection can increase your emotional connection and bring you closer together as a couple. It may be important to note that, while physical intimacy can include elements of sex, not all physical affection is sexual. Developing strong communication skills as a couple can help you navigate complex feelings and ensure that you are on the same page with each other. 

In this article, we’ll explore what physical intimacy is and how to discuss it with your partner.

Are you struggling to talk about intimacy with your partner?

Connecting with a therapist may help

Understanding the difference between physical and sexual intimacy

To increase physical intimacy, it may be helpful to define what that is. Physical intimacy is physical contact that can make you and your partner feel connected. It typically involves being vulnerable with your partner and engaging in physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, or cuddling. While physical intimacy may include sexual intimacy, the two are not the same. You can be physically intimate without being sexually intimate. 

Can you have physical intimacy without sexual intimacy? 

It is possible to have physical intimacy without sexual intimacy. Physical intimacy is one way that couples may demonstrate affection or show that they care for their partner. Couples may enjoy holding hands or snuggling up by a fire, both of which would be examples of physical intimacy. These actions can occur without any desire for sexual activity. 

Does physical intimacy lead to a healthy sex life? 

Research suggests that physical intimacy may improve sexual satisfaction and could improve a couple’s overall sex life. During physical intimacy, one or both partners may feel aroused, and that could lead to sexual intimacy. Developing a healthy and satisfying sex life may require more than physical affection. In partners with healthy sex lives, it is common for there to be a deep emotional connection as well. 

The connection between your sex life and emotional intimacy

While physical affection can play a role in having a healthy sex life, emotional intimacy may also impact sexual intimacy. Emotional intimacy refers to the connection or closeness that people may feel when they open up about their feelings and develop empathy. Couples with strong emotional intimacy may feel more comfortable talking about sex-related concerns or letting their partner know about sexual fantasies or desires, which may lead to a healthier sex life. 

To build emotional intimacy, partners might try to talk regularly about their feelings, hopes, and dreams. While speaking honestly and openly may seem simple, it can be challenging and may require practice and self-reflection.     

Preparing for a conversation about physical intimacy

If you are feeling like you need a change in physical intimacy, it may be important to let your partner know about your needs. This could include asking for more or less physical intimacy or asking for a change in how physical intimacy is shown. Whether you are in a long-term relationship or you just started dating, having a conversation about physical intimacy can be intimidating. There are several things that you may do to prepare for this conversation, including building emotional intimacy, reflecting on your feelings, and practicing role-play. 

Build emotional intimacy

If you are feeling apprehensive about discussing physical intimacy with your partner, you may need to build more emotional intimacy with them first. Building emotional intimacy typically involves opening up about feelings and emotions with your partner, which may make you feel more comfortable when discussing physical intimacy. A strong emotional connection with your partner may create an environment where you feel safe and supported in advocating for your wants and needs. 

Think about your feelings

Communicating with your partner can be challenging when you do not know exactly what you are feeling. Engaging in self-reflection can help you to name your feelings and think through how you want to communicate them with your partner. You might write in a journal, speak with a therapist, or practice meditation to think deeply about your feelings and how to discuss them with your partner. 

Role-play the conversation

Sometimes it may be helpful to see the conversation happen in a safe environment before engaging with your partner for real. Role-playing may involve asking a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional to pretend that they are having a conversation with you about intimacy. You can practice saying what you want to say and responding to potential questions or concerns that may come from your partner.  

Initiating the conversation

One of the most challenging parts of having a conversation about intimacy may be getting the conversation started. Before starting the conversation, you may feel awkward or unsure of how your partner will react, which may cause anxiety and stress. To overcome these feelings you may do some deep breathing exercises or other relaxation techniques before starting. 

When starting a conversation about a potentially sensitive topic such as intimacy, it may be beneficial to start in an area where you are both comfortable. That could be at home, on a walk, or anywhere where you and your partner can have a discussion without interruptions. You may also consider having this conversation in close quarters, which means choosing a place where other people cannot listen in. In the end, the goal is typically to build trust and help bring you and your partner together, and starting a conversation may be the first step to improving intimacy. 

Expressing your feelings

No matter what your feelings are, it is typically important that you express them clearly and honestly to your partner. When you express your feelings, it may be helpful and effective to use language that avoids blame or accusations. Instead, you may choose to express your wants and needs with empathy and frame the conversation around growing closer together and cooperating with each other.

Although it may be hard to do, expressing your complete and honest feelings can be a way to also improve emotional intimacy. Being honest about your thoughts on physical intimacy may put you in a vulnerable position that requires trust between you and your partner. Depending on how your partner reacts to your conversation, you may continue the conversation or give them some space to think over what you have said.  

Practicing effective communication

Couples who communicate well together may experience a more fulfilling and long-lasting relationship than those who do not communicate effectively. Effective communication is something that can be improved with practice. With your partner, you can practice the elements of effective communication every day as you navigate your relationship together. The key elements of effective communication typically include being clear and direct and engaging in active listening. 

Use clear and direct communication 

Even if what you have to say may not be something that your partner wants to hear, it still may be important for you to say it. When you’re communicating about your needs and wants as they relate to physical intimacy, it may be best to be direct and clear rather than dropping hints with the hope that your partner will pick them up. Clear communication may allow you to put your feelings out to your partner directly and give them an opportunity to respond without confusion. 

Engage in active listening 

Listening may be as much a part of communication as expressing your feelings. Active listening skills include hearing what your partner has to say without jumping in or interrupting. You may offer questions for clarification and provide nonverbal cues to show that you are paying attention. Using active listen skills may help to ensure that one person is not dominating the conversation and each partner’s viewpoint is recognized as valid. 

Seeking outside support 

Tackling a conversation about physical intimacy on your own can be challenging. In some cases, it may be helpful to seek help from a member of your support network, such as from friends or family. These people may have unique insights that help you prepare for your conversation. You may also seek professional support from a trained couples or sex therapist. A therapist may be able to help you prepare for your conversation and provide insights or advice based on your unique situation. 

Online therapy may be an effective way to improve your communication skills and increase intimacy. In an online setting, a therapist may practice a variety of techniques, such as visualization, role-play, or guided mediation. All of these techniques may help you to prepare for a conversation with your partner about physical intimacy and may reduce anxiety associated with having the conversation. 

For busy adults, making it into a brick-and-mortar therapy office can be challenging. With online therapy sessions, you can connect with your therapist from any place with an internet connection and a personal device. This means that you can get the support you need to improve your relationship without having to leave the house.