Signs Intimacy Is Gone And What To Do Next

Intimacy in a relationship often involves forming a deeper connection with your partner. This connection can strengthen bonds, build trust, and increase relationship satisfaction. However, when intimacy fades or disappears altogether, some couples may experience significant problems in their relationship. Knowing the warning signs to look for may help you identify and work through a lack of intimacy on your own or with your partner.

Types of intimacy in a relationship

In romantic relationships, intimacy may be used as another term for sex, but they are not the same. Sex is a form of intimacy, but other types of connections may also be present in a healthy marriage or romantic relationship.

Emotional intimacy

Physical intimacy

Some people use physical intimacy and sex interchangeably. However, they can differ. Sex can be considered a form of physical intimacy, but many other types of physical intimacy are often valued in a relationship. For example, non-sexual physical contact, like hugging, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, or sitting next to each other when you’re in the same room, can be forms of intimacy. 

Sexual intimacy

Sexual intimacy includes any type of sexual contact, like intercourse, oral sex, groping, and making out. This type of intimacy is more than the physical act of sex, as sex can exist without intimacy. Sexual intimacy can refer to the emotional closeness and physical intimacy that occurs during sex between couples who have a strong connection to one another.

Signs intimacy is gone

Every couple is different, but there are some signs that intimacy may be missing from a relationship, including but not limited to the following: 

• You are distancing yourself from your partner by withdrawing emotionally. 
• You show your partner less affection. 
• You feel lonely, distant, or misunderstood.
• You argue more often.
• Your sex life is not as fulfilling as it once was.
• You struggle to have regular conversations.
• You no longer have empathy for your partner.
• You feel nervous or unsafe around your partner.
• You don’t support one another and no longer have the sense that you are a team. 
• You start to wonder if you’re in a relationship with the right person.
• You don’t see a future with your partner.

Is intimacy necessary in a relationship?

Intimacy is often part of creating a deep connection between partners. However, every couple is different and may prioritize different types of intimacy. Intimacy can be the foundation for communication and trust for some people, which may aid in a romantic relationship, although some couples may prioritize one type of intimacy over another. For example, some partners may find that sexual intimacy is essential to their connection, while people in low-sex or no-sex relationships may be satisfied with a high level of emotional intimacy or explore physical intimacy in non-sexual ways.

How to bring intimacy back

There are several ways to develop more intimacy in your relationship. Below are several tips to help you improve different types of intimacy. 

Schedule quality time together

Spending quality time together may improve some aspects of your relationship with your intimate partner. Consider setting aside a period each week to have alone time, whether having a movie night at home, going for an evening walk, or booking a dinner reservation at your favorite restaurant. While some may not consider scheduling sex romantic, others may find doing so helpful. In some cases, sexual intimacy diminishes because both partners are too busy or too tired. Scheduling sex can make it a priority, and having increased sexual intimacy may make spontaneous sex more likely.

Talk about how you’re feeling

Research shows that communication can contribute to a relationship's well-being. Effective communication is often a way to build emotional intimacy. To improve the emotional connection in your relationship, try to be open and honest with your partner. Practice active listening and show interest, empathy, and understanding. If you lack emotional intimacy in your relationship, scheduling regular check-ins where you sit down and talk about how you feel and what you’re concerned about may create an opportunity to communicate in a safe, supportive environment.

Show physical affection

Touch can be a powerful way to grow intimacy in a relationship, and touch does not have to exist only in the bedroom. Try cuddling while sitting on the couch, giving each other a hug and a kiss to say hello or goodbye, or holding hands while walking together.

When to walk away from a relationship with no intimacy 

Knowing when to end a relationship that has lost its intimacy can be difficult, and the decision is different for everyone. If you are concerned about the lack of intimacy in your relationship, but you and your partner are unwilling to work to get it back, you might consider ending the relationship. A lack of intimacy can often be overcome with time and effort. However, if both partners are not committed to making it work, the relationship might struggle to get back on track. 

Finding help from a mental health professional

Working with a mental health professional may help you and your partner determine why the intimacy in your relationship has disappeared and work toward restoring the connection. Multiple types of therapy may be appropriate, including the following. 

Individual therapy

Individual therapy may help you work on personal issues that may be affecting intimacy in your relationship. For example, some mental health conditions, like depression or anxiety, can affect intimacy, as well as low self-esteem or a history of abuse. Working one-on-one with a therapist may help you identify and learn to overcome these individual challenges.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Couples therapy

Couples therapy might be beneficial if you and your partner have concerns you want to work on together. Couples therapy can help you learn how to communicate better, which might improve multiple types of intimacy in your relationship. In addition, a couples therapist can act as a mediator between distressing and emotional conversations you struggle to have at home. 

Family therapy

Family therapy focuses on improving familial relationships. If a lack of intimacy in your relationship affects other family members, like your children, family therapy can help develop trust and empathy within the family unit. This option could also be helpful when exploring the topic of divorce. 

Alternative support options 

Finding therapy can be challenging for couples who face barriers to support in their area, such as financial challenges or a lack of availability. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples may be more convenient. Intimacy can be challenging to talk about in person, but with online therapy, you can work with a mental health professional from the comfort of your home. 

In addition, online therapy platforms often match clients with a therapist within 48 hours of signing up, and you can change providers at any time until you find one who fits your goals. Research has found that online therapy can be an effective way for partners to promote intimacy in their relationships. For example, one 2021 study found that online treatment was not only effective at improving relationship satisfaction but also improved partners’ individual mental health challenges.