The Causes Of A Lack Of Intimacy In Marriage And How To Overcome It

Couples may struggle with intimacy in their marriage, often isolating partners and creating a sense of void between them. A lack of closeness can slowly break emotional bonds that keep a relationship strong. You might find that intimacy is waning for several reasons, including stress or infidelity. Still, working through this difficult time with your partner can be possible, often with communication, setting realistic expectations, and seeking professional help.

The impact of a lack of intimacy in marriage

Intimacy can be a key part of any relationship, and a lack of this connection in a marriage can affect partners differently. For example, when there is no sexual connection, couples might stay together but experience resentment, rejection, or anger over time. They might stop communicating, with the silence between them becoming a more significant problem than the lack of sexual intimacy.

There may also be a lack of emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship. Without these forms of connection, partners may experience loneliness and a sense of disconnect. They might show signs of depression or low self-esteem. In addition, there may be increased arguments that can sometimes cause the relationship to end.

Causes of lack of intimacy in marriage

A lack of intimacy in marriage can arise in various scenarios, impacting the quality of the relationship. Recognizing these causes may help couples find the root of the problem and work toward restoring intimacy. Below are potential causes of a loss of intimacy. 

Stress and fatigue

Stress and fatigue can negatively affect intimacy in a marriage. For example, if your partner is overwhelmed by work stress or family commitments, they may lack the energy or desire for intimacy. Chronic stress may decrease sexual desire and make them less inclined to work on a physical relationship. 

Poor communication skills

Communication is often considered a foundation of a healthy relationship. Poor communication skills can cause misunderstandings and conflicts. When you struggle to express your needs, desires, and emotions openly, you may experience a lack of emotional and sexual connection. 

Mismatched sex drives or preferences

Differences in sexual drives or preferences can create tension between partners. You may have a higher sexual drive, while your partner has a lower drive. These mismatches can make one or both of you unsatisfied. 

Physical or mental health problems

Physical and mental health problems can significantly affect intimacy. Conditions like chronic pain, depression, or anxiety may reduce sexual desire, a common symptom of multiple health concerns. Low libido can also be a side effect of several medications. Talk to your healthcare provider if you’re experiencing challenges with medication or want to discuss potential side effects. 

The BetterHelp platform is not intended to provide information regarding which drugs, medications, or medical treatments may be appropriate for you. The content provides generalized information that is not specific to one individual. You should not take any action without consulting a qualified medical professional.

Lack of quality time

Spending meaningful time with your partner may build intimacy. When couples do not prioritize each other due to busy schedules, they may miss opportunities to connect emotionally and physically. Ensuring quality time could include scheduling time to cuddle and watch a TV show after work or journaling together in the morning to set the tone for the day. 

Financial problems

Financial stress can strain a marriage. Worrying about bills, debts, or job insecurity can take a toll on emotional well-being and the sex life of couples. When financial problems occupy too much mental space, you may find it challenging to maintain a romantic and intimate relationship.

Emotional neglect

Emotional neglect occurs when one or both partners fail to meet each other’s emotional needs. A lack of emotional intimacy can make partners distant, even if there is physical closeness. Ways to increase emotional intimacy could include scheduling time to talk about emotions, making an effort to learn your partner’s love language, or talking to a professional together. 

Infidelity

Infidelity can challenge trust and intimacy in a marriage. When a partner has an affair, the emotional and sexual betrayal can be severely hurtful. Betrayal can shatter the foundation of trust and make rebuilding intimacy difficult. Couples may consider these factors when working on the problems affecting their relationship. That way, they can attempt to rebuild a strong and intimate connection.

How to overcome intimacy problems in a sexless marriage

Overcoming a lack of intimacy in marriage may involve reconnecting in some form. Strategies could involve open communication, scheduling quality time, and seeking professional counseling.

Communicate openly and honestly

Talking about desires and fears can clear misunderstandings, reducing emotional distance. Avoid blame and speak with “I” statements like “I feel” to ensure the conversation stays productive. Allowing each partner to express themselves fully can strengthen trust and bring them closer.

Schedule quality time together

Show appreciation and gratitude

Expressing gratitude may improve how partners know they are valued. Regularly acknowledging each other’s efforts and positive traits may promote a more profound sense of fulfillment and happiness. Gestures like leaving a note of appreciation, thanking them for daily tasks, or giving compliments may rekindle the connection. 

Reconnect emotionally

Emotional connection often goes beyond physical interactions. To get to know each other again, share more about your day, dreams, and worries. In addition, being physically and emotionally present for your partner during tough times may rebuild trust and intimacy. Discuss life goals and fully listen to each other’s ambitions. 

Practice physical affection

Physical touch can be a significant part of intimacy for many couples. Acts of affection like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling may boost emotional closeness. Showing affection through physical touch may also help couples express love and care without every interaction leading to sexual intercourse. 

Set realistic expectations

The levels of intimacy in a relationship can fluctuate, and couples may find it normal to have ups and downs. Discuss what each partner expects from the relationship to reduce misunderstandings. Be patient and avoid pressuring each other into immediate changes.

Seeking professional counseling

In some cases, external help may help couples navigate challenges, whether looking for a last-effort choice or ways to improve intimacy. A professional counselor can help couples find profound challenges affecting intimacy. Therapy can also teach couples communication techniques and conflict resolution. A counselor or therapist can provide objective perspectives and suggest strategies based on your unique needs and goals for therapy.

How licensed marriage counselors may help

Licensed marriage counselors specialize in helping couples work through challenges like a sexless relationship. They can allow both partners to express their negative feelings and resolve problems together. Therapeutic strategies can be practiced at home and in the therapy office to help couples learn new communication methods. 

Counselors may use techniques like conversation exercises and role-playing to resolve conflicts. They might focus on rebuilding trust, improving communication, and rediscovering the emotional connection between partners. To find a licensed marriage counselor, you can search professional directories or ask healthcare providers for recommendations.

Support groups 

Support groups can help couples share their experiences with others facing similar problems. You may find comfort in knowing you’re not alone and learn new perspectives from others on how to resolve marital problems. These groups may meet in person or online, and they often include guided discussions led by a facilitator experienced in relationship dynamics. You can find local support groups through community centers, churches, or online platforms dedicated to relationship support.

Do relationship workshops help?

Relationship workshops involve interactive sessions to help couples improve their intimacy and communication skills. These workshops often involve activities and exercises encouraging couples to communicate openly and understand each other more deeply. Organizations and therapists may offer workshops, which can vary in length from one-day events to week-long retreats. You may find workshops through local community centers, specialized relationship websites, or professional therapist offices.

Alternative support options

Due to cost or other barriers, in-person therapy may not be accessible or feasible for some couples. In these cases, platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples may be more convenient. Online therapy platforms may provide convenient access to professional counseling services from the comfort of home. Clients can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions and choose to meet from separate locations if necessary, such as in the case of a long-distance relationship. 

A licensed therapist may provide tools and resources to help individuals understand the underlying causes of their intimacy problems. In addition, studies show that internet counseling formats can be more effective than in-person options in some cases. For example, in a recent study, participants reported being more comfortable with their provider in a remote video format, as they believed they could share more in a comfortable and familiar environment.