The Causes Of Intimacy Disorder And Where To Seek Help

Struggling to connect on a deeper emotional or physical level can affect your mental health and ability to form close relationships. It may even indicate greater psychological concerns, such as an intimacy disorder. This type of disorder may have various causes, such as past trauma, fear of rejection, or underlying mental health conditions. However, it can be important to note that intimacy disorders are not official diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V). Still, a licensed therapist may help you address difficulties surrounding various types of intimacy.

Finding it difficult to be physically or emotionally intimate?

Talk about it with an online therapist

What is an intimacy disorder?

Other common signs a person may have intimacy problems include the following:

• Fear of closeness: They may seem scared to open up emotionally.
• Avoidance: They may avoid situations in which they need to share personal feelings.
• Relationship challenges: They may struggle to maintain healthy relationships.

Living with an intimacy disorder may lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Some individuals might develop a sex addiction to seek connection with others, potentially engaging in frequent sexual acts with little emotional involvement.

Different types of intimacy

There are usually several types of intimacy involved in romantic relationships, including those discussed below.

Physical intimacy

Physical intimacy generally involves physical touch. This can include sexual activities like intercourse and non-sexual activities like kissing, hugging, cuddling, and handholding.

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy primarily involves sharing your feelings and thoughts. Partners typically want to be emotionally safe to share their deepest concerns, desires, and needs. 

Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual intimacy can refer to sharing ideas and engaging in meaningful conversations. It may involve discussing books, movies, politics, or any topic that stimulates both partners' minds. 

Spiritual intimacy

Spiritual intimacy usually involves sharing beliefs, values, and religious practices. It could include attending religious services together, praying, or discussing life’s purpose. 

Is intimacy disorder in the DSM-V?

Intimacy disorder is not explicitly listed in the DSM-V. However, challenges with intimacy can be linked to conditions like sexual desire disorder and other sexual dysfunctions. These disorders may involve difficulties with intimacy and connection in relationships.

The DSM-V also recognizes conditions like voyeuristic disorder and sexual sadism. These conditions typically result from psychological factors, which may sometimes include difficulty with intimacy. 

Causes of intimacy disorders

The causes of intimacy problems can vary between individuals. Potential risk factors for developing intimacy disorders include the following:

Emotional trauma

Emotional trauma can affect how individuals relate to others. Traumatic experiences, like the loss of a loved one or childhood neglect, can make it hard for them to trust others. When people experience emotional trauma, they may withdraw or avoid getting too close to protect themselves from being hurt again. 

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse can have negative effects on a person's ability to form intimate relationships. Survivors often experience challenges affecting their comfort level with physical closeness. For those who have endured sexual trauma, intimate situations can trigger painful memories and intense emotions like guilt, anger, and disgust. 

Fear of abandonment

Fear of abandonment often develops from past experiences of being left or emotionally neglected. People with this fear might cling too tightly to their partners or push them away to avoid potential heartache. This inconsistent behavior can create a strained relationship, making it hard to develop a stable and intimate connection.

Mental health conditions

Mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression, may also influence intimacy disorders. These conditions can lead a person to struggle with a sense of worthlessness or excessive worry, making it challenging to maintain close relationships. For instance, someone with depression may withdraw and seem uninterested in intimacy, while anxiety can contribute to constant worries about the relationship.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can also play a role in intimacy disorders. When individuals doubt their worth, they may believe they are undeserving of love and find it hard to connect with others. People with low self-esteem might fear rejection so much that they avoid intimate situations to protect themselves.

Stress and burnout

High stress levels and burnout can severely affect a person's ability to have intimate relationships. When overwhelmed by day-to-day stressors, it can be hard to find the energy or desire to connect with a partner. Stress can lead individuals to become irritable, withdrawn, or too exhausted to engage emotionally or physically. 

Substance misuse

Substance misuse (formerly referred to as substance abuse) is another factor that can disrupt intimacy. The use of substances or alcohol can change a person's behavior and emotions, making it hard to build and sustain healthy relationships. Substance misuse can lead to behaviors that damage trust and create emotional distance between partners. It can also lead to mood swings and impaired judgment, which can further affect intimacy.

What is the treatment for intimacy-related disorders?

Treating intimacy-related disorders may involve approaches like individual therapy, relationship counseling, sex therapy, psychoeducation, and communication skills training. 

Individual therapy 

Individual therapy typically focuses on personal challenges related to intimacy. Sessions may involve exploring past traumas, emotional barriers, and unhealthy patterns. Therapy may help individuals understand their behavior and develop healthier relationship habits.

Relationship counseling

Relationship counseling normally focuses on the dynamics within a partnership. Therapists can help couples determine and address the factors contributing to intimacy problems. Therapy may involve exploring communication styles, unmet needs, and problems with trust.

Sex therapy

In general, sex therapy specifically targets sexual challenges contributing to intimacy disorders. This form of therapy can address problems like sex addiction, low sexual desire, and physical inability to become aroused. A sex therapist may work with individuals or couples to explore their sexual concerns in a non-judgmental environment.

Psychoeducation

Psychoeducation can provide individuals and couples with information about intimacy disorders and their treatment. Understanding the psychological aspects of these disorders can demystify them and reduce shame and confusion. Sessions may provide information on the causes and effects of intimacy disorders, treatment options, and self-help strategies. 

Communication skills training

Communication skills training can help individuals and couples express their thoughts, feelings, and desires more effectively. Poor communication is often a barrier to intimacy. Training usually involves learning active listening, assertiveness, and conflict-resolution techniques. These skills can reduce misunderstandings and build trust between partners. 

With these treatment methods, individuals and couples may be able to work toward healthier, more satisfying relationships.

Seek professional help for fear of intimacy

Seeking help for intimacy challenges can be important for building healthy relationships. Therapists can help you identify the root cause of your fear and teach you strategies to overcome it. 

Online therapy has recently gained popularity due to its accessibility. Studies suggest that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions for treating various mental health conditions. It may provide a convenient way to receive the support you deserve without leaving home.

Platforms like BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed therapist who may be able to help with intimacy challenges. Whether you prefer text, call, or video sessions, online therapy may offer flexibility and convenience.

Finding it difficult to be physically or emotionally intimate?

Talk about it with an online therapist

Other resources for problems in intimate relationships

Various resources might help those facing challenges with intimate relationships by providing information and guidance.

• The Relationship Institute: This website offers a library with articles, PDFs, and links to help with relationship issues and conflict resolution. These tools can help you learn how to be a better partner and understand the strengths and weaknesses in your relationships.
• Human Performance Resources by CHAMP (HPRC): A team of experts provides articles, videos, and resources to help Service Members and their families improve their overall performance and achieve total fitness. You can also ask experts questions and access educational materials to improve your understanding of health and intimacy in relationships.
• The Survivors Trust (TST): This is the largest organization in the UK dedicated to supporting survivors of rape, sexual abuse, and sexual violence. With over 120 member agencies, TST helps more than 100,000 individuals each year access specialized support services, with a dedicated webpage on intimacy.