What Does Intimacy Mean?

Relationships are complex, interwoven connections between people who connect with each other in some way. Often, intimacy becomes a part of these connections, whether they are romantic, familial, platonic, or spiritual. Understanding intimacy in its entirety may help you cultivate multiple forms of connection with those you love and make changes in areas you may have previously been neglecting. 

A lack of intimacy can significantly impact relationships

Work through challenges with a therapist

What is intimacy? 

Types of intimacy

The word intimacy can have many different meanings, and all of them can play a role in relationships. Below are the most common types of intimacy.

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the sense that you are close enough to someone to communicate openly and honestly about your emotions and thoughts without fear of judgment. When you have an emotionally intimate relationship with someone, you may understand them more profoundly and be more open to self-reveal.

Emotional intimacy can appear in many types of relationships, including those with friends and family members. Signs of emotional intimacy may include:

• Offering each other consistent emotional support
• You feel safe, loved, and valued in the relationship
• Genuine interest in the other person’s well-being, thoughts, feelings, and interests
• Comfort discussing your fears and dreams
• Making time for one another and enjoying being together

If you are in a relationship without emotional intimacy, you may become lonely, disconnected, or unsupported. You may distance yourself from the other person and not share important topics with one another. A lack of emotional intimacy can lead to more arguments and, in romantic relationships, decreased sexual intimacy.

To increase emotional intimacy in your relationships, you can take several steps to become more emotionally present. First, put your phone away. Looking at your phone or texting someone else during conversations can interfere with the quality of your in-person interactions and create a barrier to building intimacy. In addition, try to spend more quality time together. If you have kids, you could carve out time after your kids go to bed to talk about your days or plan a weekly date night where you focus on one another. 

Experiential intimacy

Experiential intimacy involves exploring hobbies, shared interests, and new skills with someone else. When you partake in this form of intimacy, you share your interests and make time for one another, ensuring quality connection. Examples of experiential intimacy include signing up for a cooking class together, spending the day antiquing, hiking on a new trail, or planning to see your favorite band in concert. You may also decide to try a new and exciting activity that you may not be willing to do on your own, like traveling to a new country, skydiving, or getting a tattoo.

Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual intimacy is the closeness that comes from understanding one another’s innermost feelings and thoughts. People with intellectual intimacy in their relationships may have profound and enriching conversations and grow and learn from one another. They can share ideas, thoughts, and opinions and ask meaningful questions to grow and learn from one another. Examples of activities that can build intellectual intimacy include: 

• Reading the same book at the same time and discussing your thoughts and opinions
• Watching a documentary together to learn something new about a topic you’re both interested in
• Talking about your past experiences and how you think they shaped you to get to know each other on a deeper level

Physical intimacy

Some people may think that physical intimacy is synonymous with sexual intercourse, but they are not the same. Sex is considered physical intimacy, but there are many other types of physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is a part of many types of relationships, not just romantic ones. Close friends, parents and children, brothers and sisters, and other family members can all show affection with physical intimacy through hugs, holding hands, or sitting next to one another. 

Physical intimacy in a romantic relationship includes all types of sexual intercourse, but other types of physical contact, like foreplay, massages, hand holding, cuddling, and kissing, are all forms of physical intimacy that can be integral to a romantic relationship for some people. Not everyone wants to partake in sexual intimacy in romantic relationships, as well. 

Physical intimacy should be consensual. Your partner may not have the same boundaries as you in terms of what they are accepting of. People have different physical intimacy needs, and every couple can decide individually and together what is right for them.

Strengthening emotional intimacy may improve physical intimacy. You may also experiment with new forms of touch, like holding hands while walking in public, kissing each other hello and goodbye, or cuddling while you sleep. Talking to your partner about the types of physical contact they prefer can be a starting point.  

Spiritual intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is the idea of being safe and validated by another person when sharing your beliefs about high powers, religion, or core beliefs. This type of intimacy can be strengthened by attending religious ceremonies, celebrating spiritual holidays, practicing faith through good works, or being open to learning about another’s beliefs.

How to overcome a lack of intimacy

There are many reasons some people may struggle with intimacy, including fear of rejection, low self-esteem, difficulty trusting, a history of abuse or sexual assault, personality disorders, mental health conditions, or attachment styles, among others. Some of these barriers may be challenging to overcome without the help of a professional.

If you are experiencing difficulties with intimacy, a therapist can help you identify any underlying issues and help you work through them. Whether you are seeking support in improving communication skills, overcoming past trauma, or managing a mental health condition, consider talking to a therapist. 

If you face challenges finding support in your area, you can also try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. With an online therapy platform, you can work with a qualified mental health professional from anywhere you have a reliable internet connection at a time that works for your schedule. In addition, clients are often matched within 48 hours. Research shows that online therapy is as beneficial as in-person treatment, with one review of 14 studies finding no differences in effectiveness.