What Is Emotional Intimacy To A Man? Exploring A Common Question
People of all genders may benefit from emotional intimacy, an emotional connection that can form in close relationships. However, generalizations can contribute to inaccurate views about what intimacy is “supposed” to look like for different genders. In this article, we’ll address common stereotypes about masculinity and emotional intimacy and discuss the ways in which they can be harmful. To foster deeper emotional intimacy in your relationship, consider working with a licensed couples therapist.
What is emotional intimacy? How is it different from sexual intimacy?
The word “intimacy” is often used to describe sexual activity between two people who share a meaningful connection. While sexual intimacy can be part of a close relationship, intimacy can come in many additional forms. Emotional intimacy can serve as one example.
Emotional intimacy can be described as an emotional connection that allows two people to sense they are safe, supported, and loved by one another. People in an emotionally intimate relationship can be vulnerable with each other, express their feelings, and be true to themselves without worrying that they might lose the relationship.
Emotional intimacy can involve sexual intimacy, but a relationship can also be emotionally intimate without sex. Close friendships, sibling relationships, and parent-child relationships can all be emotionally intimate.
Why is it important to be emotionally intimate? Reasons to build emotional intimacy
Emotionally intimate relationships can benefit people of all genders. Emotional intimacy can help romantic partners support each other, communicate openly, and manage challenges as a team. Sharing an emotional bond may also help couples understand each other on a deeper level. Research has found that this mutual understanding may contribute to a more satisfying relationship. In a series of studies from 2023, researchers found that sensing you are “known” by your partner tends to be linked to higher levels of relationship satisfaction.
Studies have also shown that, for both men and women, emotional intimacy may be a factor in a lasting relationship. In a 2018 study, researchers analyzed self-reported data from 309 men and women. They found that for people of both sexes, a lack of emotional availability was typically more likely to end a relationship than a lack of sexual availability.
Addressing stereotypes about men, sex, and feelings
Research on intimacy is always evolving. However, misconceptions often persist about what it means for a man to be emotionally intimate. Common stereotypes about male intimacy include the following:
- “Men aren’t capable of being emotionally intimate.”
- “Men care about sex more than feelings.”
- “Expressing feelings isn’t masculine.”
- “Men always struggle to understand their partners’ feelings.”
- “Men show emotional intimacy through actions, not words.”
If you find yourself wondering, “What is emotional intimacy to a man?”, keep in mind that no two men are alike. Making broad generalizations can contribute to stereotypes like the ones above, which may lead men to believe they must limit the ways they express emotional intimacy.
These myths can have other negative effects as well. In a 2022 study, researchers found that men who strongly believed in male intimacy stereotypes were usually more likely to consent to unwanted sexual activity.
Beyond gender stereotypes: What does it mean to be emotionally intimate?
There may not be a single, universal definition of emotional intimacy, and generalizations can be harmful. That said, it may still be useful to explore some examples of what emotional intimacy can look like. This section covers common traits and behaviors that may form the basis of an emotionally intimate relationship, no matter your gender.
Authenticity
Being authentic generally means acting in a way that’s true to who you are. Partners with high levels of authenticity can trust that they are being upfront about their needs and desires, which may strengthen their emotional bond. In a relationship, authenticity may include the following:
The ability to disagree
An authentic relationship may come with occasional disagreements and arguments. While a healthy relationship might not involve constant fighting, your views may not always align completely with your partner’s, either. Authenticity may mean being able to share differences in opinion and look for healthy compromises.
Freedom from shame
Shame can be seen as a feeling of intense self-consciousness that you may experience when others judge or humiliate you. In relationships, shame may lead to social withdrawal, which can create emotional distance between partners. When partners don’t shame or judge each other for who they are, this may be a sign of an authentic relationship.
Emotional connection
Couples who connect emotionally may have higher levels of emotional intimacy. This often means being in touch with each other’s feelings and responding to each other’s emotional needs. In a relationship, emotional connection might include the factors discussed below:
Empathy and emotional support
When you have empathy for someone, you can usually recognize their emotions and understand their point of view. Empathy may allow you to notice when your partner needs support and take action to show them that they are valued and cared for. This support can form the basis of a deeper emotional connection.
The ability to express your feelings
Emotional openness typically means you are comfortable expressing strong feelings to your partner. Being able to express negative feelings, like anger and sadness, in a healthy way can create a sense of safety and trust. While emotional openness is different from empathy, receiving empathy from your romantic partner may help you be more emotionally open.
Physical connection
Physical intimacy can often be a path to emotional intimacy. Connecting through touch is often associated with emotional connection, safety, and security. In a relationship, physical connection might include the following:
Sexual intimacy
Emotional intimacy does not always require sex, although having higher levels of emotional intimacy may lead to a more active sex life. In a 2018 study, 134 participants spent a week reporting on their feelings and sex lives. Researchers found that higher levels of emotional intimacy were usually associated with higher levels of sexual desire and sexual activity.
Affection beyond sex
“Affectionate touch” generally involves activities that create physical closeness, like kissing, holding hands, hugging, and cuddling. Research shows that these non-sexual behaviors may play a role in a couple’s emotional connection. A 2023 study found a link between more frequent affectionate touching in relationships and higher levels of love.
Get help as you build emotional intimacy, no matter your gender
Conflicts, major life changes, or simply living a busy life can sometimes get in the way of an intimate relationship. In these situations, you might want to spend time talking to a therapist. Relationship therapy can provide a safe place to discuss your relationship, address challenges, and learn ways to form a deeper connection with your partner. A therapist may also be able to help if gender stereotypes related to intimacy are negatively affecting you or your relationship.
Exploring intimacy with a therapist might seem intimidating at first, but you may find it easier to open up to a counselor with whom you are comfortable. Finding a therapist with whom you enjoy talking may be easier with online therapy. Platforms like Regain (for couples) and BetterHelp (for individuals) can match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs and preferences. You can also change therapists at any time, for any reason, at no extra cost.
Studies suggest that online couples therapy has similar benefits to in-person counseling. A 2021 study compared the effectiveness of online and in-person relationship therapy on 30 couples. Couples in both treatment groups typically saw similar improvements in their relationship satisfaction.
Takeaway
Emotional intimacy can be defined as an emotional bond between people in a close relationship. In romantic relationships, this connection can help partners sense they are safe, valued, and able to be themselves with each other. Despite common stereotypes about men, emotions, and sex, emotional intimacy can look different for different people, regardless of gender. That said, traits like authenticity, empathy, and physical affection may be signs of an emotionally intimate relationship. If you’re struggling with intimacy, consider reaching out to an online or in-person therapist for professional insight and guidance.
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